(ThyBlackMan.com) It is commonplace that many students find it difficult to make the transition from the familiar setting of their family home to the unknown territory of the college campus. It’s a huge adaption which should not be underestimated in terms of the challenges that it presents to your kids. The nature of these challenges are not just small-scale problems like being able to cook and clean for yourself, or committing to class schedules maturely. The biggest hurdle exists in the overall psychological experience of the change; many quickly become overwhelmed and begin to struggle. This is highly unfortunate as there are ample opportunities for great achievements and memories to be forged at this important time in their life.
The reality is that making a success of college life isn’t just about being a hardworking student who gets good grades. There is no guarantee that you can ensure that your child will prosper in a college environment, yet having said this, there are definitely things you can do to give them every fighting chance and help them to gain the attributes that they will most certainly need. One thing you might want to consider is coaching them in the art of resilience.
Skills to solve problems
Let’s take a moment to consider what real resilience actually is and more importantly, the benefits of possessing this trait. When our lives hurl adversity at us sometimes we just can’t seem to catch a break; you won’t be alone if you’ve ever felt like the world just seemed to be out
to get you. When negativity befalls us, be it small-scale problems or more long-term traumas, how is it that we can rise, solve- and cope? Have you ever noticed that some people appear to recover more quickly from problems, losses or tragedies than their peers do?
When those in the field of psychology have looked for answers to such questions, they have called upon the definition of resilience to offer us explanations. Resilience is about the ability to recover quickly from difficulties. This ability to bounce-back is something that we all possess, yet it’s merely that some hold higher levels of resilience than others. Having said this, just because someone has high levels of resilience it does not mean they are not experiencing the full effects and gravity of the negative event, it just means that they have found workable coping mechanisms.
On the other side of the coin, just because one has low levels of resilience it does not mean that these individuals can’t increase their skills there, it’s something that can be learnt and perfected. Resilience is beneficial to build up, as it is something that we all need in our lives to deal with drawbacks whether it’s in our personal lives, our work lives or our family lives. In the world of health and psychology, resilience has been associated with things like greater life satisfaction, lower rates of depression and higher rates of longevity.
Teaching your child resilience may require parenting approaches that do not suit your preferred methods. You should not adopt approaches that you are uncomfortable with or that do not suit you; it’s all about what works for you as a family, and no one thing will work for everyone. Regardless, here are a few pointers you can consider if you want to help your child to face tough situations and cope with adversity. These tips may just help them to face the challenges later experienced when they enter the college world.
Anxiety reduction
When we face problems or setbacks, it’s normal to experience some sense of anxiety, yet some kids, unfortunately, fall into patterns of all-too-frequent stress that becomes overwhelming and that they do not know how to tackle. You can teach your kids breathing techniques that are known to reduce feelings of anxiousness. When you are feeling anxious, negative thoughts can plant themselves in your mind and create distortions (in terms of the severity of the situation). Ensure that your kids know this and can take a step back from small-scale and solvable problems and see the bigger picture. You can teach them values that help them to be grateful for all the positive things in their lives. It’s helpful to give your kids ideas about what they can do to deal with times of stress or high emotions. Perhaps in these times of anxiety, they could turn to exercise or a hobby to get some endorphins pumping, distract their minds and relax.They could have a phone call with a friend and talk it out or write down how they are feeling and brainstorm solutions to resolve the problem. If your kids can express their emotions healthy at moments of pressure, then they are less likely to turn to vices of escapism to solve their issues. If your kids can learn to reduce anxiety over small issues, they are better equipped to face the more significant challenges should they arrive.
Independence
This is a tough one because while you will want to help your kids to succeed, it’s problematic if they do not have enough independence, and this can be academically and socially both. Let’s firstly take a look at the issue of academic independence. You’ll want to help your kids with their homework because you care about them and want them to do well, yet giving them too much help can be counterproductive for their academic independence. No one enjoys the experience of failure, or not getting as good grades on a test or a project as they wanted to achieve, yet a little failure here and there can be a healthy experience to build up a strong character in the face of obstacles. Trial and error can allow kids to master perseverance when the going gets rough.
You should aim to teach your kids that setbacks are part and parcel of life and that they can resist the urge to fall apart at the first sign of trouble. Of course, this is easier said than done, but it is entirely possible. For example, if your kid is a grade A student who faces their first B or C (because college is tougher), they need to know that this kind of outcome to a challenge is okay. You can attempt to guide them to a state of mind in which drawbacks do not cause damage to their self-esteem.
The same can be said of independence in a broader sense, not just academically. Your kids are going to need to think about staying safe on campus in terms of being vigilant about their personal safety and personal belongings away from the comfort of the home. Ensuring that they are capable of fending for themselves can only arise from allowing them a certain degree of social independence to learn about the, sometimes harsh, world in society beyond the family space. If you work at making sure your kids are independent now and give them advice on protecting themselves you will be doing them a world of good to ensure that they are prepared for campus life.
Set Goals
It’s useful to help your kid to set some goals about what they wish to get out of college. These goals can involve academic ambitions and study schedules to ensure that they are studying enough but not too much to cause them to burn out and feel stressed. You can also help them to set goals about staying healthy, both physically in terms of getting enough exercise and mentally in terms of dealing with difficult times. You can also help them to set goals about ways to make new friends and to boost their self-confidence in a new setting. Confidence is vital for kids at this stage in their life because peer pressure is everywhere, they need to have the self-esteem to stand their ground and stick by their own values (and not be afraid to do so). There is much social pressure to fit in with the crowd and impress their friends, so helping your kids to realise the idea that they are their own person and in control of their own choices is invaluable.
Prepare yourself
Kids going away to college is not just a significant change for them but a significant change for you as parents too. At first, it might feel a bit daunting to not be living in as close proximity as you were before. You won’t be so actively involved in their day-to-day lives and this might feel a little strange initially. While you’ll want to steer your kids on the right path as much as possible, your kids are transitioning into young adulthood and thus as adults- their decisions become their own. Once your kids go away to college, it’s about trusting yourself that you’ve brought them up well and therefore that they are going to manage (and learn to manage). It’s about looking to a future whereby you’ll be proud of their college achievements and the person that they have become.
Staff Writer; Tim Ford