Saturday, March 23, 2019

Relationship Anxiety Answers: Hope for Those Who Love a Commitment Phobic Person.

November 12, 2016 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Tech/Internet, Weekly Columns

Like Love Haha Wow Sad Angry

( A happy adult relationship can be a wonderful thing, if both partners are willing and able to commit to their coupling. It’s a hard thing indeed, if one half of the equation is ready to make an honest commitment and the other half is not.

What is commitment phobia?

Commitment phobia is an experience causes emotional discomfort to both men and women, explains Visualization Works. People who are afraid to commit almost always have a deep seated psychological reason for being that way. The kernel of this aching inability to establish an earnest adult relationship that excludes all other romantic liaisons is as simple and as complicated as fear.

Persons, especially men, who are committed to the idea of never being in a committed relationship may evince behavior that’s all about the “hunt” but never about staying with the object of their temporary desire. Commitment phobic persons typically sense an inner need to protect themselves from emotional pain at all cost. 33blackcoupleThey ensure a non-broken heart by keeping a defensive wall around their emotions at all times.

A commitment phobic person may be quite skilled in the art of seduction. That is, after all, a component of the “hunt” we mentioned above. Commitment phobic persons may engage in this “catch-and-release” method of reeling in unsuspecting hearts over and over and over again.

How can you tell if he is afraid of commitment?

Is it possible to spot a commitment phobic person just by looking at them? Don’t count on it. People who are unwilling or unable to commit to a monogamous adult relationship look like anyone else from the outside.

Sabrina Alexis and Eric Charles are the founders of A New Mode. The pair met while psychology students at Boston University and are coauthors of the books, 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men and He Is Not That Complicated. Together, Alexis and Charles offer advice for those who wish to understand whether or not their significant other is a good bet as far as enjoying a monogamous and committed, long term relationship.

If you are a women who doesn’t know much about the man with whom you spend a lot of time, you might be with a person who’s afraid of commitment. According to A New Mode, a man who’s ready to commit to a woman will open up to her about who he is and what he stands for. When a fellow is comfortable enough to commit, he generally feels easy enough to reveal himself, even if this means becoming vulnerable. Unless a man is willing to share his innermost thoughts, dreams, hopes and fears, he’s probably not even close to being ready to commit to a real relationship with you.

If he says he doesn’t want to commit, trust his words.

If a man tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him. In fact, when a man says that right up front, it may spare you a considerable amount of worry and woe later on. If the guy you care about disappears without warning and stays away for days or weeks on end and then acts as if his behavior is not anything to worry about, he may be a commitment phobe.

Men who have a deep rooted fear of commitment may neglect to take you on real dates, preferring instead to meet in a surreptitious hotel room, or at your apartment every time. Of course, some me who are unable to commit will take a woman on a date, only to check out other females without compunction.

Is there hope for a woman who loves a man who is afraid of commitment?

Actually, there is. Followers of pop culture probably remember when Hollywood actor, George Clooney, made a very public announcement that he would never marry. That all changed when he met and eventually married– Amal Alamuddin. Did she trick him into marrying her? Nope. Amal simply behaved as herself at all times, and never tried to be anyone else in order to impress the handsome movie actor.

Is there a moral to this story? Maybe, maybe not. If there’s anything to take away from the love story of George and Amal is that when a commitment phobe chooses to marry, there’s nothing in the world that can stand in their way. If you love a man who’s unwilling or unable to commit, don’t try to change him and don’t change yourself in an effort to please him. Take care of your own emotions, work on your own “stuff,” and let the relationship unfold or end naturally.

Staff Writer; Craig Jackson


2 Responses to “Relationship Anxiety Answers: Hope for Those Who Love a Commitment Phobic Person.”
  1. Avrum says:

    To Marque:


    Two decades ago, the focus of this article would be apt. But in 2016 – I think you’re point is valid. In my clinical practice, I see men and women who are anxious about commitment, and skittish about marriage.


    My first book – Learning to Commit: The best time to work on your marriage is when you’re single (Amazon) – attempts to explain the forces behind commitment-phobia, and how it’s possible to commit, regardless of anxiety.

  2. Marque Anthony says:

    To The Author,

    First of all, I detect bias in your article. I find it odd that you are pointing the finger at men lacking commitment, not addressing women and yet speaking about this on a website blog for men. Who is your target audience.

    Secondly I see your examples but where are your stats and real data? I also see you making assumptions that are not often the truth. I am a veteran family and relationship counselor and I find your article very slanted.

    It seems like this article should be on I am wondering what your relationship is with women (or men). You leave the reader with alot off skepticism but no solutions. Before one can reach factual and accurate conclusions, one must look at both people, all sides and all of the evidence on a case by base basis.

    Side seat therapists are dangerous my brother

Speak Your Mind

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!