Thursday, October 18, 2018

Real Talk; Why Black Men find it Harder to Settle DOWN!

October 6, 2016 by  
Filed under Business, Money, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( In our society, we are given precise and clearly defined roles of men and women in relationships. So why it is that many black women are finding it so hard to find and establish positive, long-lasting relationships with black men? Is it that black men as a group no longer value family and healthy relationships? Many of my female friends are frustrated with the slim pool of eligible men to date and ultimately, settle down with.

In this article, I will attempt to shed a little light on some reasons that prevent many of our men from wanting to settle down with a black women or at all. I would like to first explain the role of a man in a relationship as defined by our society. Men are taught that in order to hold the title of “Man” or “Real Man” we must provide, protect, and lead our families. My belief is, most black men are willing and able to play this role for their significant others and children. The opposing question then becomes “what’s stopping them?” We must start having conversations like so we can determine the root cause of the issues.

For one, we live in a society where the playing field is not always even and then rules are made up and controlled by the opposing team. This is in no way an excuse for those black men that are 123black-couple-talking_exclucomfortable and content with just getting by. However, I think it is important for us to understand how obstacles set before us affect the group and the way men view themselves in relationships.

Most men in others races understand that providing for their family is one of the most important things and is a priority. How is a man supposed to provide for those he love without him ending up jail or dead? The correct answer is, Get a job or start your own business or enterprise.

Simple right?

Well, not quite. Currently, the national unemployment is at about 5%, which doesn’t seem too bad? But when we look at the unemployment rate amongst black men in major black cities, statistics reveal, black male unemployment is as high as 50%! When it comes to creating a business, we find barriers in securing capital to branch out on our own. In most cases, to qualify for funding you must at least have good credit and/or a good job. Black men are constantly frustrated with statistics listed above and realize the deck has been stacked against them. The effect of this epidemic results in our women supporting our families in many cases. This creates conflict in relationships where the man feels like he isn’t the man in his relationship but is seen as another child to be taken care of by his woman.

Next up is Protection. This is another duty of a man. It’s open season on black men and it has been for some time. At any point a traffic stop or being in the right place at the wrong time could lead to incarceration or even death. I’ve seen YouTube videos where black men are pulled out of their cars in front of their wife, girlfriends, and even children. They are beaten, arrested and castraded in front of the people he is programed to protect. Which stems back to how overseers would break male slaves in front of their families in order to show total dominance and superiority.

This takes a major toll on a man and even his family’s views of him. Perhaps even what it means to be a black man. The fact that this can happen at any given time leaves many brothers feeling that his woman and children are better off without him. This may sound silly to some, however, many black men at all levels (from street cats to corporate executives) know this as reality and is very true. How do you protect your women and children when at any given moment you may need protection?

At least loving your family is free and easy right? Well, between the constant targets on your chest, the daily negative images shown of us in print, news, and entertainment, many black men suffer with self-hate issues, post-traumatic stress disorder, and even suicide thoughts on a very regular bases. These issues are played out in reckless behaviors such as the over use of drugs and alcohol, promiscuity, violent crimes, and even child abandonment. Many of our brothers are walking around with the weight of the world on their shoulders with little to no moral support to work through or even express their feelings. This has historically been the very important role of the black woman.

Now, many black women are being forced into the classic male role forcing many men into the decision of not wanting to settle down. It is not that they are incapable of loving or being loved, but many are feeling that they do not measure up to the standards that have been set for “real men” in our society. No man of any race wants to feel less than a man. As a black man we battle this feeling on a daily bases and have for hundreds of years. On top of that some of our women have taken on the mentality of the same system that has created this condition for our men. Malcom X clearly stated, “If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.”  This defines exactly what is being done to black men today in the media.

Ladies black men love and adore you despite what the media and other mediums are leading you all to believe. We must work together as men and women to change the status quo as it stands today. There is much work to be done but this work cannot begin until we take the time to understand each other and what we are facing as a race of people in this country. The family is the foundation of the community and the nation. Without it we will not stand a chance at a future for our race in this country. Once black men are able to once again be able to freely be “MEN” you all will see the improvement in our relationships and families. Men are men. When your ability to be a man is systematically under attack it makes it much harder to step into roles that are defined by men without the same obstacles.

To my brothers: I know it’s not easy out here, but we must continue to do the best we can to build for ourselves, our women, and our families. Ladies, we need your love and support. With you all standing beside us, we will rebuild our nation to the glory that has always been ours.

Staff Writer; Kendrick Snipe

One can view more of this talented brother work over at;

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One Response to “Real Talk; Why Black Men find it Harder to Settle DOWN!”
  1. Marque Anthony says:

    As a family and relationship counselor I must say I am tired of the one-sided blaming of black men without factoring in trifling, demanding, materialistic and negative black women. A complete perspective must take into account the role of black women to play the new slave masters in black men’s lives. Control, dominance, verbally abusive and the list goes on when it comes to so many black women who think it is all about them.

    African American men do have many problems but an examination of the origin of those problems can easily identify societal racism, lack of support and encouragement from many black women, a government that rewards the woman with government services when the man is not in the home and the feminist idea that women think they don’t need a man.

    Roles are no longer clearly defined. Men don’t know how to be men, women want women and the lie that the woman can be the father and mother to the child is prevalent. True nobody made many men be irresponsible in failing to take care of their families. But nobody made those same women who picked those men to keep opening their legs and cranking out babies. Lets be fair and tell the whole story.

    The issue is much more complex than this article covers. This society blames black men at the drop of a hat. But when it honestly identifies black women who are the problem, that is ignored.

    For example domestic violence points to men, even though there are almost as many men abused a year as women – using the same federal government stats. When women have to pay child support, their stats are worse than those of men, but this is kept quiet. When it comes to custody, over 90% of the time women are given the children, even though federal government stats show custodial moms have a 16% higher rate of child abuse than the custodial parent men. Didn’t know that did you?

    Should brothers settle down? Or should we ask with whom? There is a reason so many brothers have married outside of their race. And though I did not, I completely understand why. Let’s tell the whole story author of this article.

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