(ThyBlackMan.com) Ladies those of us that love well tend to love hard, and at 100% capacity. We don’t mind giving all we have, because we know we aspire to be wives, and feel we love him. Some women have different motives, and reasons as to why they go all in without title. However, regardless of reason this is an unwise choice that can have rather painful consequences. Relationships require growth, and they have levels. We must allow ourselves to experience each level as they come. Jumping the gun with a significant other can create false expectations for both parties. I know we don’t like hearing it but rights belong to wives. Boo thangs, girlfriends, fiancés and significant others that are nicknamed “wifey” are not the same as actually being married. This is important to acknowledge because it should govern how much you are willing to give of yourself. If you don’t have the Mrs it’s not safe to function in its capacity.
Sometimes we are so excited that our current relationship may be the one we run full speed ahead with no breaks. Often times we are given, or create, the expectation that our relationship is on moving to another level. This is where words, not just actions, are needed. Commitment, and the level of such, are established verbally…then our actions are to reinforce that position. Ladies, we must beware of telling ourselves “well he treats me like his wife”. He could be doing everything we think he should, if we are the wife, then one day the behavior changes drastically. When confronted he explains his abrupt change by stating “we aren’t married”, or “I never said it was this serious”.
When this happens our world comes crashing down because we have been cooking, cleaning, supporting, sexing, and encouraging in the manner of a wife. It is a very tough pain when he denies the existence of a relationship all together. If we aren’t careful we can allow these situations to scar us in a manner by which we mistreat the next man based on painful experiences.
It is important to have a clear understanding of the status of a relationship before accessing how much of yourself you are willing to commit. Dating, relationship, engaged and married are four different levels of commitment, and it is necessary to determine the value you place on each level. Exclusivity should be established, and understood by both parties before it is your mindset. Clarity can alleviate a lot of misunderstanding.
Lastly, understand that a wife is legally, and depending on your belief system, spiritually in covenant. There are things she can demand, even if she is denied she’s within her right, that a girlfriend cannot like…absolute openness on all levels. Yes she knows his driver’s license and social security number. In a healthy relationship she is a help mate, and shares the responsibilities of a home that she also has legal rights to. Within a marriage there are many challenges, emotional hurdles and the coming together of families which is another can of worms entirely. However, she knows at the end of the day he comes home to her, and they are one in this life.
Don’t allow a man, or yourself, to cause you to function on a level by which you are not honored. Basically, don’t play wife. Either you are the Mrs or not…and if you are not don’t allow yourself to carry that lever of nurturing, accountability, duty and responsibility for a title that is less than. When you get married you want to have the energy to give your husband all of you… not fractured pieces that have been expended elsewhere while merely playing a role.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
