(ThyBlackMan.com) The murder-suicide involving Jovan Belcher of the Kansas City Chiefs was, without question, a tragedy among tragedies. I feel terrible for this family and as a father myself, I wish that Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend, Kassandra Perkins, had sought the help they needed to survive such a terrible sequence of events. Kassandra Perkins is hardly to blame for any of this, but as a victim of domestic violence, I wonder if she ignored signs that her boyfriend might commit such a heinous act.
Sometimes, our most valuable lessons come from our most costly experiences, and here are a few things I think we can all learn from this unfortunate incident:
1) No matter how bad it gets, life is never over: When I was 22 years old and going through some difficulties, a 42-year old man said to me, “You have to be as old as I am to understand how young you are. Just keep going, it’s going to be ok.” As I approach my own 42nd birthday, I reflect on that man’s words and now have the perspective to fully understand what he was talking 
about. Most serious problems are temporary. If they’re permanent, the human mind has an extraordinary capacity to adjust to new circumstances. No matter how difficult life gets, you should always keep moving forward.
2) If you or someone you know is considering suicide, talk to someone immediately: If you have a friend that appears suicidal, you should speak up. If you have a friend in an abusive relationship, you should speak up. If you have been convinced that your own life isn’t worth living, you should speak up. I hope you get my point….speak up.
3) Be extremely careful with drugs or alcohol: It is reported that alcohol may have played a role in escalating the argument between Jovan Belcher and Kassandra Perkins on that fateful night. Alcohol and drugs always made me nervous because I would hate to do something while under the influence and end up paying the price for the rest of my life. Prisons are full of people who made one bad decision on one night that they never would have made had they not been drinking. It’s OK to avoid alcohol completely, since that gives you one less thing to worry about.
4) Your children are more important than you are: I wish Jovan Belcher had thought about his daughter before killing the child’s mother and himself. But then again, he wasn’t thinking clearly. If he had been, the thought of his daughter living the rest of her days without either of her parents might have stopped him from doing the things he did that day. Our kids have to be the lead consideration in most of our decisions, especially if they are young.
5) If you’re having relationship problems, seek counseling: I’m not sure if Jovan Belcher and Kassandra Perkins’s fates would have changed with additional counseling, but it might have helped. You shouldn’t try to solve problems on your own if you’ve never experienced them before. There are thousands of books written by older people who understand how relationships work and how to make them successful. If you find yourself in a bad relationship, either fix it or get out.
