If What Black Men Say is True, I’m A White Woman…
(ThyBlackMan.com) “I think that is true, white women are much easier to get along with,” a long time friend said to me over lunch. “White women will stick with the man they love, they know how to hang in there while he builds. A black woman will pull the plug in a minute. White women,” he said looking me straight in the eye, “understand the power of perseverance.”
Chances are you have heard this argument before, and if you are a black woman, chances are you have been in this situation. Normally, I would have immediately pointed out the flawed and stereotypical remarks for what they are, … baloney. However, this time was different. This time I wasn’t listening to some guy on television go on about how great white women are and how black women are worthless. This time I was face to face with a friend of mine, a man I was interested in – up until that day at least. This was not an unintelligent man, quite the contrary. He is successful, competent, hard-working, handsome, well-read and not at all someone I thought would believe such a thing much less say it to a black woman’s face. As we used to say in my youth, those are fighting words. I allowed him to continue uninterrupted, I had to see where he was going with this argument and just how far.
“Black women don’t understand what it means to let a man be a man and take control. They don’t treat a black man like a king. White women understand when to keep their mouths shut and let a man do what he has to do. Black women are difficult to get along with and they always have to have the last word.”
He was speaking to me. He was speaking to me from his experiences and drawing a conclusion based on his self-image and all the women he had dealings with, including his mother. Yes, I said it, his mother. His mother, sister, lover, ex-girlfriends, the mother of his children, led him to believe that the way he was degrading black women was not only OK, it was true.
He went further, but I had heard enough. My mind began to drift away as I visualized the faces of hundreds of black women who treat their men like kings. I personally know an awful lot of black women who hung in their with their men while they were building a legacy, including the current First Lady of the United States. The fact remained that even with numerous examples of elegant, intelligent, classy, committed, dedicated and gorgeous black women on earth, this conversation was all too familiar. Why? Why is this argument so prevalent, and more specifically why do so many black men believe and repeat these negative stereotypes about black women? What can be done to make this black man and many others see the light in women with black skin? The jury is still out on that matter. What I do know is this: the “white woman” men like my friend speak of is not white or a woman. The white woman they describe is an “it,” or “a concept.” Those that proclaim “it” as characteristic of white women, choose to see “it” only in her. When black men describe the white woman as more “submissive” and “tolerant” than her angry, difficult and arrogant black sister, the intent is usually to degrade black women rather than to compliment white women. (The stereotypes that black women are angry and difficult to deal with are ironically the same stereotypes that are often used to label black men). Just like most stereotypes, these comments about black and white women were constructed in the minds of (some) black men, perpetuated by mass media, and, unfortunately, are too often accepted as fact.
The white woman “concept” in the mind of a black man would not be such a bad thing if he did not attach the concept to white skin. When you consider how a mature couple operates, you see that one submits to the other. Disagreements take place respectfully behind closed doors. The couple decides who will take care of what and a man who is prepared to lead his family will have the respect and honor from the woman he chooses as his mate. If a man will treat his woman like a queen, with respect and honor, in most healthy relationships, he will be treated like a king in return. Black women, white women, any woman would love to be in a relationship with a man who has a vision and is seeking to build a legacy for his family.
Women regardless of race support their husbands. They submit themselves to their husbands and their husbands submit themselves to their wives “one to another,” as it says in the Bible. Those are qualities found in great women. Excuse me, great women who are partnered with great men. What these black men like my friend are describing is a God-fearing, mature, respectful, self-confidant and well-respected woman. The man worthy of such a woman, the man who can catch her attention and make her his own will get the respect and submission he desires without even trying. Of course that man would not likely assume that black women don’t make the grade. For that man, and every great man, I am a white woman. Every great black woman is the white woman concept or stereotype. So gentlemen, take note:
If you are a man who believes that all black women are angry, aggressive loud mouths that want nothing more than to prevent you from being a man, maybe it’s time you looked in the mirror. The question is not whether you are comforted by characteristics that only exist in women with white skin. The question is whether white skin is the only characteristic that comforts you. If the latter is true, date whomever you wish and Godspeed. Just please stop using black women as scapegoats to justify your hidden desires, because for a man of character and substance, every woman in the world, every race, every nationality- according to your description, is white.
Staff Writer; Cathleen Williams
Official website; http://www.cathleenwilliams.com