Saturday, February 4, 2023

Domestic Violence is NOT Just About Women.

August 22, 2022 by  
Filed under BM, Brother Talk, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( A couple gets into a heated discussion that escalates into a shouting match. Tempers flare and the cursing begins as neither party seems to back down.  In the heat of the arguing the woman involved punches the man involved in the face.  She may not realize it but she does not view him as a victim because he is a man.  She also know that if he defends himself, or fights back the police just might take him regardless of the fact that she threw the first punch.  She knows that in many cities the law is on her side no matter what, and there is a legion of women that have been battered that will rally to her aid. Many women would say he ought not hit her back…a man should never hit a woman.  I understand this concept, yet I would like to propose an alternative idea…NO ONE deserves to be abused nor hit.

As we look at the ills of domestic violence we must realize that this subject is not just about women and children.  There is an alarming number of men that endure physical and psychological abuse at the hands of their female lover or spouse, and they suffer in silence.  Addressing this fact does not diminish the plight of women who have suffered domestic violence.  We must realize that men and women are human beings…ones safety in the home should not be valued over another.  Some women don’t realize how big of a problem this has been until a male family member or friend is assaulted by his significant other, and he walks away bruised having not fought back.

For a long time we have lived in a society that says men are strong, and they are less than men if they take a beating from a woman. Every women isn’t a frail individual.  There are women that can deliver a jab that stings, and leaves a bruise.  I have a brother, and I respect why he would never hit a woman.  However, I admit that I would be concerned about his position should a woman put her hands on him.  Men are not allowed any excuse for beating a woman.  It doesn’t matter the stress he’s under, his health…it doesn’t even matter if she provoked him verbally and/or physically; men ought not hit.  I feel this is a severe double standard that must be addressed as we tackle the subject of domestic violence.

There are many women that know their breaking point.  They know what actions or words would drive them to abuse and violence.  Many feel justified in whatever cause would provoke them; men are not allowed this leeway.  Men are human beings just like us.  They have feelings, and they can also be provoked to behave out of character.  Is it right for me to know that if a man spat in my face I would have a hard time restraining myself against hitting him, but feel that if I spit in his face he should automatically be the pillar of restraint and he had better not dream of hitting me.  Ladies this is unreasonable, hypocrisy, and a terrible double standard.

We, woman and men, should be physically safe in our relationships.  No one should have to endure physical nor psychological abuse.  I know from experience that abuse and violence leaves scars. I would imagine that it would inflict damage on a man just as it has inflicted damage upon me…a woman.

I call for us as people to summon our humanity for all…not merely our own gender.  We should not only reach out to our sisters that are hurting as a result of domestic violence, but also our brothers. Domestic Violence is not just about women…it’s about human beings. We must stand with PEOPLE that are victims of domestic violence.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at FacebookC. Starr and also TwitterMrzZeta.



2 Responses to “Domestic Violence is NOT Just About Women.”
  1. Roger Crain says:

    A man should never hit a woman, even if she throws the first punch. Of course, it would look like the man is cowering from the woman. The woman knows this and so does the man. So, the man would be viewed as the victim even if he remains passive. Furthermore, the man knows that taking his fists and returning the woman’s aggression he will be the abuser or victim.

  2. Anirban (Abner) Bhattacharya says:

    Signs of an unhappy relationship are domestic violence (assault & battery)-the biggest 1. Other things that can be found in an unhappy marriage are adultery (affairs) or quarrels. In my case, when unhappy, I’ve taken trips outside U.S. by myself such as China (2010 to escape marital problems), Spain & Portugal (2012 to again escape marital problems) & Spain (2014 again to escape marital problems). I was disappointed when she didn’t take the 2012 Spain & Portugal trip as I lived in Spain when I was 11 to 14 years old.

    But domestic violence or assault & battery are serious signs of a bad relationship which in worst cases can result in murder. While men commit most domestic violence, there are violent women. Women can be more violent than men in some cases. The 2013 Jodi Ann Arias trial where a Jodi Ann Arias (who had Borderline Personality Disorder) stalked & 1 day killed her ex-boyfriend is the example of a violent women who stalked her ex boyfriend Travis V. Alexander & then 1 day stabbing him to death. She was convicted of Murder 1 and got life.

    I met the Jodi Ann Arias prosecutor Juan M. Martinez in 1999 when I lived in Arizona (the place is too hot for me to live) and he tried a case where Scott L. Falater stabbed his wife to death and then used the sleepwalking defense. Scott L. Falater was convicted of Murder 1 as well is doing life. There are violent men and there are violent women. Prosecutor Juan M. Martinez has gotten juries to convict men who kill their wives such as Scott L. Falater of Murder 1 in 1999 & women such as Jodi Ann Arias who kill their ex boyfriends of Murder 1 in 2013.

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