(ThyBlackMan.com) Everyone has gone through something that requires healing. This is not new to any of us. Speaking about the things that hurt us openly and honestly might be the new part. So many of us came up in families, and communities whereby if something deeply hurt us, we buried inside, put up a façade that everything was okay, and moved on. This became how we lived and was second nature. It was learned as we watched the elders around us do it, until we experienced hurt ourselves and it was the expectation. There is no doubt in my mind that many of us today are still unpacking hurt that has been carried for years, because we are finally in a season whereby it’s becoming acceptable to do such.
The issue becomes how do we handle hurt, and how much leeway should be given in terms of behavior. There are so many things that we see being used to better our mental health, but they are also becoming niche phrases to use to avoid matters that were created by us. This is a very dangerous space, and if one thinks about it, we are beginning to see it a lot. Far too often hurt can be the product of one’s own behavior. When we are unprepared for a situation and advised against it…but we’re greedy and selfish and want what we want we go forward. We know we’re “grown” so we continue on a properly ill-advised course of action. When it begins to unravel others try to catch us as we fall but we push those hands away. We reject them because the first thing they will do in catching us is hold us accountable.
That’s right we’re about to be introduced to…”you are wrong”. Because we still want what we want we’ll fight the ones trying to help, we will tell the lies we feel will further our position, and actually hurt the help. A path of destruction will be blazed because at this point “in over your head” is an understatement…and we are now feeling consumed by the situation. When we look up there are many hurt, and we ourselves are hurt. However, at no point do we apologize. We don’t admit to any wrongdoing. We don’t try to inquire about if there is anything we can do to help heal those we have hurt. No, there is no accountability, only a disappearance in the form of “I need to heal”.
Acknowledging that you have come to a point whereby you need to put yourself back together is a blessing. However, the fact that you honestly believe you can inflict pain upon others, in some cases ruin the lives of others, and cower behind healing is terrible. In that moment, you may not realize it but the pain you inflict continues. As you run away from the mess you created, others are left behind to pick up the pieces, and tend to their own healing without any closure from you. When this happens within a family it can destroy the relationship between parents and children, siblings, and other family members. When you are allowed to wreak havoc in your family this will create discord within other relationships.
Like, if a sibling is allowed to cause confusion, lie on others, and shun responsibility…and the parents allow this, it will create a wedge between the siblings and be parents and siblings that were hurt by the behavior of one. One person can single handled send a family into chaos causing the need for a deep healing that may never happen due to strife and pain that is still on the surface. Marriages have been ruined this way, and other group dynamics destroys… all because someone(s) decided they wanted what they wanted and created a mess they won’t own.
The worst thing you can do is hijack healing to hide from accountability. What is lost in that moment is that accountability is needed for healing. There will be no true healing while you are running from the situation you created. How do expect to heal while others are in pain by your hands? Even if you feel remorse, that would be hard to believe because you are literally moving like you are the victim in a situation you created. Far too often for the sake of peace, or what appears to be such, people continue moving forward burying the pain they feel. They will continue to love you and stand with you knowing you did them wrong, and that you used your declaration for the need for healing to run from those you harmed. It’s never too late to do better and become a better person. If you truly want to heal and move on from pain in a positive way you cannot run from accountability…something healing demands.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
