If What Black Men Say is True, I’m A White Woman… : ThyBlackMan

Wednesday, December 13, 2017


If What Black Men Say is True, I’m A White Woman…

January 23, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) “I think that is true, white women are much easier to get along with,” a long time friend said to me over lunch. “White women will stick with the man they love, they know how to hang in there while he builds. A black woman will pull the plug in a minute. White women,” he said looking me straight in the eye, “understand the power of perseverance.”

Chances are you have heard this argument before, and if you are a black woman, chances are you have been in this situation. Normally, I would have immediately pointed out the flawed and stereotypical remarks for what they are, … baloney. However, this time was different. This time I wasn’t listening to some guy on television go on about how great white women are and how black women are worthless. This time I was face to face with a friend of mine, a man I was interested in – up until that day at least.  This was not an unintelligent man, quite the contrary. He is successful, competent, hard-working, handsome, well-read and not at all someone I thought would believe such a thing much less say it to a black woman’s face.  As we used to say in my youth, those are fighting words. I allowed him to continue uninterrupted, I had to see where he was going with this argument and just how far.

“Black women don’t understand what it means to let a man be a man and take control. They don’t treat a black man like a king. White women understand when to keep their mouths shut and let a man do what he has to do. Black women are difficult to get along with and they always have to have the last word.”

I actually considered his statement for a moment, almost doubting myself, wondering who he was talking about. He could not possibly be speaking to me about me-right?

He was speaking to me. He was speaking to me from his experiences and drawing a conclusion based on his self-image and all the women he had dealings with, including his mother. Yes, I said it, his mother. His mother, sister, lover, ex-girlfriends, the mother of his children, led him to believe that the way he was degrading black women was not only OK, it was true. 

He went further, but I had heard enough. My mind began to drift away as I visualized the faces of hundreds of black women who treat their men like kings. I personally know an awful lot of black women who hung in their with their men while they were building a legacy, including the current First Lady of the United States. The fact remained that even with numerous examples of elegant, intelligent, classy, committed, dedicated and gorgeous black women on earth, this conversation was all too familiar. Why? Why is this argument so prevalent, and more specifically why do so many black men believe and repeat these negative stereotypes about black women? What can be done to make this black man and many others see the light in women with black skin? The jury is still out on that matter. What I do know is this: the “white woman” men like my friend speak of is not white or a woman. The white woman they describe is an “it,” or “a concept.”  Those that proclaim “it” as characteristic of white women, choose to see “it” only in her.  When black men describe the white woman as more “submissive” and “tolerant” than her angry, difficult and arrogant black sister, the intent is  usually to degrade black women rather than to compliment white women. (The stereotypes that black women are angry and difficult to deal with are ironically the same stereotypes that are often used to label black men).  Just like most stereotypes, these comments about black and white women were constructed in the minds of (some) black men, perpetuated by mass media, and, unfortunately, are too often accepted as fact.

The white woman “concept” in the mind of a black man would not be such a bad thing if he did not attach the concept to white skin. When you consider how a mature couple operates, you see that one submits to the other.  Disagreements take place respectfully behind closed doors. The couple decides who will take care of what and a man who is prepared to lead his family will have the respect and honor from the woman he chooses as his mate.  If a man will treat his woman like a queen, with respect and honor, in most healthy relationships, he will be treated like a king in return. Black women, white women, any woman would love to be in a relationship with a man who has a vision and is seeking to build a legacy for his family.

Women regardless of race support their husbands. They submit themselves to their husbands and their husbands submit themselves to their wives “one to another,” as it says in the Bible. Those are qualities found in great women. Excuse me, great women who are partnered with great men. What these black men like my friend are describing is a God-fearing, mature, respectful, self-confidant and well-respected woman. The man worthy of such a woman, the man who can catch her attention and make her his own will get the respect and submission he desires without even trying.  Of course that man would not likely assume that black women don’t make the grade. For that man, and every great man, I am a white woman.  Every great black woman is the white woman concept or stereotype. So gentlemen, take note:

If you are a man who believes that all black women are angry, aggressive loud mouths that want nothing more than to prevent you from being a man, maybe it’s time you looked in the mirror. The question is not whether you are comforted by characteristics that only exist in women with white skin. The question is whether white skin is the only characteristic that comforts you. If the latter is true, date whomever you wish and Godspeed. Just please stop using black women as scapegoats to justify your hidden desires, because for a man of character and substance, every woman in the world, every race, every nationality- according to your description, is white.

