(ThyBlackMan.com) Do you know how to listen? Sometimes we think we know how to listen, but we aren’t actually hearing what our partner is trying to tell us. The number one complaint I hear from couples is that their partner does not listen to them.
Listening is one of the most important tools you can master for great communication in your relationship. It may easily be the one tool that has 
the power to dramatically turn your communication around.
Listening takes effort and does not happen automatically. Many of us mistakenly believe that we will just suddenly become great listeners. It takes a little practice but your relationship will thank you for the effort over and over.
There are many roadblocks that get in the way of our ability to listen and hear each other.
Here are three of the most damaging:
1) Assuming You Know What Your Partner Is Feeling
When you tell your partner how they feel or what they mean, you immediately shut down the conversation. Think about the way it makes you feel when your partner claims to “know just how you feel.” The truth is that no one can ever know exactly how you feel. And that is okay. Your feelings cannot be argued with. They are yours and yours alone. Saying, “I can see how you might feel that way” is much more conducive to great listening.
Starting your statements with the word “you” frequently causes a defensive reaction. Instead, try to reflect what your partner said by saying something like, “It sounds like…” or “If I understand what you’re saying…”
Then, be open to him or her letting you know if you really understood or not; some clarification may be necessary.
2) Distractions
It’s possible to look like you are listening even when you’re not. However, to truly listen, you need to do more than just put on your “listening face.” How frustrating is it to try to talk to someone who doesn’t even bother to stop what they are doing when you are trying to talk to them? It can leave you feeling like you do not matter or that you are less important than what they are doing. This is most likely how your partner feels when he or she is trying to talk to you when you are preoccupied. To truly listen, turn off your mental chatter and focus on your partner.
This means stop thinking about your to-do list. Resist the urge to check your text or email messages. Even more importantly, make eye contact and let your partner’s words sink in instead of thinking about what you will say when your partner stops talking.
3) Interrupting
As your partner is speaking or thinking, you cut him or her off to present your line of thinking. Doing this clearly sends a message to your partner that you do not respect his or her point of view. You may as well state out loud, “What I have to say is right and you are wrong.” This can quickly create hurt feelings between the two of you. Listen with respect and frame of mind that your partner has a right to his or her point of view just as you have a right to yours.
Concentrate on eliminating just these 3 roadblocks and you may not believe the improvement in your communication.
Written By Kimberly Berry
Official website; http://www.dothancounseling.com