(ThyBlackMan.com) It can be argued communication is one of the cornerstones of a relationship. To be more specific, positive communication would be best. Far too often we think of expressing ourselves more honestly with attention to tone and empathy when positive communication comes to mind. However, how we receive the information we’re hearing is apart of communication. The question is are you listening, or did you just hear? No, these are not the same. Hearing means just that you heard the words being spoken; you might have even heard them without interrupting the speaker and with a body language that allows the speaker to feel as those what they’ve said has been truly taken in. Then of course there is actually listening to what’s being spoken which would allow you to actually sit with it to process what is being conveyed. This matters when it comes to handling conflict and differences in a relationship. Aside from trust it could be the biggest deal breaker, or relationship mender. It could even be argued that, to a degree, trust is also based on communication. When it breaks down everything from expectations to feeling can go down the drain.
Communication is not the same for everyone. For one, it could be said that women and men do not communicate in the same manner. For a relationship to have a fighting chance it is very important to have conversations that allow both parties to express their communication style, and compromise on what will work best for the relationship. Granted this is more so from the position of a romantic relationship, but this is very necessary for any relationship one may find themselves in. Communication is one of those areas that require self-evaluation. We must have the courage not only to evaluate what we need in terms of communication, but also what we give.
One of the hardest things could be the reciprocity needed to at the very least give the respect one needs and demands when communicating. One of the best examples of this is, no one wants to be yelled at, cursed out, cut off, or assumed when communication. Not tolerating these things is understandable, but it is just as important to not do to others what we aren’t willing to tolerate. Advocating for reciprocity while constantly working to root out hypocrisy will allow positive communication to flourish.
The differences, as briefly mentioned, in communication must be addressed early, but they must also be revisited over time. A married couple may communicate one way as newlyweds, but this communication will change over the years as they change individually, and as life happens. Friends will go through many different phases in life and communication will be a large part of those changes. This might seem minor, or like automatic knowledge but that is furthest from the truth. We must allow the people we love to grow and make adjustments along with them in terms of how we communicate and interact. You might be in a relationship whereby the communication was very frequent, detailed, and occurred at the same time for the most part, but that person could experience a loss, or other kind of traumatic event that causes them to be a bit more withdrawn.
It could cause their communication to feel colder and as though they are pulling away. This could trigger a negative feeling within you as not only are you wanting to be there for them in their time of need, but you are also accustomed to the previous pattern of their communication. This can lead to miscommunication, abusive language, and a drifting apart because the needs and expectation for communication changed due to a traumatic event.
There are a few things to consider when working to strengthen communication in a relationship. It is understandable that one may feel the need to start with their partner in terms of the work that needs to be done. However, do all that you can to resist this urge. It is important to realize the work must begin with self. This is not the answer we want, but it is the answer that renders the best results. Working on finding out, and rooting out, what can be toxic about one’s own communication makes you a better partner and validates your expectations. If you know that you tend to cut people off, curse them out when angry, or assume what someone is trying to say verses allowing them to convey their thoughts…working on this behavior is self is where you’d want to begin.
Finish story here; Black Community: Communication Makes or Breaks Relationships.