Staff Writer; Cathleen Williams

This talented sister is also Host of: I’m Just Saying Talk Show, NYC and a publish Author: Single Mother The New Father, Volume 1 Sports.

Official website; http://www.cathleenwilliams.com

 


Comments

31 Responses to “If What Black Men Say is True, I’m A White Woman…”
  1. Jay says:

    Its true! At least 85% of black women in America aren’t shit when it comes to the black man. And black women living just above the poverty line or below it are nothing but the fucking anti-Christ to the black man!! All this M.A.C. make up wanting to look white or lighter basically, Ugly ass weaves showing us you are still ashamed of your hair after all these years. Funny I read this today because the craziest thing happened to me today. I spoke to two women just being friendly. No intention at all at ‘macking’ on them. Anyway, the first was a Blonde hair nice looking white woman hopping out a CLK 500! I spoke. She spoke back politely with even a little more conversation or small talk. Bear in mind that I’m in one of the most racist states in the south, SC.

    I leave and not even 15 minutes later I say hello to a Black Woman sitting at a bus stop waiting for a city bus and she gave me the ugliest up and down look with that bullshit attitude smirk on her lips like I just disrespected her or something. She said something I think but once her body language said all that other shit I continued walking even faster. I should’ve smacked that ill-mannered hoe down with all honesty but as always I remembered black bitches like this are the biggest reason for the black man’s fall in America!! Today I vow never to date another black Woman from America! American black women are only concerned with how much money you got, how good you dress , what you can do for them etc ect Fuck y’all!! Materialistic as hell. Money, Money, Money!!! And if you find one that’s not like that that doesn’t weigh in at over 200lbs and is actually attractive then you hit the mega-million and you better marry her!! These black women are so vain nowadays it doesn’t make since.

    Then wonder why black men are killing each other everyday. Hell just to afford these black women nowadays you better be robbing people on the side of your 9 to 5 lol. Black Women got the term Queen misconstrued. They think being a queen is all about being pampered and showered with gifts which is true.. HOWEVER, That’s the ONLY part they see as Queens. Not the Queen who is able to run the kingdom if their King falls ill financially. Yea, these black women nowadays will run the kingdom alright smh. If only we could revive real women from the 50’s, 60’s 70’s back …

  2. For Real says:

    The reality of the situation is, the men in question are simply WEAK!!! Weak in every sense of the word. I know the men of which this woman writes about, I’ve encountered their kind in my travels, and no doubt I was raised along side quite a few of them. Taking the statement for face value does tend to make one believe that the man’s preference may be white women, but the reality is that man has a preference for weak women (and not all white women fit the bill) because he is a weak man. If he was raised by; and has been exposed to strong women all of his life, he may not be mentality prepared to handle what comes with dealing with strong women (of any color)!!!

  3. Roy ramirez says:

    Its never about color, is the up bringing…. What he said about black woman only apply to black girls from the hood.

  4. Karina says:

    “If you are a man who believes that all black women are angry, aggressive loud mouths that want nothing more than to prevent you from being a man, maybe it’s time you looked in the mirror. The question is not whether you are comforted by characteristics that only exist in women with white skin. The question is whether white skin is the only characteristic that comforts you. If the latter is true, date whomever you wish and Godspeed. Just please stop using black women as scapegoats to justify your hidden desires, because for a man of character and substance, every woman in the world, every race, every nationality- according to your description, is white.”

    AMEN!!!

