(ThyBlackMan.com) (Sorry, Fellas. I Had to Spill the Beans In the Interest of the Community)
I want to preface this article by assuring everyone that I’m no prude, nor am I some kind of Bible-thumper trying to force my religious agenda down anyone’s throat. In addition, I don’t think there’s anyone on the planet who enjoys sex more than I do. I’m merely giving my honest opinion of what I think is contributing to the break-down of the family unit, and it all boils down to one thing – sex.
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Women talk to me all the time about how useless and irresponsible many men have become, which I pretty much agree with. But what women don’t seem to understand is the pivotal role that they’re playing in bringing about their own frustration.
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Women have made casual sex far too readily available in our society, and that has resulted in two things that place them at a decided disadvantage. First, women have allowed sex to become so easy to obtain that men no longer have to become real men to get it. As a result, there’s no incentive for men to become responsible adults and father figures. That’s why you see forty year-old men still living with their momas and hanging out on the block wearing sideway-tilting baseball caps. That image doesn’t lend itself to being a father figure or a good role model, but unlike in the past, they don’t have to be, because if they can come up with a couple of joints and a pint of gin they can get all the sex they can handle regardless to how dysfunctional they seem to be as men.
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Things were different in the past. As a rule, in order for our grandfathers to obtain sex during their generation, they had to prove their manhood, jump through a series of hoops, and wine and dine our grandmothers for months and even years – and in many cases, they even had to marry them first. But now all a young boy
has to do is walk into a club with enough pocket change to buy a drink or two. That gives him no incentive whatsoever to become a responsible adult, and all the incentive in the world to continue hangin’ out in the clubs instead of focusing on what’s going on around him and becoming a man.
Women used to know how to handle their business. Even with my late wife, Val, while she wasn’t as stingy and strict as some of the ladies from the old school, when we were going together, even while secretly keeping in regular touch with my mother, she stopped speaking to me for an entire year until I caved in and adopted the kind of lifestyle that she approved of – and, thank God, she kept me jumping through one hoop are another until the night she died. If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been capable of writing this article. So in a very real sense, this article represents a letter to sisters from Val’s grave. If she were here she’d say, “Girl, what you have beneath your dress is the only leverage you have with these turkeys, so use it wisely” – and anyone who reads this article who knew Val will tell you, I’m not lyin’.
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The second way that the sexual mores of our society is hurting women is, even among the men who are responsible – and who are looking forward to heading families – they’re finding it increasingly difficult to find the kind of woman who they feel comfortable about starting a family with.
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The problem is, women don’t understand men, and the reverse is also true. That’s why most men and women can only relate to one another on a sexual level. Men think that women are impressed by what THEY think is “cool,” and women think that men are impressed by what a woman finds impressive in a man – swagger, confidence, and assertiveness. But both are wrong. In many cases, what men consider “cool,” women consider silly and simply put up with. And most men don’t consider swagger and assertiveness attractive in a woman at all. Those qualities boils down to aggressiveness, and that’s a male characteristic, so why would a man find a woman who acts like a man attractive? Do women find men who act like women attractive? Not really. So the very same thing is true in the reverse. Men and women have different needs. So many times, when men and women try to impress one another they either turn each other off, or make fools of themselves.
Let me give you an example. Many women think they can get a man by acting sensuous, sexually provocative, and assertive. In a sense, that’s true. A woman, any woman, can get a man that way, but only as a sex partner, not as her man. Because men classify women in three different categories. The first category is hoe, or someone to use instead of having to masturbate. The second category is sex partner and road dawg. Men like the women in this category as friends, someone to party with, and to have as a sex partner. Unlike the women in category one, men actually like and respect the women in category two women, but not enough to marry – that is, unless they fall in love by accident. Men generally choose a woman who is sexually stingy as a wife. The reason for that is quite simple, so he won’t have to worry about her cheating once they become a couple.
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Men will die to protect their manhood. Nothing is more important to us, and there’s no greater assault on a man’s manhood than a cheating woman, because it sends a message that says two things – first, that he wasn’t man enough to keep her in line, and secondly, that the man she’s cheating with is more of a man than he is. So women should understand that if they ever get caught cheating, that’s it. The man may not leave you immediately, but from that point on, he’s just waiting for the right “lady” to come along so he can replace you.
