(ThyBlackMan.com) From the title you might be thinking we are about to discuss how God needs to be first in our life when we are looking for a partner. When we decide we want to be married we need to make sure that our desires are in line with God’s will. Basically, that our relationship with God should be primary in shaping said desires; this is all true but it’s not where we are headed. There is a concept floating around in the Body of Christ that whatever you have in life is what God wants you to have, and if something does not manifest it’s because God did not see fit to want that for you. Some of us believe we don’t have the career of our dreams because God decided he would not bless us with that, so we walk around feeling incomplete and to some degree angry with God because he denied us our career path. We could be working in another field and making a good living but there is still a longing because we don’t feel fulfilled in what we are doing. When others in our circle try to show us ways that we can get that career our heart desires, we push back with all the reasons we can’t try the suggestion. We feel that we’ve done all that we could, while also being closed off to possibility and opportunity that would require us to do something different than what we have done.
Basically, the expectation is that God will drop that career in our lap, and we don’t have to do anything to receive it other than pray. When we get discouraged, we speak faithless words, and use those words to tear down any possibility of success. There is a self-righteousness in this space because we’re good people, work hard, give all we can to the job we have and are diligent…so why isn’t God granting the desires of our heart. The major part that is missing in all of this is the YOU factor. We have an active part to play in manifesting the desires of our heart.
God is a huge part of your plan for a relationship, but he is not the only part. It is much easier to see the issue when we are talking about something other than relationships. When we began to speak on love and marriage there are a million and one reasons as to why the situation is totally on God. If we don’t have mister right, we reach a certain age and space in life, and we feel we have exhausted all measures then all that could be left is God must have decided marriage is out of the cards. Some of us suffer from severe trauma when it comes to relationships, but we know God is real. The problem comes when we have not fully healed from our past pain, but we are seeking a mate. In that space it is hard to admit that we may be the ones to mess up the relationship if we were in one. We see the flaws of the men around us, and when we look in the mirror, we see no unjustifiable fault within ourselves. This is problematic when seeking a relationship.
The principles of God are the same no matter who puts them into motion. Mr. right is not going to fall into your lap…you will have to get out into society. In addition to that you will need to work on the areas of your life that have triggers like landmines. The key word here is YOU. God could send Mr. Right to knock on your door, just like he could deliver the dream job, but if you have blood in your eyes, you won’t see him and continue to feel God is against you in this area. The Word specifically states he will withhold no good thing from you…so it’s time to truly assess self.
Looking internally regarding love is one of the scariest things any of us can do. In that space we will see all of our wounds for what they are and come to terms truly with who caused them even is, in some cases, one of the root causes is self. This is important because being angry at God when he is waiting on you can cause a bitterness in your heart that will contaminate other parts of your life. If you have sistahs in your life that know you deeply, and your issue in this area let them help you. Let them minister to you…and allow them to tell you the truth in love. No doctor can help a patient if they can’t honestly tell the patient what the test results state. You are not alone, and love is something you deserve. God is key in wanting and pursuing a relationship, but you must be an active and willing participant. You never know…you may have to come from among where you are not only to find the love that is already in the earth for you, but for you to also experience deep happiness and healing in other aspects of your life. As I stated God’s principle applies across the board, so this could be about a career, a relationship, family, any area that you are believing God for something while sitting on the sidelines.
We are co-laborers with God, and he can only move to the degree that we move with him. It’s not always easy, and it won’t always feel good. Some days you might feel you aren’t getting any closer to your goals…but if you can find the strength to get up you will find that God has never left you. He’s been there with you waiting to help you claim what is yours. As for “everyone” else…don’t be fooled by others. You don’t know the truth of those relationships. Every day we see the demise of a couple we thought were goals. Hold on to your heart and allow God to guide you to the blessing as you walk.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
