How to Agree to Disagree with Your Child’s Mother. : ThyBlackMan

Sunday, September 15, 2019

How to Agree to Disagree with Your Child’s Mother.

May 16, 2019 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( If you and your child’s mother do not frequently get a long for the well-being of your child, it is possibly because there is a pain deeper than what lies on the surface from your child’s mother or your ex, is still mentally attached to the relationship.  This is not to say, that these two reasons are the sum total of the problem.  But for the sake of this post, we will examine them both.

Women will bury pain in the depths of their souls for a long time.  Once a relationship dissolves, that buried pain seems to resurface in some type of way.  Not to make any excuses for irrational behaviors but hear me out.  Maybe her father left her mother for another woman and that has emotionally affected how she views relationships.  Infidelity happens in your relationship with her and she reacts in such a way that now, she doesn’t even want to discuss co-parenting with you or she starts drama every time you come around to see your child.  That’s a deep rooted hurt that needs to be healed.

Am I excusing your infidelity?  Absolutely not but we can agree to disagree.  Your child’s mother may not want your child to play a certain sport like football for obvious safety reasons and you’re ready to draft him into the NFL once the ultrasound confirms you two are having a boy.  Again, this is where you can learn to agree to disagree.  Men, learn how to pick your battles when it comes to women, and especially when it comes to co-parenting with the mother of your child.  You are teaching your child how to treat their mother and any other woman in their lifetime.

Take for example, a young boy age six, who’s been exposed to domestic violence in the home.  He sees the father yelling, cussing and hitting the mother.  From this learned behavior, the six year eventually demeans and possibly physically abuses his own mother or women period that he encounters.  Where do you think he learned that behavior from?  His father.  Minimize conflicts with each other in front of your child, never dismiss mother of your child’s thoughts because it shows you lack respect for her and your child won’t see a need to respect his/her mother.

Women are not always right but there are ways to respectfully disagree with the mother of your child without it being an episode of the next reality television series.  Men are used to being the providers of the household but don’t realize the workload that mothers endure.  The argument maybe that you pay child support monthly and she’s constantly telling you that she doesn’t care about the money, she prefers for you to actually spend time with your child.  Don’t just write a check, be more engaged in your child’s life.  If you haven’t been actively engaging with your child, then acknowledge that she is right and create a schedule together, to work on doing more activities with your child or being attentive to their everyday schedule.

If your ex still wants to be together, and you have clearly moved on, you can expect for there to be some problems, when you’re attempting to co-parent.  It is going to take some time and effort but eventually, the woman moves on.  You have to communicate with your child’s mother even when it’s uncomfortable.  You can always delay a conversation until both parents have cooled off but don’t feel obligated to put yourself in an unhealthy or dangerous situation, to co-parent.

Staff Writer; Felicia T. Simpson

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One Response to “How to Agree to Disagree with Your Child’s Mother.”
  1. Trevo Craw says:

    Good luck guys when there are so many vindictive, trifling bi-polar women out there who will disagree just to make your life difficult. I don’t think the author of this article understands that. I have a great wife but as a counselor for families and relationships, I can say what I just said.

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