(ThyBlackMan.com) Parents set limits for their children and most of the time, it’s for the child’s better future. We want our kids to follow a certain path in life, and most importantly, we want them to become better and more successful than us. We rarely let them see our vulnerabilities and we want our kids to learn from our experiences. Every time we stop them from talking to strangers or going out as often as they want, we want them to understand that the world outside is not as safe as our home.
Sometimes they understand and sometimes they feel like their parents are not allowing them to live their life on their own terms. For every child, control is necessary. It helps them in the long run and as a parent, we understand the importance of control. Setting limits on certain types of behavior is good for children but as parents, how many of us truly understand the difference between behavioral and psychological limits? Most of us don’t and we bring our controlling behavior in almost everything our kids want to do or feel.
We appreciate the fact that some people design their lives in their own way. We like it when we read or hear about people who take the road less traveled but are we really going to allow our kids to do the same? And most importantly, are we mentally preparing our kids to design a life of their dreams? Sadly, we are not.
Most of us don’t know how to set limits. We set limits on their behavior, but with that, we also set limits on their feelings. Many parents do not allow their kids to have certain types of feelings and that’s how they foster dependence. As a result, these kids, when they reach adulthood, find themselves less satisfied with life. Their mental wellbeing also gets weaker with age.
Some parents try to control their child’s belief system. They want their kids to look at and feel things in the same way as they do. If the child crosses the limit, these parents try to use guilt as a punishment. They make their kids feel that they will not be loved if they don’t follow their parents’ words. These parents make themselves unavailable to their child even for small mistakes. They get angry or they stop speaking to the child to make him realize that he is not allowed to feel and think about anything other than what his parents want. This type of behavior is more like an assault than positive parenting.
These kids, when they grow up, become unable to make decisions. They seek approval even for small things. Their independence becomes so limited that they can’t regulate their own behavior and choose a path for themselves. Parents are responsible for developing the sense of loneliness in their kids. You may have heard many people saying “no one understands me.” Many adults these days don’t know what exactly they want in their life. Some might argue that it’s normal for anyone, but sadly, it is not.
When you don’t let your kids make their own decisions, they live with fear. They procrastinate, they delay decision-making, and in most of the situations, they run away from their responsibilities. There comes a day when they see their parents expecting them to take decisions on their own. The same parents who force their child by using guilt induction suddenly start expecting their kids to be independent.
On the other hand, some parents want their kids to do what’s needed. No matter if it is about completing their homework, using gadgets for a fixed period of time, or meeting the others’ needs. This strictness is their way to foster habits that help their kids. Instead of psychologically assaulting their children, they promote emotional development.
University College London’s study found that the effect of psychological control is similar to the death of a close relative. Will you make your child suffer like this or you will help them design their own lives and help them make smart decisions? The choice is yours.
Staff Writer; Corey Shaw
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