(ThyBlackMan.com) Recently, I had the chance to sit down and watch one of those old ‘40s comedic mysteries. The hero and his girlfriend were about to be married, and went to get their marriage license at City Hall. Above the Clerk’s window was a sign that carried the costs of the three licenses the city issued. First, there was a hunting license–which cost the most; second was a dog license–which cost second most, and last was a marriage license, which was the cheapest of the three. Funny thing was, while the marriage license was the cheapest to purchase, it required the most work to maintain, and came with the least amount of instruction to make it successful over the long haul.
Make no mistake about it. Marriages require W-O-R-K. It’s the only job that once you ‘clock off’ your 9 to 5 (or how every many hours you spend on your outside job), you ‘clock in’ at the job of REAL and LASTING importance…your marriage. At the risk of angering some, and offending others, the truth comes down the strike zone; ANY man or woman thinking about doing marriage God’s way, can NOT enter it lightly.
IF you plan on getting married in His house, you play by His rules.
As I have mentioned during our written travels together, no coach ‘makes it’ on their own. There comes a time when a coach has to turn to the sages of other professions for wisdom, advice and counsel. Some of these sages may be found in the KJV Bible, or the Scriptures. Some of these sages may be contained in books of a bygone era. Still others may be found in the lives of older men and women who have survived the game of life with style!
Every coach, upon occasion, needs coaching. Marriage between a man and a woman–contrary to what you may see on TV or social media–is nothing to fool with IF you haven’t received the proper instruction for the job.
Let’s have a show of hands in the house. How many have had a lousy relationship or marriage? How many have lived through a divorce? How many have fought the ‘divorce and child support wars’ at the courthouse?
Well, if you are like the ‘ol coach…you have been there. A lot of us have.
Let’s start at the top. A divorce; a breakup is seldom cordial. I’ve been there. The truth? Like the old preachers used to say, you are either coming INTO a storm, IN a storm, or are coming OUT of a storm. IF your storm hasn’t arrived yet…just keep on living! There is NO fun when that gavel comes down and a marriage has been severed by judicial decree, no matter what the modern songs may sing, and the commercials may show. Failure ain’t a time for celebration, anger, or revenge. Failures ARE a part of life.
Divorces fall into the failure category in a lot of ways. The dark clouds of depression and despair are in full circle around your head. Your children–if you have been blessed to have some–have either been turned into FedEx packages (shipped between one household or another), or have grown up and ‘opted out’ of a solid relationship with either parent, because they fear that to see–or even acknowledge one–will offend the other.
Then, there is the clincher. Men AND women are hooked into the child support wars, where you don’t always get the goods for which you pay, pay and pay. Been there, done that, and got the payment books to prove it. Another service cheerfully provided by your local, state, and federal governments. And folks want to trust these elected officials with their health care? Lord, put it back, the way it WAS!
Don’t shout me down when I’m on a roll with butter and jelly, amen?
However, there IS good news. Let me encourage you, the sun CAN and DOES shine again! You CAN survive and thrive AFTER a divorce. In the game of life, second chances have a habit of surfacing. However, they often surface without fair warning. One has to have the spiritual and common sense to recognize those chances, it takes solid coaching to take advantage of them. I don’t know whom I’m writing this column for, but I know that someone will get a blessing from it.
It doesn’t matter who is at fault when a marriage or relationship is reduced to a pile of ashes. There are no ‘winners’ or ‘losers’–even though the mainstream media would like to paint it otherwise. There are hurt feelings, court fees, and a lot of time to wonder what could have been done differently, months down a road. IF you want victory in a NEW marriage, you have to start with a NEW game plan; pre-marital counseling. And, it starts AT the church house with a strong Pastor and his wife.
I’ll forever be grateful to Pastor Frank Alexander and his lovely wife Shirley Alexander. They were marriage coaches to the highest, and their playbook was the Bible. The end result? THIS time around, my bride and I are closing in on 30 years of marital bliss. All because God gave both of us a solid relationship in Him AND the wisdom to seek out pre-marital counseling well before the rings and vows were exchanged at the altar in a new marriage, the second time around.
Even coaches…need coaching. Seek out the best, to be your best!
Staff Writer; Mike Ramey
This brother is also a Minister, Modern Street Gangs Specialist, Nationally-Known Political Consultant and Syndicated Columnist who lives in Indianapolis, Indiana. “Ramey‘s Guide To Elective Office For Men”, is one of a variety of columns that Ramey has in cyberspace. His address is still the same: manhoodline@yahoo.com.