Thursday, August 13, 2020

Domestic Violence Against Men Is A Reality.

October 21, 2019 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( So October is Domestic Violence month? But what is not hardly ever mentioned is all the men who are abused by violent women, spoiled women, bi-polar women, angry women, jealous women or women with tempers who want to pay the present man back for what the past man did. Courts, prosecutors and support agencies are comfortable sweeping men as victims of domestic violence under the rug and hardly ever considering women as the actual abusers, regardless of the facts. Men are laughed at, seen as weak, treated unfairly and ostracized because courts and agencies are often afraid of real women victims, fake ones and feminist man-hater groups alike. And just as in the child support system, men are mistreated yet again while being stereotyped. Even the judges with balls can’t seem to find them.


Violent Women “You Too” Are Domestic Violence Abusers

Recently I attended a domestic violence meeting, invited by an awesome female high ranking police officer. The room was packed but it was really a man-hating, build yourself up, low self-esteem therapy session for women. No men on the stage. No men getting up to make comments. And the woman who invited me had to tell her assistant 3 times to even recognize me as a guest because of the agency I run and what we do in crime prevention. Not one man present from any agency or vendor was given the opportunity to speak, not one. Very slanted and I wondered why they even allowed men to attend.

Women are often the victims, but not always. Men are often the perpetrators or primary aggressors, BUT NOT ALWAYS. Let’s tell the whole story instead of twisting the narrative into lies that leave out the men who are actually victims. If a woman slaps a man on TV or in real life, people ask the man what he did to deserve that or what he said to her. But if the reverse happens, the man is seen as a monster. The double standards are wrong, those who support or promote them are cowards and karma is a b****.


What about the argument that the man is stronger? First all men are not stronger than all women. Second, what happened to the argument that men and women are equal, that women can do anything men can do like being cops and firefighters and soldiers? What about the argument made by women that they have the right not to be treated differently but equally? But when it is convenient, these women switch from the equally capable mindset to the damsel in distress. Finally, strength is not a factor when hot grease is thrown in a man’s face. Strength is not a factor when a 120 pound women hits a man in the head with a baseball bat as he sleeps. You man-hater feminists don’t want to talk about that, do you? But when I carried a badge and handled over 100 domestic violence situations, I saw cases like those and worse.

What about the argument that the man should just walk away? Really? If he should just walk away, why shouldn’t SHE just walk away? Why is it all on him to be the mature one when she is demanding to be considered equal ? Why is the expectation that he can take the abuse and should? Isn’t that gender discrimination? Isn’t that failure to realize than men can be hurt by women too? Why is SHE equal then unequal at will?

We need to distinguish the difference between a fight involving a man and a woman vs. domestic violence. The fact that most men are stronger will not stop all women from fighting them. If you believe there is no such thing as a fair fight between a man and a woman, well that depends on the man and the woman we are talking about. Most of the time it is not an equally matched fight, but sometimes it is. Every man in this country is not automatically capable of beating up every woman in this country. Believe what you like but that just isn’t true. And the assumption that every man can win a fight with every woman assumes that all women will fight fair. That is not always true either.

We need to send a new message, a fair message, a better message to females. The same message we send to males. WOMEN KEEP YOUR HANDS, CAR KEYS AND HOT GRITS TO YOURSELF! He has just as much value as you do. If you don’t want to be hit ladies, don’t go around hitting people. If you do hit a man, whether he is stronger or not, the law says you are abusive and committing an act of domestic violence. Ladies even if he doesn’t tell, even if he walks away, even if he does not ever hit you back – if you put your hands on him violently, women you are an abuser. And you need to know sooner or later what goes around comes around. If you are bi-polar, angry, bitter or violent woman, get help!

You want the facts? These are the facts that you never hear mentioned, the facts that shape, slant and twist public perception all in the favor of women victims and leave men victims out in the cold. Most men who are victims of domestic violence at the hands of women are laughed at, not believed, seen as weak or expected to just take a slap or other act of abuse. They are treated differently by the courts, the prosecutors and the public, even though the 14th Amendment of the Constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. More bias and unfairness based on false, incomplete and unfair narratives.


Here are more facts you never hear about in the statistics, from women’s rights groups, victim advocacy groups nor in the news and special reports.  Facts that allow the numbers of victims to be manipulated and twisted to shape public opinion and stereotype men, even though men are most often the abusers. The fact hidden in the stats is that some of the women victims are victims at the hands of other women, not men. Another hidden fact is police bias in cases where certain police departments often take the man to jail and label him as the perpetrator – even when the women initiated the violence. Police officers often ignore the federal rule to determine the “primary aggressor”. Another hidden fact is the cases that are dismissed because the woman lied about the abuse or faked the abuse by purposely injuring herself then blaming the man. Oh yes, all of the above happen more than you would believe.

Want more facts? Here they are. The same agencies such as the CDC, the Justice Department, the National Council Against Domestic Violence and the FBI which provide the research on domestic violence against women also provide statistics on domestic violence against men.

According to Psychology Today:

Women are more likely to pick fights with their husbands, they are quicker to escalate verbal aggression, and are as likely to use physical aggression as men.

According to the CDC (reference NCADV):

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.

According to the Natl. Council Against Domestic Violence

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1

19.3 million women and 5.1 million men in the United States have been stalked in their lifetime. 60.8% of female stalking victims and 43.5% men reported being stalked by a current or former intimate partner.

According to the CDC:                                                                                                                                                    

1.   1 in 6 men were victims of sexual violence.

2.   1.7 million men have been victims of rape or attempted rape.

3.   1 in 9 men were victims of stalking or physical violence.

What should a male victim of domestic violence do? People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. men have to learn how to draw a line in the sand just as women do. Everybody should keep their hands to themselves. But if you are a man who is a victim of domestic violence, here is what you should do.

·        Defend yourself.

·        Walk away when you can but that’s not all.

·        Document the incident.

·        Record the incident with audio and video.

·        Tell others. Gather witnesses.

·        Call 911 then wait outside. Don’t just leave.

·        If necessary, go to the station and file a self-initiated police report.

·        If she has to be arrested, follow through.

Fair is fair and we need to have honest discussions, revealing all the data – not just the data that always makes the woman the victim. Far too many women are victims of domestic violence but far too many men are too. Yet from Google to YouTube to other social media, they are intentionally participating in a campaign that hides the truth about men as domestic violence victims. And yes I can prove it. But through it all, women need to remember if they want to be treated fairly, they need to treat men fairly.  Defining Domestic Violence: Women and/or Men “the term “family violence” means the occurrence of one or more of the following acts between past or present spouses, persons who are parents of the same child, parents and children, stepparents and stepchildren, foster parents and foster children, or other persons living or formerly living in the same household:” If women don’t want to be hit or abused, women need to realize you reap what you sow and women (like men) need to keep their hands to themselves.  Keying a man’s car is violence. Slapping a man is domestic violence. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE / FAMILY VIOLENCE IS NOT LEGALLY DEFINED BASED ON WHO IS BIGGER NOR WHO IS STRONGER. Domestic violence against men is not a joke – it’s a crime. And these truths in no way ignore that most domestic violence is done by men.

Staff Writer; Trevo Craw

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