(ThyBlackMan.com)
Dear Black Man,
What’s up brother? I was in the gym lifting weights when you crossed my mind. Slipping by DMX was playing. I began to reminisce on the times I had slipped and felt like I couldn’t get up. What made it worse was looking around at my counterparts and none of them appeared to be struggling like I was. Immediately I began to question myself even more. “Is it something wrong with me?” “Am I that bad of a person?” “Why are their lives so much better than mine?” In all honesty, the answer was no, however I found myself asking those questions either right before I started drinking or the morning after. I didn’t know it or want to admit it, but alcohol was causing me to live a life that I didn’t like. But here’s the kicker, although alcohol was the main cause of my disdain; it also allowed me to be comfortable in it. Crazy, I know.
Right now, you may be depressed because you know your life can be better. That it should be better, however the addiction to your vice prevents you from realizing how great you are. I promise I understand. As stated above, I was there also. Let me tell you a story. I had my daughter my junior year of college. She’s the most beautiful girl in the world. Her mom and I move in together. She had graduated a few months before having our daughter. So, the plan was I would work and finish my degree and she would get a job also. Sounds good right? It should have worked, but my addiction did not let it.
I had started drinking more frequently and a larger quantity. I was basically drinking a fifth, if you are a drinker you know what I’m talking about, a day. Initially I could control it. I was still going to school and working, but after some time I started being too sick to go to class or hungover so I couldn’t go to work. Instead of working 40 hours a week. I’d work 30 one week and 25 another. It was a gradual decline, but a decline, nevertheless. My infrequent hours and small paycheck led to problems with my daughter’s mother. She was having to use majority of her check on bills and our daughter. As opposed to us going half on everything. I know for a fact that that is one of the major reasons we split ways, something that still bothers me from time to time. Because all I’ve ever wanted was a family. I created one, but my addiction to alcohol led me to throwing it away, but that’s a horse of another color.
Back to the story. So, I’m not working like I should so that meant I didn’t have money. My lowest moment came when I stole money out my daughter’s piggy bank to buy a bottle of whiskey. I knew something had to change. But I told myself I was too far gone. And that everyone was drinking. I mean look on TV or movies or social media. All the cool people are drinking. I’m cool so I’m supposed to be drinking. Wrong. Not everyone drinks to get drunk. And honestly the most successful people drink little to no alcohol. It’s only the people at the bottom that drinks in excess.
With that being said, Brother you have to put the bottle down if you want to live the life you and I know you’re capable of. The world needs your talents. You see how disorderly the world is without your positive input. You are what’s needed in our community and culture. Our lives are glaring examples of the evils of addiction. We’ve lost family, friends, money, opportunities, and happiness. I don’t know about you, but I want mines back. Everyday I am fighting to regain what I gave away just so I could feed my addiction. Fortunately, I had a mentor from high school that pulled me aside and helped me get back on the right track. He saw something in me. I see the same in you. You have wasted enough of your potential. Now it’s time to realize how powerful you are. I believe in you.
I’ll leave you with this. As I was learning to control my addiction a guy at a meeting pulled me to the side one day and said. “Young man if you remain sober and live life with a purpose. You’re going to be a bad Mother F*****.” I’m saying to you brother. “You’re going to be a bad Mother F*****
Staff Writer; Christian Johnson
One may also connect with this brother over on Instagram; CJTheWriter.