(ThyBlackMan.com) Molestation is a term we are comfortable discussing in the area of child abuse. Though we often misunderstand how children who suffer from sexual abuse grow to continue the familiar behavior of their perpetrator. I call this continuing-the-abuse (CTA). It can be further defined as the subconscious practice of maintaining the contaminated realities of your abuse by offering and or accepting the same abusive behavior.
CTA is a wildly popular coping mechanism in the black community because many of us are overlooking the relationship betwixt the condition of our mental health and our experiences. Instead of seeking retreat, counseling, and support groups, we indulge in promiscuity, bragging, and a series of dysfunctional relationships that often lead to the premature conception of children, broken/blended families and communities.
The late Dr. Frances Cress Welsing, a black scholar/psychiatrist, offered a solution when she stated: because of this waged war on our community, black men and women should start families betwixt the ages of 30-35. She maintained this premise in the context of racism/white supremacy. I am reinforcing her solution in the context of child abuse/adult molestation; because the exploitation of black marriage, sexuality, and family, in order to breed more laborers to increase the economic profitability of slave-owners during slavery, still wars against us in the area of sexuality and mental health.
Sexuality is natural. The expression of sexuality is learned behavior. If you do not believe in the passing-on of the sins of the father, which include sexual immorality, you might understand how the inhumane practices forced on our enslaved ancestors are the continued patterns of sexual abuse lurking in our communities today.
Historically, we can trace this war against our bodies to the antebellum south. Even after submission, there can be no war without retaliation. Retaliation is defense. In this article we are looking at how we defend ourselves against child abuse and adult molestation by owning the abuse when we are practicing the following CTA behaviors:
- PROMISCUITY: After premature sexual arousal we develop a mature (physical) appetite for sex at an immature (mental) age. This often leads to an early discovery of masturbation, child’s-play with the opposite/same sex (depending on the gender of the perpetrator), and pornography. All of which becomes the miseducation of sexuality we carry into adulthood and adult sexual-relations. Notice how your sexual expectations can be traced back to your initial exposure to sex. Think, but do not stay there.
- BRAGGING: Often found in men who, after being sexually abused, are taught that losing their virginity is a right of passage into manhood and so they are subconsciously convinced to normalize their abuse and even brag about the experience to gain the respect of their peers. After losing control of their sexuality, both women and men resort to bragging in order to counter the waged war against their bodies and feel in control of their sexual choices.
- DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS: Romantic relationships often fail or become dysfunctional when our partner is not able to meet the inhumane sexual expectations we went on to develop after the abuse.
The three CTA behaviors are ways in which we own molestation. After sexual abuse we begin to react. Our reaction to the abuse become the pattern of behavior that make-up our sexual character. We do not deny character. We become character; and we own who we become when we maintain the behaviors inherent to our character.
If you or a partner is struggling with any of the three CTA behaviors go get the help you need. Do not continue the abuse.
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Staff Writer; Tylie Shider
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