(ThyBlackMan.com) The relationship game is a difficult one to play and becomes even more difficult when you consider what happens when you lock yourself into situations that are not good for you. You can find yourself hating your life and wishing that God had created a time machine that allows you to rewind the clock and go back to pick someone who doesn’t destroy your life.
If you are looking for the kind of mate who will embarrass you and make you wish you were dead, here are a few things that you can do. These are some choices I’ve seen made that led to tremendous regret in the long-run:
1. Marry a person just because they are attractive: Looks are deceptive. Men are wired to think that beautiful women are naturally better people, kinder, smarter and better to be with. Women can also swooned when a good-looking man walks through the door. The “love at first sight” idea might be true in some cases, but some people think it’s a myth. You probably
don’t want to look at someone one time and then decide you want to be with them for the rest of your life. Would you do that with a house or car? How crazy would it be to purchase a car on first sight without taking it for a test drive and looking under the hood? You’d probably end up making yourself look silly.
2. Marry someone because the sex is good: Sex is a wonderful thing. It’s also natural, beautiful and fulfilling under the right circumstances. But to marry someone because the sex is good means that you’re ignoring the other 23 (or 22, or 21) hours per day when you’re NOT in the bedroom together. At first, you can sex-away all of your relationship problems, but eventually, you start to feel like a drug addict seeking to get high every time he’s under stress.
3. Marry someone because one of you is pregnant: First of allm you should probably not take a chance on getting someone pregnant if you can’t see that person as a parent to your child. I tell my daughters that if a man doesn’t look like he’d be a good father to your child, you shouldn’t even give him your number. But we live in an imperfect world, where we all make impulsive and ridiculous decisions that we can regret later on. So, one great way to compound a mistake is to marry a person who is bad for you, somehow thinking that being married is going to make the child rearing process any better. If the person is not a good partner, that probably isn’t going to change just because you have a child together.
4. Pick a man because he is a bad boy: Women love the bad boys, but bad boys can also be dope boys, abusers, irresponsible or hurtful people. They got the bad boy reputation for breaking rules and causing chaos, which means that he may end up causing the same chaos in your relationship. Another little secret is that a lot of bad boys get their reputations by sleeping with a lot of women. The bad boy isn’t going to stop being bad just because he’s married to you.
5. Choose a man for his swag: The last time I checked, swag doesn’t pay bills, and when you are trying to survive with another person on a day-to-day basis, his swag isn’t going to make you forget that he is unemployed, mean and cheats on you. The best kind of swag in a man is the swag that makes him provide for those he loves, keep his commitments and mentor his children. Meaningful swag is determined by the core of a man’s character, not the way he looks in Stacy Adams shoes.
6. Pick a man because of how much money he has: Money can make you choose a mate, but it can also lead to a lot of unhappiness. If you are immediately interested in being with someone just because they have a large bank account, you’re missing all the other ways that person should be adding value to your life. You also might be overlooking other serious and potentially devastating problems the person might be bringing to you, such as STDs from excessive male entitlement (some rich/famous guys think they should have all the women), or generally bad relationship habits. It’s OK to want a man with money, but if money is all he’s got, then you might be signing up for a painful situation.
Staff Writer; Dr. Boyce Watkins
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition. For more information, please visit http://BoyceWatkins.com.
