Saturday, December 9, 2023

How Real Men Honor Black Womanhood.

November 9, 2022 by  
Filed under BM, Brother Talk, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Several months ago, a fierce debate erupted in the black community after Oscar nominee Will Smith slapped Oscar host Chris Rock live on stage and in front of a viewing audience of millions. As I write this article, the current Black incarceration rate in America sits at 1,096 per every 100,000 Black Americans, according to Bureau of Justice statistics.  For Black men specifically, it’s double.

I don’t have a breakdown of reasons for the astounding Black male incarceration rate, but I imagine it revolves around many themes, not the least of which is “turf” or “respect”, which I believe is the central theme surrounding Smith’s treatment of Chris Rock.

Seen from this perspective and the cultural apropos surrounding the Oscars’ night debacle, the exposed fault lines clearly run across gender politics in our community.

Black men either

a) commensurate with Will Smith’s actions


b) oppose the notion that a woman’s honor is to be defended at whatever the cost.

The history of black male to female relationships has been shaped by a painful past filled with vestiges of slavery, which witnessed miscegenation, the rape of our women and the tearing asunder of black families. History books have been written about the ways in which black men resisted this and the price they paid for defending the honor of the family institution and their wives.

Fast forward to the sobering statistics listed at the beginning of this article. Throughout American history, black men have paid a heavy toll for defending our women, homes, and our well-being, which continues into today. This is not to suggest the preponderance of black men are incarcerated for defending their families, although some notions of “turf” are interwoven in so many cases.

The only thing which separates the historical underpinning from today is the fact that, in the matter of Chris Rock and Will Smith, we have two black men involved: one brother accosting another brother, both of whom are members of the black elite. Regardless of socio-economic status, though, defending black women is mimicked daily in inner cities and suburbs across the nation.

Will Smith’s slap was acted out on a high-profile stage but could just as easily be duplicated down the block.

To be sure, lots of brothers stood up for brother Will, but probably not as many as women.  On my social media feeds, black women almost to a tee high-fived Will Smith for “protecting the honor” of his wife.

What does this mean?  Are brothers to risk prison, social emasculation, and financial ruin in the name of standing up for our women?

Black Couple - Smiling.

More importantly, how may black men “defend” the honor of their women in a virulent, increasingly anti-black culture which has historically used black women as oppressive tools of division?

Through awareness, education, and advocacy.

First, becoming more aware of the multitude of challenges that black women face daily is the first step in honoring our women. This means we must put our ego down and assume an attitude of empathy and understanding. This is what real men do. Real men honor the place and struggle of our women. Our men did it throughout slavery. Our men must do it today.

Second, we honor our women by education. We pay attention to the vicious policies in corporate America, in boardrooms and classrooms that mitigate against the advancement of black women in all aspects of society. An example of educating ourselves is paying more attention to the alarming rates of suspension, expulsion and incarceration happening among our young black girls (a rate which is rivaling that of black boys). This is a direct result of having increased our awareness of such challenges. It automatically leads us to join our sisters in becoming knowledgeable to make a difference.

Third, we advocate on behalf of black women. We join black women in their own push for advocacy. We demand peace and justice had better roll down like mighty streams. Advocating for our women is not nothing new – it’s been part of our history in this country. Now, however, wedges have been inserted into the unity of the black sexes.

If we are going to defend the honor of our women, let’s engage in positive dialogue; lets raise the level of awareness; let’s educate ourselves and the public and let’s advocate for demonstrable change.

When we do this, we join the legions of our forefathers who did likewise.

Staff Writer; W. Eric Croomes

This brother is the Believer’s Coach and is a licensed pastor, speaker and certified holistic lifestyle coach. Pastor Croomes is author of Watch Your Life: The Believer’s Guide to Thinking, Speaking and Acting Confidently in a Belief-Challenged World and Surge into the New: Stand Up Reach God’s Excellence, a book aimed at helping Christian believers strengthen their faith walk in Christ, written in the middle of a pandemic.

One may contact him at; and online;


One Response to “How Real Men Honor Black Womanhood.”
  1. J.T. Hollin says:

    I disagree with this gentleman’s manner of identifying the problem. There are other choices that a Black man may feel about the situation, other than (a) and (b). The word, “commensurate” I believe is inappropriate. Probably better to use “identify”” or “empathize.” I don’t identify with Will Smith’s action, nor do I have sympathy for him. With regard to selection (b), first, (from input from Black women), there has to be an undeniable fact that a particular woman has “honor” to defend.

    If that honor does in fact exist, then a Black man in Smith’s situation must come up with alternative solutions to address his perception that the woman has been insulted. We, as a culture, are quick to engage in anger and violence toward each other, resulting in us committing physical harm and murder against each other with ten times the frequency that police do to us.

    It will be a new dawning to see Black males consider acting with love toward one another, even when possessions, money or a woman is the object of one’s wrath and spiritual unraveling. Even if a person considers another Black man as your “enemy” because of some offense he has inflicted on you or yours, it is still to a blessing if the offended person can exemplify Jesus. Also, forgiveness is very powerful, if we can make that part of our daily living. JTH

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