Friday, October 19, 2018

My Plea To Angry Black Men.

August 21, 2013 by  
Filed under Brother Talk, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Now wait. Before you say I am “selling you out”, I love black men. My husband is a black man, my father was a black man, my brother is a black man, and I’m raising two future black men. As much as I love black men and I will defend them passionately, I am losing patience with angry black men. Because of you, the stigma of “angry black man” looms over the head of most black men. You have created the blueprint by which black men are judged. Black men have to play it cool when they are expressing themselves in order to not be mistaken as you.

I’m not talking about the passion, frustration and natural anger that a black man expresses. I’m talking about the black men who seem to be only capable of striking with words because he presumes every one is against him.

I will not profess to understand what you experience on a daily basis. It must be difficult and painful to have to deal with stereotyping, fear and  criticism. I empathize with your pain of having to prove to others that you are not dangerous or a threat to society. However, you need to be accountable for your behavior and how you influence the next generation of black men.00AngryBlackMan

I am tired of seeing young black men with chips on their shoulders who are so ready to prove their manhood by being violent and disrespectful.  I urge you angry black men to “be better, not bitter”. I know that this is easier said than done, but you are not the only one who deals with discrimination, ignorance, and disregard. By behaving the way you do, you are perpetuating the same stereotype that makes you angry.

You need to stop this vicious cycle of anger. You have to be conscious of how this anger permeates families and communities. This anger is destroying family values and is so steeped into your core that you lash out at strangers, family, friends of anyone you feel is “out to get you”. As a result, we have black boys who are displaying the same anger and frustration. It’s sad to see black boys that lack self-control and are disrespectful.

Stop blaming the “white man” for all your woes. There are other brothers out there who have faced the same challenges and adversity as you and are doing great things with their life. They are not letting anger control them. They understand that while racism and discrimination is still prevalent in our society, they choose to respond and not react to these situations.

Stop cursing people out for minor infractions. Stop sitting on the train grilling like you are waiting for someone to start with you. Stop trying to intimidate those you want to control because you lack self-control. Stop making excuses for what’s holding you back in life. There are people who have done more with their lives with less resources. Stop thinking black women are the enemy.  If the black  women you are encountering are  bitter and resentful, move on. Don’t try to be in a relationship with them and bring children into your misery. Stop looking for a target for your anger. Most importantly, stop taking the low road, you are making it hard for the strong and emotionally healthy black men.

Written By Marie Roker-Jones




9 Responses to “My Plea To Angry Black Men.”
  1. Marque-Anthony says:

    Dear Author,
    Before you say the black man should just stop, you need to look honestly at why he is angry. The black man has been ostracized, disgraced, emasculated and targeted by almost every race or ethnic group on this planet. Maybe many of us are expecting of ourselves what others expect of us. You don’t have the perspective of a black man (and I am a family and relationship counselor and not angry)so it’s easy for you to say “just stop being angry guys”. But it’s not that simple. Walk a mile in the shoes of some of these men then say that. And while a lot of it is their fault, a lot of it is NOT.

    Every week I counsel men who have been mistreated by women, abandoned by fathers, molested by men and women, verbally abused by women including their moms, put down, knocked down, told they are all of the problem, put in jail by trifling women who hate the man has moved on with his life, ruined by the child support system (even when the child is NOT his) and worse. So again, until you walk a mile in these men’s shoes, you don’t understand.

    The same statistics that say 1.2 million women a year are victims of domestic violence also show that 837,000 men are as well. And that just includes the men who even report it. But society considers that a joke.

    You need to go back and read the Willy Lynche letters. A great many of our men and women are suffering at the hands of each other because we as a people have been programmed to annihilate each other. That is not an excuse, but it is a reason for a lot of behavior.

    So I ask you, what is your article doing about the problem? What are your solutions? You were not Trayvon Martin or Eric Garner or Jordan Davis.

  2. Marque-Anthony says:

    The author of this article should read my article o this site entitled WHAT’S WRONG WITH AFRICAN-AMERICAN MEN. It will share some fair, honest and balanced points while getting to the root of the problem and holding ALL THOSE WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE under a microscope equally. They don’t just include the black man.

  3. Disturbed By Article says:

    Wrong way to address Fallen Kings. Your message is overshadowed by a demeaning tone. Your message is greatest received from a male speaker. The same way a woman would snub her nose to a rebuking of “the angry Black Woman” by a Black Man, your comments are critiqued similarly. Its not that your message is wrong, its everything else associated with it. I assume you are mature enough to understand. If not, well……thats not my issue in life to help you mature. I can definitely say that empathy within our community is lacking. Middle class blacks look down on impoverished blacks. Wealthy blacks willingly seclude themselves from middle class blacks. Empathy isn’t sympathy and we have deep rooted issues in our black society. Integration will not solve the black society’s problems. We have to truly help one another.

  4. Pookie says:

    You sound stupid as fuck to me. Why not point out the flaws of the white man, and then maybe you can see why the black man’s and black woman’s flaws come from. You are out of touch. typical house nigga..