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Men are not like many women, who’ll forgive and move on with the simple assurance that it will never happen again, because you’ve assaulted his manhood, and that’s an unforgiveable offense. You’ve fallen off the pedestal that a man requires his woman to stand upon, so he’ll never look at you in the same way again. So generally speaking, the women that men like to party and have fun with, are not the women that they choose for a wife, because even though he may like them, they’re perceived as being much too casual in their sexuality.
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When a man decides to marry – unless he falls in love with a category two woman by accident as a result of having repeated sex with her – he chooses a wife from the third category. These women are generally very protective of their sexuality, low-key, and feminine. Men not only feel that these women are more apt to be loyal, but there’s also a psychological component to it. Category three women are harder to get, and it’s human nature to want most what’s hardest to obtain. That’s why a Bentley is more valuable than a Ford. While they both cars will get you where you want to go, a Bentley is more prestigious because it’s harder to obtain. The same is true of a woman. A man wants a woman that other men can’t get, and once he gets such a woman, he not only gets uncorrupted sex, but also, a boost to his ego in knowing that he’s lying next to a women that other men can’t have. He also knows that if she didn’t think he was special, she wouldn’t be lying next to him. That’s a huge boost to his sense of manhood, and 99% of a man’s sexual pleasure is mental. Thus, a man is not as interested in having a sex expert for a woman as he is having a woman who is loyal.
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On the other hand, many women do want a sex expert – or, at least, a man who has sense enough to consider her needs – because far too often in casual sexual encounters, women end up with men who are just interested in satisfying themselves, and then leave the woman hanging and sexually frustrated when they’re done. So a woman wants a man that she knows has the sexual expertise to provide for her sexual needs. But a man doesn’t have to worry about that, because all he needs to obtain satisfaction is a warm, wet, vagina – any warm, wet, vagina.
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Thus, all a female sex expert means to a man is hoe. Because the assumption is, in order to obtain her sexual expertise, she had to have made herself available to a lot of men. Therefore, she doesn’t see him as special; he just happened to be in the right place at the right time – and if it wasn’t him, it would be someone else. Now don’t get me wrong, he’ll PRETEND that the “expert” is rockin’ his world, and doing something for him that can’t be done by any woman with a warm and wet vagina, but that’s just to stroke the woman’s ego so he can have sex with her whenever he feels the urge.
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So personally, I’d rather be with a woman who’s simply capable of enjoying the lust of the sexual experience than I would somebody who’s trying all kinds of techniques on me, any day. Because the “expert’s” head is not in the right place. I want a woman focused on how good SHE’S feeling, and fixated on that tingling sensations that’s building up within her loins, not on how to contract her muscles to impress me with how good she is in bed. After all, a man’s biggest challenge is NOT to climax too soon, so why would he want somebody who’s gonna defeat that purpose? That’s also why men indulge in oral sex, because there is nothing sexier to us than a woman who’s out of her mind with lust and sexual passion. So if there’s any expert in the bed, I want to be the one.
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So when a woman starts talking sex to a man, or try to be overly sexy, she’s not doing herself a favor. All she’s doing is ringing the dinner bell that brings out the predator in a man, but he automatically starts thinking in terms of fun and games with a woman of either category one or two. So just because a woman can get a man’s attention in that way – and any woman can – she shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that she’s going to hold his attention. He’s just gorging himself on hamburger until he can find him a steak – a category three woman; wife material, a woman who’s not gonna even consider the possibly of sex until he jumps through a lot of hoops to get there. She’s the prize that most men are after.
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Now, I want to emphasize that I’m not advocating any position on this issue. If you’ll notice, the title of this article is a question, not an assertion. My intent is to simply give women insight into how the vast majority of men think. How do I know how most men think? Because from the time we’re little boys we spent an inordinate amount of time discussing women and girls. So whether or not what I’m saying is perceived as sexist is not my concern. I’m simply relating the truth – a truth that is common knowledge among most men.
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While many women may consider what I’ve said here old fashion, men have assessed women in the same way since the beginning of time and across cultural boundaries, and it’s very unlikely to change anytime soon. But the problem with truth, and the primary reason that so many people object to it is, it doesn’t always conform to either ideology or fashion. It simply is what it is. So efficient thought requires that we ALWAYS give truth priority over ideology. But much too often we try to give ideology priority over truth. Then when truth comes into conflict with our ideology, we try to contort the truth to fit more comfortably into what we want to believe. and unfortunately, that’s what many women do when it comes to the subject of sex.
