Thursday, August 13, 2020

The 5 Types of Friends and Relatives to Avoid.

November 17, 2019 by  
Filed under Money, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Throughout your life, there are people you will run into who are just…loathsome people in general. They’re obnoxious, full of themselves, downers, miserable, nothing happening, and just all-around terrible. These kinds of folks break new ground in being sorry and get the Vanguard Award in people to avoid.

It gets dicey when it’s friends and just murky when family fits the bill. Actually, when it comes to family, those are just relatives: folks related by blood or marriage that you really don’t deal with on a regular basis. Here are five kinds of family and friends you probably want to avoid—or that you already avoid.

The Money Leech

We already know who the leech is. This is that relative or friend who constantly has their hand out for money. These folks could sniff a dollar out several fathoms under the ocean in a lead trunk. Number one, tell no one—not even your people—what you’ve got in your pocket. As my brother says “You need to just keep your pocket closed. Keep your money to yourself.”

As you may have guessed, the main reason for this is that people talk. Family relationships and social circles in general are tangled. You might not talk to one person but they’re in your social circle because someone you do talk to talk to them. I mean, you could cut them off for associating with that person but that’s a petty. Especially when the person you talk to doesn’t put their own name out there defending the person.

Keeping up? Summed up: people you don’t rock with will still be around by association. Well, this person will pop up even if your lips are sealed. It might not be to ask for money off the bat but they just—come around. They might want to hang out when you haven’t seen or spoken to them in some time. They’re good at getting you to talk and steering the conversation towards their woes to try and pry you from your money.

Stay away from this person. I don’t know or care how you do it but you want to avoid this person. Doubly true if you’re a kindhearted person. It will be a walk in the park if you’re too hot to handle and too cold to hold. As a matter of fact, this list will just be a list of people you’ve cut off if you’re that skilled.

Psychic Vampires

In short, they’re like the money leech only psychic vampires don’t feed on your money. In the context of relationships, these are people who are so draining with their own drama and emotional stuff that they’re vampires. It’s always something with them. The thing is they might be the worst to be around or they might be the coolest person to chill with—if it wasn’t for their random assortment of emotional bullsh**.

On occasion, they’re a mix of the two. When they’re good, they’re cooler than the underside of the pillow. However, let something be wrong with them. They will bum you out, bring you down, turn the beer warm, knock the taste out of a succulent plate of wings. But if you’re already cool with them, you’ll want to help or listen.

Oddly enough, it’s easier to avoid them if it’s family. You can just throw another relative at them. Or if you don’t rock with them at all, you don’t have to worry about them at all. Why would this relative you’re not cool with come your way? You’d be surprised but for the most part there’s other relative they will probably rock with more than you.

Just don’t let them get their hooks too deep into you that they ruin your day.

The Wild One

Now, this person is fun. But sometimes, they do too much. There’s a scale with them. If they stick closer to the far end or the middle, they’re tolerable. If they go to the far extreme and you’ll be tempted to bounce them out of the house. The wild one can be a blast at family gatherings. They joke, they might drink, they might bring some devilry, and they’re just…a blast.

For the most part you might want to just hang with them and avoid other folks who don’t rock with this person. However, it’s like I said: they can do entirely too much, go too far, and things escalate into a big problem. It’s not fun anymore: there’s been some close calls with breaking things, someone else has had enough of this person and now the wild one is testing their religion.

Obviously, this when you kind of want to avoid them. The key is knowing when they’re nearing that extreme.


Remember the comic strip or cartoon Heathcliff? It featured a fat orange cat who would fight anyone any time. Dogs, other cats—it didn’t matter. He was the orange cartoon cat I preferred over that mark Garfield. This person in your life wants all the smoke, all the time. If there’s no smoke to be seen or smelled, they’re more than happy to bring it.

For the uninitiated: these people love to fight. They’re not even the kind of folks who will end a fight if they didn’t start it. You know, the kind that don’t keep up mess that builds into an issue and escalates into a bruhaha. No, this person will sit there and talk about how they really want to fight some person over some small slight.

Bonus points if the person they want to fight is also a Heathcliff and is all about the smoke. Who actually needs that around them? I mean, if you’re the messy, nosy sort this can be entertaining I suppose but it’s just annoying when there’s constantly some nonsense and another fight that occurred.

Like what do Heathcliffs do with their time? They can’t be training for fights all the time.

The Hen

Remember Eggbert’s mother from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons? Yes, Looney Tunes-Foghorn Leghorn. Eggbert was the small kid with glasses. Anyway, his mother would say she’s going out for errands but end up talking with the other hens. Just gossiping and doing nothing important. You want to avoid the hens.

While it can be entertaining to be around them when they’re talking about someone else or sharing someone else’s business, it’s an entirely different story once they get into your business. No one wants to be the topic of discussion with these bitties. Sometimes, hearing your own business or slander about yourself might turn you into a Heathcliff.

So, avoid the hen and their gossip group all together. They’re nosy, they share everyone’s business, they smile in your face then talk about you, oh, and they talk about each other. That’s the truly entertaining part, when they talk about each other and start beefing as if all that gossiping wouldn’t eventually lead to this.

Sure, they’ll be friends again eventually—because misery loves company—but in that moment that they’re beefing, it’s great.

Staff Writer; M. Swift

This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.

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