(ThyBlackMan.com) When you got together with her, she seemed to be the best thing to happen to you since your new car, your new job or sliced bread. But when things went sour, and you broke up, somehow it seems that she changed into Satan‘s best friend. What happened? Was the evil of your X dormant all along? Or was it obvious but you just were not paying attention? These are the issues we will address in this article. So let’s get to it.
First of all remember that you chose her. Meaning that she either hid her real self from you or you saw it and overlooked it because of other things you liked. Now it seems that has come back to bite you in the jugular like a starving vampire on steroids. The lesson you should learn? Everything that looks good is not automatically good for you. And regardless of what the pastor says (to some of you), unfortunately you cannot pray your way out of dealing with an evil X. Nor can you just focus on you (as many counselors will tell you to do) when you are being bombarded with attacks from the female version of satan. Let’s be realistic here.
Second of all, DO NOT EVER LET AN EVIL WOMAN INSIDE YOUR HEAD! If she gets to your heart, she can trigger your emotions. But if she gets inside your head, she can completely destroy you, your ability to reason, think your way through turmoil and respond in a way that allows you to protect yourself. In order to keep her out of your head, some of you brothers are going to have to shut up and stop revealing your innermost thoughts and vulnerabilities.
Third of all, before you plan out and implement a strategic, peaceful and lawful course of action to deal with this “person”, make sure you did not give her a good reason to be the way she is or worse. If you did, you may be getting what you deserve because karma is a boomerang, not an arrow. In some cases, even though each woman is responsible for her own actions, the man has contributed to her baggage, bitterness and anger. On the other hand, there are those of us who were not the problem – she was pure and simple. It takes two in order to build a great relationship but only one to take it straight into the toilet.
Now you are going to need to realize a few things about unhappy, recalcitrant women full of animosity and baggage. First of all, on that note, they are being advised by a bunch of women just like them. They keep an evil X angry and ready to fight you. They keep her trying to think one step ahead of you – or two or three. And they are unified, unlike most men who are the victims of evil women. Your evil X is being advised by women on how to push your buttons. So it makes sense that you don’t let that happen.
You see women live in a world of emotion so they can function in emotion. Men must live in a world of reason, the counterbalance to women. But when a woman lures a man into the world of emotion, if you stay there too long, you will do something unwise or even just plain stupid. Something that will give her leverage and advantages that you did not anticipate. I find it sad, sickening and ironic that people like Steve Harvey would try to share how men think in books and movies. Why? Because he is a sellout. Women do not spend time exposing how they think to men. They know better. But here we go with Steve Harvey selling out and Usher singing about how he will do everything for the woman while she does nothing for him. Then incomes Beyoncé kicking the man to the left.
One thing you can do if you say you are a man is to be a man, not a boy and not a dog. When you are a real man, your actions build your reputation and all of that speaks for itself. That commands respect. So respect yourself, respect others and set the tone. But when you are not a real man, all of that speaks for itself as well. I suggest that you have your own place, your own things and a line drawn in the sand as early in the relationship as you can. That way, if and when the break up happens, there is no kicking you to the left. But there might need to be cases where you put her stuff out in the front yard. Do you hear me? Or would you rather be a homeless, broke and emotional reck at her mercy?
Now you can say you are not going to fight back, but if you don’t, you will suffer at the hands of an evil X and what she has initiated. And when you are down, she will kick you again. You can say you want to be the bigger person “for the children’s sake”. But an evil X is not thinking like that and she will even use the children to get back at you. From screwing up your visitation to trying to replace you with another man in the lives of your children, it happens every week. I have seen it. I have seen hundreds (yes hundreds) of cases where the men were trying to do the right thing while their evil Xs are doing just the opposite. So while you say you do not want the children to get caught in the crossfire, know that an evil X does not care and will still blame it all on you when the children end up in therapy or growing up to enter destructive, toxic personal relationships or worse. It’s self-preservation time guys and you better learn the lesson quick.
Here we are today in a society of courts, laws, feminism, politics and culture that gives women more rights than men when all the women have to do is play the victim. Then any response, reaction or suffering they have, is explained and justified as a result of what “the man has done”. I’m not saying there are not guilty men or even boys masquerading as men. I’m not saying there are not sorry men, trifling men or men who cause many of the problems. I am not saying there are not abusive men and cheating men. I am saying that is not the majority of us, but we are stereotyped anyway and then treated accordingly.
AN EVIL X IS SCHEMING WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING
African American men in America need to recognize the reality is you are not given equal protection under the law. Nor equal rights, nor equal authority. So position yourself, your assets and your responses wisely and accordingly. If she knows what you have a value, that is what she will go after, viciously and relentlessly. And that can be the children as pawns, your career, your reputation or any material thing. Even your freedom or you new relationship. And this is no joke. I have seen it happen more times than I can count. And man after man sits there in a daze, wondering how the women who once said she loved him could become so vicious.
Men of color need to learn to dial 911 just like trifling women do. I recently walked a brother through that and he made smart moves. Men of color need to learn to stand their ground and not go to sleep on the sofa or not be the one to move out. When you move out of the house you are paying for, you are not being the bigger person. You are giving her the advantage. And the angry, bitter, bipolar or baggage filled skeleton of a woman will use every one of these things against you. This is the reality of today. Expect the courts to help your trifling, evil X, the laws to favor her and the women’s groups to advise her how to make it hard for you. Expect her to use the children, your friends, your co-workers, her friends and anybody else she can to make it difficult for you. Why? Because she is unhappy from within, a problem you cannot fix. But because misery loves company, she will ease her pain by making you suffer. I have seen it, counseled men through it and counseled women to drop it. This is the reality of today. So think smart, plan ahead and don’t let her drag you into making emotional decisions which can be used against you.
Footnote: I am very happily married to an awesome, phenomenal, strong, supportive, competent, confident African American woman. So before some of you try to typecast me as a bitter man ironing out my issues with a pen, know that is not the case. But I speak from what I know, what I have seen, those I have helped and on behalf of the good men who are catching it bad from the women they are or were with. It’s that simple. And this is the “real talk” you won’t hear many counselors, therapists, pastors or life coaches share.
Staff Writer; Trevo Craw
A Free Thinker, who loves to talk about Politics, etc. Also, all about uplifting the Black Community even if it doesn’t fit your mindset. One may hit me up at; TrevoCraw@ThyBlackMan.com.
