(ThyBlackMan.com) The lack of a father in the home can be devastating for a child. We’ve heard all of the statistics about the trauma children face when they their father is not in their life, or even more so when they have no idea who he is. There has been extensive discussion within the black community about the effects this has on black boys. Anger, confusion, poor grades, violence, and a constant longing to see themselves in the man that helped create them are just a few problems they face. In these situations, the trauma can be compounded if mom doesn’t know what to do with the boy, and there seems to be an emotional disconnect between mother and son. The trauma these young boys endure follows them into adulthood and has an impact on every relationship they encounter. Far too often wives and children pay the price of their pain. Healing can take place for the man deeply hurting inside, but we will never truly understand his feat until he tells us the story. In “Fathered While Fatherless” author Michael Wellington opens up to share the depths of his pain growing up without his father, and how that deeply affected his life.
This book is important because Michael Wellington is vulnerable, and completely honest about his experience in a way that allows us to get an idea of the depth of his pain. One of the things that stood out in the book is how transparent the author is about how his suffering almost costed him his marriage. He opened up about how reckless his behavior had become, and the depth of spirituality needed to work his way back to the woman he loves. He explained why he didn’t want kids, but it was all connected to his trauma. What hit hard was the strained relationship with his mother.
“For as long as I can remember, the relationship that I have had with my mother was very shaky. We did not have the typical “television”, mother-son relationship. We didn’t have hugs daily. We didn’t affirm each other. “I love you” wasn’t a phrase we used out loud often very often, or at all for that matter.”
When we hear about the fatherless situation, where boys are concerned, often times we don’t hear of a relationship with the mother that is so damaging a severing of a sort happens. Michael Wellington goes in depth about the situations that led to him not speaking to his mother for several years, and the come to Jesus at a gospel event. In taking in his experience mothers can get a viewpoint from the child on how love, or the lack thereof, effects the child. It’s as though they are fighting for love and worth from the only parent they have.
This is an amazing book. The raw honesty is something the reader can respect and appreciate. The power of having a spiritual relationship with God was a driving force in healing and redefined the idea of fatherless. The book can leave the reader feeling there can be reconciliation because the Father is divine. Share this book with young black boys, and girls and it can help them work through what they feel in the absence of their father. In the “Letter to my 14-year-old self” a young person may find the starting point for healing. It can also help parents address the pain of their child…while dealing with their own if they are that child. This book is needed part of the discussion on black families.
“Fathered While Fatherless” by Michael Wellington is available on Amazon, and anywhere books are sold.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
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