(ThyBlackMan.com) Parenting can be a frustrating experience, especially if you cannot establish a balanced relationship with your children. There are times when you find yourself in disagreement with your child because of the so-called generation gap. The key to having a balanced relationship with your children depends on how well you understand them and whether you give them a chance to understand you. Below are 10 tips on engaging with your children and understanding your child.
Set a boundary between your role as a parent and a friend.
Aside from being a father or mother to your child, you can also be a friend to them. But sometimes you need to make a distinction between being their parent and their friend. Friends will always have the tendency to judge your child whenever they confide their problems, this isn’t what you want to do. You want to use every 
shared problem as an opportunity to guide them and strengthen your relationship. Children want to feel like they are heard and understood, this is a great way to let them know that you get that.
Show Your Involvement
This is especially essential if you work often and rarely have the time to be with your child. Being involved means finding the time to be with them whenever you have spare time and engaging with whatever they have going on at that particular time. Consider not making the time what you want it to be but getting involved with what they already have going on at the time. For instance, if your child is playing with a particular video game that you don’t care for, don’t try to make them do something else, hop in and play that game with them.
Teach Them To Be Accountable
As a parent, you are responsible for preparing your child for adult life. Consider teaching them that if they want something they have to work for it to receive it. Money is not the important what matters most is being responsible and independent, which you can take by providing incentives for good behavior. Also making allowance something that is worked for and not just given at a certain increment of time. If they only did 50% of their chores for the week, they should only receive 50% of their allowance.
For smaller children, allowance doesn’t have to be monetary at all. It can be stars on a chart and after a certain amount of stars they get to pick a special game or toy they want. This way not only are you teaching them to work for what they want but also preparing them for the outside world.
Listen To Them
As a parent, it is your job to listen to your children for understand. Listening for understanding will allow you to help get them to the right path quicker. It will also help you to alter your response for maximum effectiveness. For instance if you tell your child to bring you the black bag and they can’t find it, however, it’s right in front of them, asking them about the bag will reveal to you that they believed that color to be grey. Now that you know what color they thought the bag was you can not provide appropriate correction by letting them know the color of the bag, instead of getting upset and saying something completely unrelated to why they didn’t see it. Always be trying to understand their perspective so your response is in alignment with what the actual problem is.
Explain Yourself
Letting your children know the reason for the instruction you give them or a decision that you’ve made helps them become good decision makers themselves. Gone are the days of “because I said so.” In order to teach your children how to make good decisions, you have to be willing to explain to them your decision so they can become familiar with what a good decision sounds like. If you want your child to be home at a certain time, tell them that you are concerned for their safety. Even if they disagree with your decision, they will accept it. The same goes for smaller children, share with them that you don’t want them to get hurt so that’s why you don’t want them jumping off the couch.
Consider implementing some of these tactics to have a good relationship with your child or improve the relationship you already have.
Staff Writer; Sister Victoria X
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