(ThyBlackMan.com) Marriage is a beautiful thing – when entered into correctly. Having someone that you can share the rest of your life with is a feeling and experience like no other. Be that as it may, marriage is not something you want to jump into just because you have a “tingly” feeling inside. It requires a man to invest himself completely to the relationship. He must be in a position to not only love his wife but also to protect her and be there for her in every way possible.
Many men jump the gun without taking the time to assess themselves. The truth is, before you can give yourself freely to someone, you must first love yourself and know who you are as an individual. That’s why so many marriages end in divorce.
Many don’t take the time to invest in themselves so that they can put their best foot forward in the relationship. Consequently, the marriage fails before it even really begins. So before you decide to go out and get a fancy black colored diamond ring, here are some things you need to get in order first:
- Build Your Faith
It is imperative for you to have a strong spiritual foundation before entering into a relationship. Religion not only gives you a solid foundation from which to draw life guidance from, but it is also your first “guide” on how to love, provide, and protect your spouse.
- Have a Career
You want to enter a marriage with the ability to provide for your spouse financially. Though you will essentially work as partners to take care of financial matters in your relationship, finances can be one of the biggest issues in your relationship if you don’t prepare now. Before getting down on bended knee, make sure that you have an established source of income.
- Love Yourself
Self-love may not be a topic that is discussed often among men but it is important to your relationship. You cannot begin to love a woman if you don’t know how to love yourself.
- Establish Hobbies
Though you and your future spouse will act as one, you are essentially two different people. Having your own hobbies, interests, and escapes are important to your individuality and the marriage as a whole. Get out there and explore and find things that you’re passionate about.
- Have a 5-Year Plan
Where do you see yourself five years from now? If you can’t answer this question, you’re probably not ready to have a wife. As the leader of the relationship, your partner will look to you for guidance. However, if it’s a case of the blind is leading the blind you’ll end up running into something. Start thinking about what you’d like to accomplish over the next few years so that you can ensure it aligns with the goals you set forth as a couple.
- Get the Partying Out of Your System
Fellas, there is no need to lead a woman on. If you’re not through “playing the field” then don’t commit to marriage. Take trips, go to bars, hang out with friends, date, or whatever it is you have to do to get that “lifestyle” out of your system. When you decide to propose to that special someone, you should be ready to give yourself wholeheartedly to them.
- Get Your Finances in Order
Bad credit? No savings? These are not good attributes to bring into a relationship. Before popping the question it is recommended that you fix these areas of your life. Poor credit can make it challenging (and more expensive) to obtain things like a house or a car while having zero savings can make it hard for you to afford large ticket items.
Getting married is certainly not for the faint of heart. While every marriage has its ups and downs, prematurely jumping into a serious commitment can make it that much harder. If you have not accomplished the above seven things in your life, now is the time. In doing so, you give your relationship the best chance to last a lifetime.
Staff Writer; George Jackson
I’ve never been married but I know finding a good decent black woman is like finding a mythical Unicorn. Bottom line is that the black community is in bad shape.
As a family, marriage and relationship counselor, I can say too many people are telling the man what he should do or be and not enough people are telling him what he should look for in a woman. He should not settle any more than she should. In fact, good men are scarce and thus more of a treasure when found than good women are.
TO THE AUTHOR:
You really should include what the man needs to know about the woman he plans to marry.
1. Baggage?
2. Length of Past Relationships
3. Was her dad in her life? Relationship with him?
4. How are her finances, debt and credit?
5. Does she have kids?
6. Does she recognize the man as head of household?
7. How does she resolve problems?
8. Who ended most of her past relationships?
9. Where is she spiritually?
10. Does she have trust issues?
11. What is her idea of marriage?