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As a result of that tendency, modern women are living under the mass delusion that because their attitudes have changed, the attitudes of men have changed along with them, but they are horribly mistaken. You see, men simply pretend to have changed because it’s to our advantage. The modern female mind-set makes casual sex much more available, and we love it – I certainly do, because I’m just as predatory regarding sex as any other man. But that doesn’t mean that I’m so accommodating to that new mind-set that I want to marry the women that I’m having sex with – and I’m very comfortable in saying that MOST men feel the same way – and that’s a major contributor to the dysfunction of the modern family structure, which is the point of my article.
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I want to emphasize that I’m not suggesting that women should remain celibate until marriage, but I’m sure many women are going to read that into it. I’m simply saying that men prefer women who are “protective” of their sexuality, and women need to understand that, regardless to what a man may say. Women need to keep in mind that a man will say anything, and take any position, that allows sex to be readily available. But if you want to see a man’s true attitude toward female sexuality, all you have to do is even suggest that his mother or daughter is less than protective of their sexuality. You’ll end up with an extremely hostile individual on your hands. Thus, a man’s attitude toward sex is very complex – while we love it being easily available, we don’t want the women in our lives involved in contributing to the ease of availability.
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So the bottom line is, the new female mind-set towards sex not only creates a disincentive for men to step up to the plate to become responsible husbands and fathers, but once they are husbands and fathers, the attitude of many women outside of the marriage creates constant pressure for men to cheat. Thus, the attitude of the modern women regarding casual sex often serves to create the very Hell that many women often complain about.
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Think about it. What incentive does a man have to limit his sex life and take on the responsibility of settling down with one woman when he can have all the sex that he can handle – with multiple women – and without having to take on any responsibility at all? Not much. And what cultural incentive does a married man have to remain faithful? Again, not much. So I’m not advocating that women reverse their newfound sexual freedom, but rather, to consider carefully how that freedom is used, because every male you come into contact with certainly is. So while I’m not advocating any position, I am suggesting that women learn the rules of the game and not allow themselves to be played, because having that knowledge gives women options on how they want to play the game.
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In that regard, what’s important for every woman to remember is, while many women’s attitude toward sex has changed tremendously over the years, men are still very old fashion when it comes to their woman – they have to be, because the way a man’s woman carries herself is reflective of his manhood – and that’s very important to a man. While I know this may sound kinda old-school to contemporary women, with all of the sexual opportunities out there for your man, how you carry yourself may be the determining factor on whether or not your man is willing to make that extra effort to be the kind of man you want him to be. And women should also remember this – as old fashion as your grandmother was, she didn’t have any problem hanging on to her man.
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Love, Pain, Passion, and Lust
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HER PAIN:
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She walks alone, sweet woman-child,
her sobs flow warm against the dark;
Her need is love, not merely passion,
a mighty fortress, her broken heart.
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Quivering bodies and breathless moans,
she remembers with great delight,
but the heat of love is the only flame,
her lusting soul craves late at night.
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Hungry arms yearn for her shuddering body,
to embrace her tenderly with all their might;
Shivering lips lust for her succulent passion,
as she cries out desperately into the night.
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But only true love can quench the thirst
that burns red hot, and deep inside,
so she faces the pain, again and again,
and late at night she cries.
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Masculine shadows of delusion and lust
caress their egos more than her pain,
for her convulsing body quivers not for them,
but for her fantasy
of a warm and gentle man.
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So, with head held high, by light of day,
but, mournful eyes, that do betray,
unspent love, and a breaking heart,
and the fear of sobs, when day turns dark.
HIS PASSION:
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She’s dark, she’s passionate, and she’s lovely,
but she doesn’t know herself:
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She doesn’t know
the extent her smiling eyes
devastate this love-sick heart;
The way they dance in the moonlight,
subtly beckon,
and betray the depth
of her sultry passion.
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She doesn’t know
the ecstasy of pleading moans
on a humid, Summer night, or
the maddening pleasure of glistening bodies
entwined in erotic flight.
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And
She doesn’t know
the hot breath of passion,
as it whispers between her thighs;
The gentle kiss, the sting of bliss,
the pain of pleasure
that burns inside.
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She doesn’t know
the agony of lust
while suspended in endless time,
as she yearns for sweet release,
while desperately clinging to
the sweet sublime.
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And
She doesn’t know
of frantic begging
for that of which she’s run,
of the animal that leaps inside of her,
as flowing chills
begin to come.
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She doesn’t know
the embrace of madness
as her trembling loins
begin to spill . . .
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She
doesn’t know of love,
but on this night,
her pleading eyes,
say she will.
Staff Writer; Eric L. Wattree
