(ThyBlackMan.com) Dear Black Men,
Greeting’s gentlemen. I hope this letter reaches you in good spirits. I know it’s been a while since our last conversation. I apologize for my absence. I’ve been on a hiatus; working on other projects, living life, and learning things that will help both of us grow. How have things been going with you since the last time we spoke? Hopefully our conversations have assisted you in getting to the next level in life.
Here recently I suffered a devastating lost. One of my good friends died in an 18-wheeler accident. What makes it more heartbreaking is that it appears he was suffering as he was losing his life. I don’t know about you, but I want to die peacefully. Or better you I don’t want to feel a thing. I just want to wake up in heaven or as my new self, if that’s what you believe. My friend was one of the most positive, enthusiastic people you’d ever meet. His energy was so magnetic that you had no choice but to be drawn to it. We met my sophomore year. He was a junior. I was cool with his brother and his other roommate. We bumped heads initially. Not because of anything he had done directly to me. He tried to talk to my girlfriend.
I ended up cursing him out. Telling him that he was nothing. He was lame. The only reason he was able to join his fraternity is because of his cousin and all manner of other things. What makes it worst is that I was sitting in his car when I was saying all these things. I was too drunk to drive back to my dorm and he was giving me a ride. Yes, I know. I’m an asshole. My friend didn’t take it to heart. Of course, he wanted to fight me, however he didn’t. He didn’t allow his ego or emotions to take over in that moment. A few weeks later I apologized, and we have been tight ever since.
My friend was a true lover of life. You would always see him laughing, smiling, having a good time. The suddenness and gruesomeness of his death shocked a lot of people. For me, his death forced me to look at my life. I had some questions to ask myself. Was I enjoying life, was I living like I had a love for life, or had I become complacent? To be honest brother, I was disappointed in my answers. I had in fact lost my love for life. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I want to die anytime soon; however, I remember the spark I lived with. That was one of the reasons my friend and I connected so easily. We were kindred spirits. After being honest about my lack of spark I had to discover where I lost it.
I started to lose my spark around the time I had my daughter. Moral of the story; Don’t have children. I’m kidding. My daughter’s mother and I struggled financially. Our power was often disconnected, we faced eviction, we didn’t have money for food. It was horrible. My inability to be the man and take care of my family weighed heavily on our relationship. Not only the relationship; it weighed heavy on me.
I always prided myself on doing what I’m supposed to do. I was supposed to get good grades, I was supposed to graduate, I was supposed to go to college, but here I was supposed to take care of my family and I was failing. Fast forward to present day. My spark is not here because I don’t always do what I’m supposed to do, and I’ve shut myself off from the world. This will no longer be my reality. So, brother if you realize that you too have lost your spark; I implore you to come on this journey with me as we take back what we’ve lost and resume living life instead of surviving it. Peace and Blessings brother.
#ImHereToHelp
Staff Writer; Christian Johnson
One may also connect with this brother over on Instagram; CJTheWriter.