(ThyBlackMan.com) I was thinking to myself the other day – I have NEVER been hit on at church. Real, genuine churchgoing men are like unicorns, so why when I take my seat in the pews seeing all manner of men before me like I’ve just landed at the other end of the rainbow, I always leave empty-handed – no pot of gold, no man? A goon will hit on you anywhere, but the good guys at church don’t approach. Why is that?
Gentlemen, listen up! The church holla is TOO easy. Here are a few reasons why:
*You get to hold her hand EVERY time they pray, and there’s often a lot of touching and talking going on (especially if you attend a Black church), e.g. touch 2 people and say___, hug your neighbor and say___, point at your neighbor and tell them ___, pull on your neighbor’s arm, and the like.
*We’re emotional at church (if we’re truly “saved”). It’s like in the movies,
*Churches encourage social interaction. It is one of the few places where a total stranger can walk up to you and you won’t think he’s just trying to get in your pants. I mean, ‘what kind of heathen would be thinking about sex…at church?’
*She will automatically think you’re a good guy, so her defenses will be down. This is sort of an extension of the previous one, but emphasizes that the woman will have already assumed some things about you before you even approach her – good things.
*Sermons are great conversation starters. All you have to do is ask, “so what did you think of the sermon? Or what aspect of the sermon affected you most?”
If I had to guess, I would hypothesize that men don’t step to women at church because they feel it’s inappropriate. If this is how you feel, let me tell you, the church holla could not be MORE appropriate. God is for the church holla because he wants us to be equally yoked, duh. So, next time, you go to church, sit next to that beautiful woman you see every Sunday, and after service, ask her out. You’ll be glad you did.
Guys, have you ever tried the church holla? If so, were you successful? Is it something you would recommend to your friends? Are there any men who would never approach a woman at church? If so, why not? Ladies, have you longed for a nice God-fearing man to make a move on you at church, to your dismay? Have you been hit on at church? If so, is it rare or a common occurrence?
Staff Writer; Miriam Brown
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I know this article is old but after reading it I felt the urge to answer the question as to the reason why most men don't hit on women at church.
1. Most relationships fail in the end.
Since this is the case why take a gamble on having a relationship with someone at (your own) church. If the relationship ends you are likely not to want to see them each week. Another thing to bear in mind is no matter who ends the relationship one party is likely to "bad mouth" the other to folks in the church who want to know "what happened?".
2. There are a couple of stereotypes about women in church. The fist is they are looking for a "rooster" or a man to marry. A man who is (not) ready to settle down generally will avoid hitting on someone he believes is looking for a husband. The second is they are major "bible thumpers" meaning they aren't much "fun" to be around. Everything they talk about they feel the need to mention God. Oftentimes it is done to manipulate a person do what they want them to do. However the slick way they do it is by using the bible verses instead of making it sound as though it's coming from them. :-)
3. Last but not least some men feel that "God's house" is not the appropriate place to pick up women. When they're in church it's "time out" from all that kind of stuff.
At any rate most men who go to church would rather just get their praise on and have other places they go for "social interaction".
Interesting article.
Ms. Brown,
My opening statement clearly supports the premise of your story. The recipe for diaster wasn't the dating, it was the reasons (even written in jest) that you provided.
@Sankofa He could argue with me about the church if that was the premise of my article, but it wasn't. Maybe I will write a post related to how people view the Church, why people don't go and my thoughts on those things. But, until then he needs to go have a seat somewhere.
@observer Thank you!
@Reginald Williams - Why does dating someone at your church have to be a recipe for disaster? I would think dating someone you meet anywhere comes with risks. I guess I'm trying to understand why you would be hesitant to date someone at church. Is it the same concern that you would have dating someone you work with?
Yeah @Sankofa a lot of black women are walking Oprah Winfrey reclamation projects....men try to give them insight on what men are looking for and they still reject it...the brawd is so busy trying to win an argument, she missing the whole point as to why Men won't approach her or her kind....they're not trying to win favor with men...just win arguments....gonna argue themselves right into the arms of another female with a dildo strap on if they haven't already....
Ms. Brown I see nothing wrong with men and women who share the same faith, fellowshipping at the same house of worship to at least take the opportunity to make each other's acquaintace - that's the foundation of community and from community relationships are birthed. Why this fails to happen isn't gender specific.
However, even thought your piece was written in jest, each one of your reasons giving for a brother to holla at a sista is a sure recipe for a dating diaster (if him hollering at her materializes into them dating). Nevertheless, it still is a noble thought
LMBAO!!! Ramses man, brother, don't you know no African man can talk to a woman about her hair, her indeopendence and the church? This is a slippery slope you're sliding down brother. Likewise Deeann D. Mathews, your softer response still won't get you anywhere becasue you are still questioning these knee-grows who have no standard. Regarding your post Ramses, I have had brothers from the church, who are more concerned about my deliberate single status than i, and who insists that the best place to get some pussy was in church, becasue their was a lot of lonely women there. No consideration is giving to the fact that I am not a christian, I was told never mind, as long as I dress good and look clean the women would rush me...what the hell?
Now I am trying to run the other way, but they keep throwing this shit up iny face...do you think they know something I don't?
@Miriam----you held your own. Your responses are very practicle. Thanks for the advice.
YeahIsaidit - I don't need to do anything and I wouldn't let your absurd comments upset me. It's comical to me that you are taking everything I said out of context. Also, sorry to burst your bubble, but people walk in church with their lustful desires anyway. I don't have to tell anyone to do that, nor is that what I'm telling them to do. Church is for worshiping God, yes, but who made up a rule that you can't ask a girl out that you see at church? Why is there a stigma about it?
Club Freaky? Really? Because you date a girl at your church? Your reasoning and arguments are flawed and assume things about the article that just aren't there. I would love to continue the discussion, but without more sound arguments, I can't and I won't.