(ThyBlackMan.com) It is obvious that incarceration can put a strain on every relationship an inmate has. If there is a relationship with a significant other one may be left wondering if that person will stay with them given the situation. When there are children involved, they may have a forgiving heart but the loss of one’s presence has an impact on them, and being away from one’s children is mentally taxing. The same can be said for parental and sibling relationships. These positions are a given. What a person gets locked up for can add more strain; depending on the nature of the crime there could be shame and embarrassment for the family of the person incarcerated, and the inmate deals with that stress also. It is hard to look someone in the eyes knowing they are hurting due to loss, and your family is the cause of said pain.
There are instances whereby the family of a victim wants revenge, and since they can’t get to the inmate directly…there is fear they will attack the family of the inmate. Having a family member incarcerated for a crime they literally did not commit is torture and stress on everyone, as wrongful punishment should be considered torture. When we think about the effects of incarceration many of these concept’s surface. Yet, there is a matter of finances. Money plays a very large factor when having an incarcerated loved one. It can literally make you feel the money-making scheme that is the prison system is not only designed to break the inmate, but also their family.
Many of us are doing the best we can in terms of finances. Most need multiple streams of income to stay afloat and depending on the city you live in this narrative could get more intense. If you have to factor in children, that is another set of expenses. There are situations when you have enough to cover the house, but not too much left over. However, when a family member is incarcerated, it can become a question of how do we consistently support them as they go through the situation. Yes, there are some that will choose not to contribute at all, and that could be for various reasons. However, most want their family members to know they have not been forgotten, or abandoned as you do not know their mental state. Writing letters is a way to communicate, and though it may take longer it’s not as expensive.
Visiting can be tasking on the family depending on how far away the facility is from family. For many it means travel to another part of the state; the farther away the location the more it will cost. When the family members are older there is also the issue of health challenges posed on the ability to travel. I remember a good friend of mine that was incarcerated, and fighting to prove his innocence, it was difficult for his mother and grandmother to visit him due to illness. It would take them six hours one way just to get to him. The journey was so taxing the trip would take several days. Eventually they were no longer in the position to make it due to health challenges causing the problem, or the cost of the trip would get in the way.
Virtual visitation helped to alleviate the cost of travel, but there is still a cost. Trying to help a family member pay for commissary, or basically “keep money on their books’ is another expense. One could argue that anything not deemed as a necessity should not be a concern, but depending on the situation that may not be a wise choice. Though there are precautions in place suicide is still a thing in prison. Prison culture is on the mind, soul, and physical safety. Anything a family can do just to keep their loved one keep their spirits up, and as healthy of a state of mind as possible might seem worth the expense. When families are no longer able to pay the strain of abandonment is ever present.
Yes, you can send letters, but the family member locked up might not feel they are relevant to the family any longer. This becomes apparent when that member gets out of prison, and they see family as a source of shame and abandonment. Family is trying to get them to understand they simply couldn’t maintain financially while maintaining all responsibilities on the outside. It’s not that the incarcerated family member doesn’t understand…its just hard to accept given the facility they are in and the risk of said place. The system is not made to rehabilitate the inmate nor support the family [who has committed no crime] which could aid in the rehabilitation of the inmate. Instead, the prison system aids in breaking everything it can.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
