(ThyBlackMan.com) Kids can be something of a challenge to crack. They’re fickle, they move through interests, when they talk sometimes it’s just not particularly interesting, they put their commentary on things that don’t really concern them, and sometimes you’re just not interested in the things they’re interested in. Like honestly, I do not care about Fortnite. At all, chief.
However, it’s really important to build relationships with your kids and younger family members. Things can become strained when the groundwork was never laid down. As a matter of fact, having a good relationship or just showing an effort towards having a strong relationship with your kids could go a long way towards goodwill with them.
I mean, they’re too young to realize that you don’t have to accept apologies—unless you taught them that early. Wise but you have to be on top of having a positive relationship with your kids. Here are seven things that can build a good relationship with your kids.
Take Them Out to Eat
People love food. Young people, old people, girls, and boys. Eating is considered a hobby to some—well, many. If you go on a dating site or whatever, people will actually have “eating” under hobbies. It’s like putting “breathing” there, it’s a biological necessity.
Anyway, the point is: folks love to eat and kids love going out to eat. It’s one thing to eat at home, that’s pretty much private life plus food but going out to a place to eat is something else. This is especially true for kids. Find a place, let your children know you’re going out to eat and just have a good time.
Get that ice cream with all the gummy worms, sprinkles, and trash on it. They love that for some reason. Make that place the one you go to spend time with them but don’t let the place you take them for good grades and behavior double for this. Keep them separate.
Listen to Their Stories
I love hearing a good story. The changes in cadence, exaggeration, twists and turns, shade, life experiences—it’s all awesome. Unfortunately, young kids tend not to be the best storytellers. When they become teens and they’ve been around peers and adults who are able to get through telling a story or they pick up how to move through a story, they become much better and will only become better from there.
So, you’ve got this adolescent who really has a story to tell. You’ve heard them tell a story before and they were hit or miss the last few times. This could be a long and unwieldy story. Off the bat, it sounds like an unappealing endeavor. Listen to it anyway. Listening to nonsense goes towards that goodwill you want when building a relationship.
After all, if they can tell you this story which might not be about anything and might never end, you’re willing to listen when something is wrong. Telling a kid to come tell you when something is wrong or that they can tell you anything hits differently when you’ve listened to almost anything from them.
Learn Their Hobbies
You don’t have to be deep into your kids’ interests but know what they enjoy doing, what shows they like, what games they dig, and so on is a good way to build that relationship. Take mental notes or write it down if you have to but learn what they enjoy doing when they’re not in school or hanging around you.
Like I said, you don’t have to be totally into what they like and sometimes it might be the same things you enjoy doing and there’s a smooth transition. The thing is to just learn it and do some surface research. That little bit of research and familiarity with their stuff will come in handy in a pinch.
This is honestly a minor tip but it’s one of the easiest ones to pick up and run with. All you have to do is listen and watch at least and take actual notes at most.
Show Concern Towards What Bothers Them
You don’t want to say “You’re a kid, you don’t have any business and there’s nothing wrong with you.” They’re a child, an adolescent. Sure, you wouldn’t say that to a teen, life is really starting to get dicey with them in junior high and high school. However, an adolescent?
While sometimes it’s overreaction to minor daily events—probably 50-percent overreacting—with what’s going on with children now in middle school as far as bullying being unchecked by staff and administration and suicide, you’ll want to keep an eye and ear out for what’s going on in their lives away from home.
Breach the question of what’s going on if something is wrong with them. Let your child know that sometimes you’re busy but never too busy to listen to them. A kid might view their own problems as insignificant compared to what you deal with and not bring it up or want to bother you.
This is part of building a rapport with them and letting them know they can come to you, that you’re interested in what’s happening with them at that level.
Give Kids Some Responsibility
Now, I’m not saying put them in charge of cooking dinner or paying bills. Some simple tasks such as getting their siblings or their own clothes ready for school the next day, helping their siblings with their homework and checking it, or watching them while you try to get something done are some minor tasks for them to tackle.
Pay attention to how they deal with these tasks. Teach them how to do better or congratulate them when they do well or exceed your expectations. You don’t want these to become chores—even though that’s technically what they are—so rotate a few of them out each week. The faster kids take on responsibilities—no matter how minor—the faster they will take to larger responsibilities.
Even if the responsibility isn’t that major, blowing it up to be bigger than it actually is can mean a lot. Having the trust of the person who takes care of them goes towards a strong bond between you. It’s like giving them a piece of the power you wield.
Attend Their School Programs
I’m not going to lie to you, these school programs are usually boring. They go on for far too long, they fall on days or at times when you either have work or—if you work at night—you’re resting up work. Now, you’d think the school would set these programs up to be fast and punchy as possible but no, they’re crawls.
Whether it’s the kids singing a song, finishing and you going “Oh, there’s more” when they go into the next song or an awards program that runs one or two hours too long when spring starts to get warm, these programs can be too much.
That said, make them if you can. With sunrisemontessori.ca, they highly value parents being involved in their children’s learning. Kids will bounce up to you with that colored piece of paper for the Christmas Play or some President’s Day Presentation where you know the acting isn’t going to make public access television but make those some of those programs.
You don’t have to make all of them. Hell, you can tell your kid you’ll make one but you might not be able to hit them all. Another approach is to tell them that you’ll make a certain number of programs and they need to be selective of which ones to attend. That’s a lot of decision making about scheduling to put on a kid.
Extra responsibility points if you let them know to tell you in advance. No one should be coming through the door on Wednesday or Thursday for a Friday program. That kid dropped the ball.
If you can’t make the programs throughout the year, try to make the awards program. That’s the big one. Actually, they’re big deals in elementary and middle school whereas in high school it’s more of another day with graduation being the big deal.
Show Interest In Their Interests
This is part two to Learning Their Hobbies. There’s nothing deep to this one and it’s really simple. If you did your note taking or homework on their hobbies, all you have to do is bring it up in conversation. That’s it: hold a conversation about their hobbies, favorite music, favorite shows, and so on with them.
If there’s a game they like playing, watch them play it for a couple of minutes or play it with them. Most games today can be played via online multiplayer. Try out the music they like listening to, sit and watch some of the show they’re watching. If you did your homework, you will at least know the characters—ask them a few questions about it and watch a few episodes.
While it’s not particular deep or simple, it can be hard to do if their hobbies and interests just don’t do anything for you, but by doing so it’s a big deal for both of you.
Staff Writer; M. Swift
This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.