When Benevolence Goes Wrong.

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(ThyBlackMan.com) I grew up believing that it was better to give than to receive. I grew up believing that you should put others first. And that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Obviously, that is what is written. And those truths are works most people cannot seem to even follow. Lack of benevolence is the reason for war and a big part of the reason the courts are packed. The reason that the jails and prison are full. At least in large part. Lack of benevolence (malevolence by another name) is one of the biggest existential reasons for crime and prejudice, racism and selfishness, out of control capitalism and oppression.

Black Americans, Asian Americans, Mexican Americans and White Americans: When Benevolence Goes Wrong.

Let me preface this article by saying, if you are not a truly benevolent person, what you are about to read does not even apply to you. If you are a user, a manipulator or a taker, stop reading now. This article is for the truly benevolent people of the world, no matter how few they/we may be.

So what about those of us who have been benevolent our entire lives? Even benevolence is a two-sided coin. For those of you who believe in what you have grown up reading, learning, and following about benevolence, hold onto something because we are about to go down the rabbit hole of benevolence, the other side of it.

The first downside to benevolence that I want to talk about is when benevolence lacks balance, and when you become an enabler. If you don’t know already, you will come to find out that the more you do for many people, the less they do for you, and very often the less they do for themselves. When that happens, you end up carrying all of your weight and part of theirs. And they will let you keep carrying it for as long as you continue to do so.

When you are an enabler, you are not helping a person to stand. You are standing for them. And the more you do that, the less most people will do for themselves. You also have to be careful that you are not creating an unnatural dependency on you when they should be doing much more for themselves. I may sound redundant, but the point deserves and requires emphasis.

Recently, a man asked me for a dollar. I told him that if he pulled out a dollar, I would give him a dollar. He looked at me like I was crazy. So what did I do? I gave him nothing. He thought it was unfair that he had to meet me halfway. He thought he was entitled and the entitlement mentality, (whether food stamps, or WIC, or subsidized housing etc.), has blocked people from ever reaching their potential. If I have to get up, work and achieve, so do you. No physically person of sound mind should ever be entitled to others doing for him or her what they should be doing for themselves.

The solution? Have people meet you halfway, if that. Help people who help themselves. Help people to help themselves. Don’t just do the things for them that they should be doing. This entitlement mentality has to stop. It is a mental poverty infection. It is also an It is also a big part of why so many African-Americans will always be Democrats. But that is an issue for another time. And if you were up to me, I would wind down then end every entitlement program in this country, unless you need it for a short time, or unless you were disabled. Millions of sorry, lazy people live in America. Millions of people with excuses, and 1000 reasons to blame everybody else for what they did not step up and accomplish.

It does not matter who is president, you still have to achieve, make money and pay bills. It does not matter what the state of the economy is, you still have to, make money and pay bills. It does not matter if your employee likes you or not, is trying to get rid of you or you don’t make enough. Why not? Because you still have to achieve, make money and pay bills. That is for certain. What are you going to do about it? So it’s more up to you than the people so many Americans think have the ultimate authority over their lives. What about a little self-determination?

The next part of the other side of the coin is that benevolent people are often taken for granted. Once people get used to you doing for them what they should be doing, when you don’t, they act as if you did something wrong. That is another twisted element of the entitlement mindset. So do what you need to do and do what you are supposed to do then let people carry their own weight. If you have to help for a time, it should only be until they can carry their own weight. Not just until you can carry it for them.

Step back, do what you are supposed to do and let them realize how much you have been doing that they could have and should have been doing for themselves. This will cause a different level of respect for you, once they get over you not carrying their weight.

In marriage, on the job, and in a family, it is a team effort. Each person must do his or her part. Each person must carry his or her own weight, or at least make the diligent effort to do so. If not, benevolent people are certain to get taken advantage of. I have seen it. I have experienced it. I have counseled many people on both sides of this issue. And I have seen the damage when people deliberately fail or refuse to carry their own weight.

The reality is that we can only afford to be as benevolent as we can afford to be. We cannot afford to help those who are not helping themselves because in doing so, we are really hurting and enabling them while draining our resources. When that happens, we contribute to cycles that only allow people to live below their potential and get comfortable doing it. If you want to help somebody, partner with them as they lead the way.

Staff Writer; Trevo Craw

A Free Thinker, who loves to talk about Politics, etc. Also, all about uplifting the Black Community even if it doesn’t fit your mindset. One may hit me up at; TrevoCraw@ThyBlackMan.com.