  5. I read and reread this article and understand what a lot of you are saying.
    First of all do you love yourself. If you do color should not mean anything to you men or women.
    Attitude is not a women’s thing. Men have attitude problems also. Find someone that will stand by your side through the good and bad times. People have to grow up and stop look and listen to their heart. The world is a big melting pot so why should you limit yourself to one nationality. As long as you’re comfortable in you’re own skin and love, respect each other. Who cares what other people think. The world has evolved a great deal from the days or living in craves etc. Do not let a few bad apples spoil the rest that are still waiting to be picked. The world over has different kinds of fruit. It’s up to you to go out and find what you like. Remember in all relationships you have to have God in you’re life with love, trust, communication.
    God Bless
    Marcius E. Chester
    Van Nuys, CA

  6. Deeann D. Mathews says:

    Clicked “submit” a bit too early… but I was about to wind up by saying this: it is much easier for a brother to make that distinction — “SOME Black women are not what I need them to be, but not all” — if the woman to whom he is sharing his feelings shows that she IS a representative of those sisters who can hear his frustration and pain with some understanding and acceptance of how he feels, and some ability to express acknowledgement and concern before leaping to correction. We are quick to want to jump to “the facts,” but the fact is this: a man who feels like a woman is not hearing him when he shares what is on his heart — who ignores the FACT of his hurt and pain in her haste to defend herself — is not going to be interested in any of her facts. Effective communication requires actually listening to, understanding, and acknowledging what the other person is saying and feeling BEFORE responding — and if there is any group of people that need to learn this, it is surely Black folks. From this article and several others, and also several other conversations and strands of reading, I know that Black men, good, intelligent Black men, are hurting just as Black women are — they may not always be expressing their hurt in a tactful way, but if we as Black women are going to effectively communicate our love and support, we first have to hear, understand, and acknowledge what is being said before we jump to defending ourselves. And vice versa, but the case here is a Black man expressing himself to a Black woman. What we as women say next is critical to our futures.

  7. Deeann D. Mathews says:

    I come almost a year late to this article, tired after a long and interesting week of work with constituents including a variety of intelligent Black men. My conclusion:

    1. A lot of Black men are dealing with a lot of disrespect from a lot of Black women.

    2. A lot of Black men are also dealing with “the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence” syndrome, but that is human nature when things on your side are not going as you would like.

    3. A lot of Black men are looking for a Black woman who can at least hear the pain they are expressing without immediately going into defense mode.

    The use of the word “some,” liberally sprinkled in the words of the brother quoted above, might have spared a lot of offense. No Black person wants to be compared unfavorably with the race that has done so much, historically speaking, to make us seem inferior — the brother was not showing any tact at all. But, to me, that indicates that within him there was a situation of pain and hurt going on that was so deep that he couldn’t find a way to soften it, and was hoping that he would be understood by his one friend. We all have our moments: this is where what our friends do next really count. By the same token, if Black men are expressing their pain and frustration to us, what we as Black women do next really counts.

    One friend of mine comes to mind. He is a good Black brotha, honorable, devoted to the community, and as kind and gentle as he is mighty in character and abilities. He is also a perfect Christian gentleman: I doubt he would ever be so rude as to get up in a Black woman’s face and not qualify his displeased remarks about her and all of her peers. But this does not mean he does not have his moments of deep frustration with some of the Black women he has to deal with. I know this because I have seen him under pressure; I have seen the majority of Black women just expect him to give and give and give when working on projects with him, but to do very little in return when he needs something. I know this because I am often the one who will go the extra mile and get some things done that he needs done, or just check in with him to see how everything is … and will listen quietly when he expresses his anger, his exhaustion, his sense of being taken advantage of. Now he is a gentleman to the highest degree; he does not name names or point fingers, and he does not make comparisons, but in substance, he might not disagree entirely with the expression of the brother except to add the word “SOME” to the general portrayal of Black women above. But one thing is for certain:

  8. Mack says:

    Interesting article.

