Saturday, March 23, 2019

Four Things to Consider Before Taking a Cheater Back.

March 24, 2018 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Most of us have been there; trying to figure out if it’s a good idea to give a cheating significant other (SO) another chance. It’s a serious consideration that isn’t easily made at the drop of a hat. For some people, the thought of the person they love betraying their trust is inexcusable, but you never really know what you will do in a situation until you are faced with it.

If you have been in a situation where your SO, whether spouse or mate, has cheated on you, it can be very easy to walk away and not look back. In all honesty, you have every right to do just that. But washing your hands of someone you once loved doesn’t mean you’re over them. It also doesn’t mean that it’s the best thing to do.

You have to decide what works for you because when faced with this kind of heartbreak, there are so many things to keep in mind. If you are going through something like this and are thinking about giving your SO another chance, here are some things to take into consideration.

Can You Trust Them?

You know you. If you are the kind of person that already has a hard time trusting people, taking a cheating SO other back will make things even harder for you. You will always wonder, when they aren’t around you, what they’re doing and with whom. That can drive a person crazy. Ask yourself that question and work from there.

Was it Just a One Time Thing?

This is important because depending on the length and frequency of the affair, your relationship may not be worth saving. If your SO stepped out on you one time, in the heat of the moment, that might speak to some other issues going on in your relationship. However, if he or she has done it numerous times and is only sorry because they got caught, that speaks to their character. Do you really need that in your life?

Is the Affair Really Over?

This is one of the most important questions to ask your SO. You have to be certain that the affair is indeed over and it can’t just be because they tell you. Figure out a way to know without a shadow of a doubt or as much as you can know. Taking a cheating spouse back that is still creeping on you is a major blow to your recovery and even your self-esteem.

Can Your Relationship be Restored?

Ultimately, you have to decide if what you have with your mate is restorable. This is the main question. Can you see yourself getting to a place with him or her where the affair is a thing of the past that you don’t even think about? If you feel in your heart of hearts that it is not something that you can truly get past and you don’t see your life with this person ever being the same, walking away may be the best thing to do.

It is never fun having to deal with a cheater, but it happens to the best of us. Take all the time that you need to evaluate your situation and when it comes to making the tough decisions, do what’s best for you.

Staff Writer; Rasheda Abdullah


2 Responses to “Four Things to Consider Before Taking a Cheater Back.”
  1. Trevo Craw says:

    What about what YOU did to make them want to cheat? Neglect? Abuse? Poor and unsatisfying performance? Stroking or amplifying their insecurities?

  2. Trevo Craw says:

    As a marriage, family and relationship counselor, mediator and life coach, I have to say you left out one of the most important things in detail. That is why the person cheated. Even the Bible spells out that if a wife denies her husband intimacy, when he cheats she is partially responsible. Look it up, though I could provide the verses.

    There is a difference between someone who cheats and a cheater. Just like there is a difference between a thief and a woman who stole food to feed her starving child or medicine to help save her sick child. A cheater has it in his or her character just like a thief. But some who cheat or steal do so only under certain circumstances.

    Some say a crime is a crime so a person who cheats is a cheater. But as with crimes, motive and intent are everything. Think about it

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