  5. Malcolm Lumumba says:

    This is one of the most ignorant article I have ever read. This blatant attempt to generalize black man is amateurish as a writer and display a lack of journalism experience. The irony in articles like this is the problem the writer is attempting to tackle, somewhat lends some truth to the generalization by merely writing about it, which in turn perpetuates the very stereotype he or she is trying to discourage. The stereotype of “Angry Black Men” came from whites trying to curb and shape the behavior of blacks post slavery era. Maybe at that time the saying had some truth giving the poor and deplorable living conditions of most black families along with many social injustices, which angered and encouraged black men to act (million man march, black panther movement and numerous other organizations) however the continual usage of ‘angry black men’ in today’s world is as incorrect as saying AIDS came from gays. Angry men come in all races and colors, just like women who were weaves come in all races and colors. and in case you were writing your next article, everybody eats chicken and watermelon. You Welcome!!

  6. Auja says:

    I feel that this has a lot of truth to it. While I dont know every black man, I speak on the ones that I do know. Some “angry”, some not. The angry ones who blame everyone for their problems can be annoying. I know some brothas that blame white people for their troubles and yes, some of the bad white people could be against them, but honestly, I think if it weren’t for the white people who believed in equality and weren’t afraid to stand up for blacks, WE could be slaves, or slavery could have lasted longer. Unfortunately, one ethnicity is commonly known to have the power, some used it for good, some used it for bad. But the good ones helped the blacks, I won’t ever be mad about that! And another thing, if you weren’t a slave, then stop saying that WE were slaves for hundreds and thousands of years. I understand the WE to feel inclusive, but no one today, commenting on this article is involuntarily picking cotton. I hear some black men today say things like, “we had it the hardest, we had to march, get locked up for NON-VIOLENT protests…” In reality, none of them did any of that! None of them got bit by dogs, beat by officers, or sprayed by huge water hoses. I disagree w/ them taking credit for what those before us endured so that those after them would have a better quality of life. The other black men, started from the bottom, and they’re working their way up, regardless of the struggle. So it may just depend on the individual, but I think our angry brothas need to watch how they conduct themselves in public b/c our sons are watching and they can be set up for failure. Great article Marie! 🙂

  7. Rick says:

    Sista, Sista, Sista. Over 1,000 years of slavery, over 1,000 years of imprisonment, over 1,000 years of malediction, over 1,000 years of blatant racism, to you that’s no cause to be angry. My poo Sista. Over a hundred years of malnutrition, over 100 years of poor healthcare, over a hundred years of being brainwashed and dumbed-down… my poo, poo, Sista.

    This anger that you speak of is a reflection of an action or crime against an individual. That’s what you see. You see the reflection in the mirror and it looks like an angry black man. I ask that you turn around, away from that mirror and look directly at the black man. Once you’ve done that, tilt your head to the either side and what you’ll see is the your “white man” sticking a cattle prod up the black man’s ass, smiling and saying, “it’s okay except it. You’ll be a better black man for it.” I ask that you take a second to look at the source of why the black man is angry. We don’t have to go back into history. Let’s look at the present day situation of the angry the black man.

    Take a look at what’s going on in Chicago, Detroit, and Baltimore. Take a look of how the safety net of this communities is being destroyed by politicians hell-bent on austerity for the poor and not the rich. And the vast majority of those poor people are black woman, black children, black families, and yes, there are some angry black men in there too.

    Black men are the last hired, and the first fired, I have labeled this LIFO ( an accounting term meaning Last In, First Out). That goes for jobs, loans, housing, every thing except prison. In prison, the accounting term is FILO (First In, Last Out). While the black man is in jail, the term I devised is SYAIJFALT (Stay Your Ass In Jail For A Long Time). That’s the modern way do destroy the black man. Still, according to you, that’s no reason to be angry. And the fact that we are passing this anger on to our children is even more dismal to you. Of course, let’s not pass on the truth, the lie is so much “…better, not bitter”.

    I’m a little angry of that picture that you selected for your stated plea to the angry black man. That is not the picture of an angry black man. In fact, that is unfair to all black people. Where’s the NAACP when you need them? Oh, those are the successful black men that are not angry. Right? That’s because they’re sitting in the air conditioning, getting paid large sums of money, driving the big cars, absorbing all the rewards of an successful black house Negro. They accept this condition of slavery. I don’t. And, you shouldn’t, either.

    One last thing, I encourage you to go to and read a different point of view.

    Rick Brandon

  8. ewill says:

    Marie is just trying to tell people like you something and she was being nice about it. Perception is more powerful than facts.
    I’m not nice. I tell you to shut your mouth and stop being an ignorant negro. I would tell all your brothers not to pay attention to a “MAD” ignoramus like you.
    mentally disturbed; deranged; insane; demented.
    enraged; greatly provoked or irritated; angry.
    abnormally furious; ferocious: a mad bull.
    affected with rabies; rabid: a mad dog.
    extremely foolish or unwise; imprudent; irrational.

    “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

  9. ROBERT says:

    ANGER is a natural human emotion and we possess it for a reason; its a matter of were the anger is directed anger will make you do something immediately.
    I say to my brothers all the time if you are not mad you are not paying attention!

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