    But nothing in this article takes into account the fact that 70% of all divorces in black or white marriages are filed by WOMEN in this country: not men. So brothers are stepping up to the plate. Truth is, when it comes to sisters who are truly marriage material the pickings are extremely slim.

    This has nothing to do with hating oneself or any of the other excuses sisters use to deflect from the truth as to why so many brothers marry outside their race.

    Marriage is indeed a learned behavior. But if the woman you’re attempting to marry comes from a background where:

    * no male template existed to pattern a healthy respectful relationship after

    * she grew up observing and hearing her own mother and aunts talking greasy about her father;

    * she’s surrounded by women on all sides who also chose to ‘go it alone’ and do the single-independent-mom thing;

    * she’s bombarded with TV shows, music and so-called literature that champion female whorish behavior (Ghetto novels);

    * and the only men she’s been exposed to on the regular are the subpar type such as the one her own mother chose to lay with the night she was conceived

    …for a man to attempt to have a remotely healthy relationship with a woman like this, he must be prepared to endure the impossible. I’m not even sure if Jesus would even be up for the task! And we’re not even talking about the sisters with kids before they turn 21 or the ones who have allowed obesity to take over their bodies.

    What man, black, white, or striped is gonna sign up for that?! Its often easier to get with women of another race because they carry less emotional hindrances and baggage as it relates to creating a healthy relationship.

    Until more sisters are willing to heal, forgive themselves for making poor choices as well as the men they allowed into their orbit who may have hurt them, I predict they will continue to remain where they are: of low marriageability.

    This isn’t for every sister. Many do have their minds and bodies right. The problem with them is they’re such a hot commodity that they don’t stay single for long, and they’re few and far between. So the decent guys are left to deal with the average type as mentioned above, or seek solace outside the race; which many choose to do.

  9. Mr. Quincy says:

    It’s stupid to stereotype anybody. You can’t lump people in one big box, slap a label on it, and say anything about it worth saying. I know plenty of ghetto (trailer?) ass white women who act a fool on a regular basis and plenty of upstanding black women that I’m glad to have had in my life.

    That said, a lot of these comments are as ignorant as the comment the author posted above. Someone said earlier that the majority of Soul Brothers who get married do so with Sisters. There is no epidemic of black men believing as the brother quoted in this story that black women aren’t worth being with or some shit like that. It’s counter-factual. Also, every time you see a brother with a white woman it doesn’t mean that he has anything against black women at all. Maybe he really did just fall in love unexpectedly. As hard as it is in this world to find somebody worth finding, it is insane to me to deliberately restrict your dating pool to one class of people.

    However, I can see why SOME black men only date white women. Some of them are the kind of square dude that couldn’t attract a black woman if he bathed in negro pheromones from concentrate. (Tiger Woods) Montel Williams fits into this category. I remember when a black woman stood up while Montel was in the audience taking questions and asked him why he never dated black women. After looking uncomfortable, he shrugged his shoulders and said that before he became famous, he could always get a date with a white woman, but couldn’t even BUY a date with a black woman. Now they all want to date him. WTF?!? Denis Rodman said the same thing to Oprah. She promised to never have him back on her show because of that.

    Some of them are so ugly (Lamar Odom, Lebron James) no decent black woman would have them if they were broke. Like Denis Rodman they probably couldn’t get a date with a black woman in high school during their formative years. But no matter how geeky, straight lace, ugly, broke, stupid or otherwise a hot mess they could always get a date with white women some of whom were fine.

    They’re just sticking with their bread and butter. The only reason any of you are complaining about it is because these men are successful. If a jet, pitch, and crispy broke-ologist brother were standing at the bus stop with a vanilla woman and five cappuccino babies, you’d all be saying good riddance to his decrepit, dilapidated, destitute black ass. This is not to say black women are any more money-grubbing than any other kind of woman. There are plenty of gold digging white women running around. I’m just saying, why swim up hill? Date whoever finds you attractive that you’re into and stop worrying about some brother that you probably wouldn’t dig anyway. And god damn it, broaden your horizons.

    I’m a brother that loves all women. I take ’em 18 to 50, white, yellow, red, brown, and crispy. Out of my two best girlfriends one was Asian and the other was so black at sunset she turned invisible and at daybreak you couldn’t tell her from my shadow. I loved them both. Too bad it didn’t work out.

    Life is like that sometimes.

  10. AMCIrvin says:

    I know I am late to the party, but I do have to come to the defense of Black women. I am white, but I live in a very mixed community as far as ethnicity and class. I work in a grocery store and I have hundreds and thousands of people come through my lines. It is easy to overlook the sweet, well educated, kind, and mild mannered women that come through your line. I have seen far more black women that are not angry, bitter, and food stamp brandishing welfare queens than people that have those characteristics. I have seen plenty of people of paler skin behave like miserable, malcontent, and mean fools that are just as disrespectful and clueless with the entitlement programs.

    It is easy to forget about all the black women I look forward to seeing every day over the crazy ones that the media embraces so fully. Not because I see people of a darker complexion as me in such a way, but because people who treat you like crap stick into your mind.

    Every race has women who are mean and bitter. White women are just as bitter and angry at men. I have read articles from feminists that demean and degrade women (who are probably all white in their minds) for being stay at home moms. Women who love and respect men are under attack, but where white women get a more balanced view from the media, black women are usually portrayed as bitter, angry man-eaters. It isn’t fair to all the wonderful, beautiful women in this country. It pains me that it effects Black Women so handedly.

    I wish you all find happiness and someone who will love, respect, and cherish you.

  11. Cathleen says:

    I am so happy that many of you are moved enough by this article to post your comments. Thank you so much! I think it is important to clarify a few things- just so the comments do not lead the discussion in a way that the article is not meant to. This is NOT a bash of black men loving white women. It is quite the contrary. It is not a bash at all. It simply points out that loving white women doesn’t mean that there is a need to bash black women! We are women. Your choice is and will always remain your choice and there is no condemnation or judgment here. That should also include no condemnation of black women. Some brothers seek to justify their decision to date white by blasting black women and calling us everything that they believe their beloved white women are not. Hence this article. To love white women does not mean that black women are bad and vice versa. Instead to love and respect women is to love and respect all women. the color of our skin doesn’t characterize who or what we are. Our character does that. Quality is quality. Period.
    Many blessings to you, and happy love, dating and marriage!
    Cathleen

  12. Lash says:

    I’m a black man with a white woman.. I love her. Any questions ??

  13. Kmatic says:

    Just the tone of the response justifies exactly what the guy was talking about. Shame that even when this man brings it to the point of discussion and this woman tries to break it down she is right back at what he is talking about…SMH. They just don’t get it.

  14. dscott01 says:

    People, its time to just love and be happy. Who am I to say what makes you happy? If being with a pale woman or a very dark man makes you happy then you have achieved what many struggle their whole life to find.

  15. Eric says:

    “look in the mirror”…i love it, may truth prevail!!!

  16. lewis orr says:

    @Andrene
    With all respect Ms Andrene, as you said yourself, you had to read the article twice and you still have a blind spot. Black women are sought after all over the world: Brazil, Thailand, Senegal, Philippines and many more countries, but not in American. Why? Because of the HIGH MAINTENANCE, ANGERY ATTITUDE tag they carry. And as you also said White women are taking on that Black women attitude. And men that travel Internationally know that if they’re bless to find a Black queen not to bring her home to America. This is the big picture and something needs to change. And as they say “If you can’t change the situation, you have to change yourself”. With all love and respect, I Love My Sisters

  17. Andrene says:

    I had to read this story twice to fully understand where you were coming from. The first time I read it I was upset the 2nd time I read it I understood your theory. I don’t care what color a man wants to date but what bothers me is when he has to put down a black woman inorder to date outside his race. Times are changing. The “white woman” is no longer that submissive woman that she use to be. I have white friends and the guys who date them can tell you that they are evolving. As far as a black woman feelings goes, her display of feelings comes from the trials and tribulations that she has endure and from the lack of respect and appreciation that she receives from the man who she tries so hard to support. Its time for the black man to “man up” and stop making excuses for his choice in woman. Its time for black woman to stop being a victim of the ignorance of some of these black men.

  18. Simon says:

    It continuously pulls at my woeful diasporic heart that we are consistantly embroiled in this black men vs black women debate on any and every forum. It adds to the black on black crime package (now a phrase), the planet-wide commercialisation of the ‘n’ word, the perpetuation of caricature stereotypes. Considering that no other races on this earth are providing such theatre for free it makes us little more than subject light relief.
    If people thought for themselves would they really be able to say that all black women have atitude, all white women women are passively accommodating and all black men are self dating deadbeats. What a waste of brain matter

  19. DG says:

    Denie, I am with a white woman. Been with her 20 years, married 17 years, have five children. My dad was with a white woman. Married over forty years, would still be married if he hadn’t died last year.

    I think stereotypes on all sides really need to be killed. Stereotyping someone on the other side to make you feel better about yourself and your situation is just as bad as them stereotyping you for their reasons.

  20. Tia says:

    these are the games negroes play, we are never enough in our own eyes. white people seem to be set as a bar of normalcy.. because they do not have the stress we have, education disparity, unemployment, out of wedlock wedding/ single mother crisis, prison rates..they SEEM stress free, they seem so unburdened, they do not have that level of stress and family problems alot us seem to, but many of them do and more..they are far from perfect. and furthermore, historically they created the “friction” that exists between the black genders. yep

    why should a white woman be stressed out, did most of them grow up without fathers? is thatas why its so much easier for her to give. can her man find a job after 3 months, 6 months, a y ear? does anyone discriminate on her skin, her reality is different. thats what makes me upset when being compared to a white woman, because you cant compare us, just like you can’t compare white men to black men

  21. denie says:

    i am just curious why blk men feel like white women will stick by their side
    my question really is how many blk men with white women you see that are old couples umh lets see like none
    i have been with my husband for over 17yrs and i am 33 and i have stuck by his side thru all of his non sense , i think blk men need to look at themselves with getting these women pregnant and then leaving and not claiming the baby , trust me as a blk woman i do know that blk women can be a tad much with their constant hatery towards other beautiful women such as myself. but whats funny to me is how many blk grandmothers had to take care of their grandkids and rasied them so many its crazy so what does that mean the father has left the home , white women are just as shady as any other women they will leave you at a drop of a dime , you know who made a mistake by thinkin all whitey montel williams married to two white women and they both left him wife number two left when he found out he was sick bottom line hes with a blk woman now lesson learned

  22. Honesty says:

    On the article I can agree with the black man who stated how disrespectful black women are. I cannot believe that being a black woman, raised around black women can sit here and say that black women are not very disrespectful. I’m so shocked at that thought process I don’t know where to start. Let me see EVERY black woman, yes I said it EVERY black woman SWEARS she is so strong (and please don’t lie and say that none of you black women on this site addressing this article are not guilty of this) but there is a difference between being strong and BEING DISRESPECTFUL. Before I begin let me show you my pedigree. I’m raised as a God fearing man and a gentleman, I don’t hit women nor do I disrerspect women. Both of my parents were in my home so I DO have family structure.

    I’m a classy gentleman and YES I was raised in the ghetto. I have 3 degrees under my belt (not flaunting just stating facts) I have an Associated in Computers Science and I have my double BA in Business Management and Administration. I’m with a black woman that I have 3 beautiful children by and I love her dearly and I really want to marry her, however the respect level isn’t there for me from her. I love myself a great deal btw, so this is no way a mental/emotional issue for me. I respect her in full as I would any woman because that is what my father taught me. Her past life is nothing like mine she comes from a broken home and has issues. So I thought maybe I can somehow ‘SHOW’ her a better life by “SHOWING” her, her worth.

    Family is VERY important to me so I asked her to be a stay at home mom, at first she was against it but after a while she agreed. I work an honest 8 to 12 hour day the only thing she has to do is raise our children. I don’t mean baby sit our children, raise them, raise them to be loving and God fearing. However I get to go home to an unclean home and no dinner. This is NOT what I’m accustomed to but I have put up with it over the past 6 years because I’m praying she’ll see what a “GOOD” man I am and change. LOL- (sigh) However the truth is she is not going to change she will remain disrespectful and unmarried for the rest of her life because no REAL man (black or whatever have you) will except that as truth.

    The saddest thing is that I treat her like a Queen, she doesn’t have to work, pay bills, she gets whatever she asks for and I make sure I send her shopping and to the hair and nail salon whenever I get paid. You would think that a woman getting treatment like this will recognize a GOOD man when she has one but she doesn’t and she’s about to lose me. She IS the woman your friend described just like every other “STRONG” (mouthy) black woman including you Ms. Williams. I know I have my faults but they have nothing to do with disrespecting my black woman yet I can’t say the same for her. To all the “STRONG” (mouthy) black women I ask ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH TO BE HUMBLE? Sorry for the letter LOL – God bless.

  23. Giosincere says:

    Peace Sis Cathleen.
    I have heard about this argument but I’ve never been a recipient of this argument. Praise the LORD. I don’t even hear black men calling black women angry. There are more black women that perpetuate this stereotype than men.
    It’s disheartening. We must move past this stage and get to a place of growth.
    We’re pretty stagnant revisiting this conversation time and time again.

    @DG you hit on the nose brother. God bless your relationship and thank you for sharing your brief testimony with us. Such a blessing.

    Peace and grace to you all!

  24. Foster says:

    I totally agree with you Cathleen. I am young African American woman who if given the chance would treat a black man or any man for that matter like royalty. If he respects me and honors me as his woman I will respect him. Certain black men need to realize that maybe they need to search harder to find a good black woman rather than judge all black woman based on how one woman or a few woman have dealt with him in the past.

  25. GW says:

    Black women need to stop whining, much of what was said is true about many sistas and how they behave. Just as all the bad things said about many black men is true also. People really should grow up and act like adults when in or out of a relationship.

    @true

    Regarding comparing “our mothers” to the women of today is totally correct! That old tired argument about “well your mother was a black woman” is an absolute red herring. It’s like comparing a 1920 model T- ford to a new electric car.

  26. MrLewis says:

    With all respect Ms Williams, Though you tried to listen you didn’t hear what the man was saying. It’s not Black women, it’s Black American (so-called liberated) women, with the head rocking, bad attitude last word getting. Black women are beautiful, and sult after through out the world, but not in America! Men go to Brazil men got Thailand men go to the Phillipines and men even go to Russia in search of women, but no men on earth come to America in search of women! Why?

    Let me explain, White women came up with Women’s Liberation a couple of generations back as a temporary ploy to gain some leverage over their men. They sold it or tricked Black women into buying it. Black American women took it and made it an end all, and in so doing stop teaching their daughters femininity, an art of controlling a man without raising your voice, or without a word. An art passed from mothers to daughters through out the world. Most young Black women in America haven’t even heard of it because their mothers failed to teach them, whereas White women didn’t buy into The Movement as much and continued to teach their daughters femininity and that’s what attracts some Black men, it’s very very suttle. I’m a Viet Nam Vet and an Ex-Pat and I’ve traveled the world for the last 30years, and I’ve talk with women from many countries and they all say the same thing, they don’t want to be liberated women, they want to be the way God made them.

    No women in the world have sisterhood with American Liberated Women, with the exception of the Middle Eastern women, and for good reason! One other thing. Femininity and Liberation can’t reside simultaneously in one women, unless she’s schizo. It’s simuliar to the Holy Ghost and the devil can’t simultaneously reside in a person. No disrespect to Women’s Lib they have rights.

  27. DG says:

    Ladies, the problem with your comments are that they are not data driven. Overwhelmingly the majority of Black men marry Black women. By default we can presume this extends to the majority of Black relationships.

    Articles like this are very dangerous, because regardless of who you choose to be in a relationship with, these articles do more to create a web and a me against you woman versus man approach than they do to facilitate positive relationships between Black males and females, whether they are friendship or intimate.

  28. true says:

    The author wrote an article based on the most ridiculous and lowest common denominator. A more productive article would examine the weaknesses in the relationship between Black men and Black women and seek it’s basis. Portraying Black men as the basis of this disconnect is silly and gives more negative ammunition. And please stop comparing this generation of Black “women” to our mothers..the realest Black women are middle-aged or older now. Very few sistas take it back to the old school values.

  29. Patsy says:

    I think that some Black men will use any excuse because they want to be with a White woman to elevate himself in the society. Thanks God that we have Obama to prove that this way of thinking is false. In addition, it is funny how some of our brothers think it is difficult to be with a Black woman and they see nothing wrong to be with a White woman who has a family who doesn’t except him. I even know White women who didn’t introduce their Black boyfriends to their families and guess what some of our brothers accept this. So, as the author wrote, their excuse is baloney!!!

  30. deliah davis says:

    It is so sad to hear my brother speak of me in such a demeaning manner, but it is true. Black men relate black women to hard times. Everything in his life that is not good is because of the black woman. With that being said, it is not so much that he hates the black woman, than the fact that he hates being black. With all the hard times I have faced, never in a million years would I blame being black for all my hardships. It is just unfortunate that the black man sees the answer to his hatred for his race is the white woman. Not his mother or father or the lack of love that he experienced as a child, but the black woman. Why, because we represent everything that he has come to hate. Oh so sad for it is within the black woman that the answers lie, but the black man has put down the black woman so bad, that finding the answers to all that he hates is buried so deep inside of the black woman that he doesn’t have the ability to find so he will continue on this path destroying the cloth from which he was cut!!!

  31. DG says:

    I see these types of articles quite often and I am taking some time to consider and reply. I have been married to a white woman for over 17 years. With her over 20. Started dating her when I was 18. Times have been difficult, we fought through, have quite a few children, and are just coming out after much hard work our financial difficulties, to a time of growth and prosperity.

    With that being said, I absolutely agree with the author about the creation of these mythical stereotypes. They are demeaning to our Black women, and Black men need to really consider themselves first as men before they make those statements.

    We have to remember a few things that are occurring in our culture. We have a deficit of fathers in the home (this is a historically higher rate), we get married less and get divorced more.

    That being said, individuals of all races are getting married less, and the divorce rate is high (ours is just slightly higher).

    The reason that I bring that up is because relationships are learned behavior in large part.

    Me and my wife stuck tough times out more so because both my parents, and her parents stuck out their relationships, and each of them have been married over 40 years. So our frame of reference and role models for our relationships were predicated on what our parents placed into us.

    Because relationships are tough, and many people who don’t have a frame of reference for how to deal with the tough times (IE single parent homes, divorced and multiple marriages, etc), how to treat each other right many of us are ‘learning on the fly’. It is much more difficult to ‘struggle through and support’ when you don’t know how.

    The divorce rate is high for both races. So really, the stereotype simply doesn’t fit about the Black man struggling to make it with the support of the nurturing white woman.

    My advice to men.

    1. Find someone that you can stand to be around.
    2. Make sure that you have a shared value and belief system.
    3. Make sure that you agree in general on the ‘big things’, such as how to raise your kids, how your house will be organized, how you will spend shared money.
    4. Make a pact to support each other, and stick to it.
    5. Be humble, and reflective about your potential failures as a man before your point fingers at her failures as a woman.
    6. Work hard.

    If you do those things, regardless of the race of the woman you choose you will have a better chance of success.

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