Brothers Find Your Michelle Obama.

Saturday, April 20, 2019

Brothers Find Your Michelle Obama.

November 13, 2018 by  
Filed under Money, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

Like Love Haha Wow Sad Angry

( As I sat there on a cold Sunday night of November 11, 2018 watching the ABC interview with Michelle Obama, I found myself smiling and applauding and wishing that every good African American man could find his Michelle Obama. I also found myself thankful that I did find mine. But with so many women of different shapes, sizes, incomes, potential, careers and dreams out there, why am I saying you need to find your Michelle Obama?

She is not hot like Beyonce. She is not built like Jennifer Lopez. But she is likely smarter than both put together. She is the type woman you want by your side (or you should). She will nudge you to greatness and help unleash your potential within. She is the type of woman who will be a mother to your children, not just a baby machine. She will cover you 360 degrees. She is a lady and always strong but never hood. She makes you better. She encourages you. She advises you. And if you are wise enough to listen, as Barack Obama was, you will go further and fly higher than you may have ever thought possible. Find your Michelle Obama. Stop settling for women who take from you and your vision and find one who will be a part of it – without trying to redefine you. That is not her job.

Michelle Obama, formerly Michelle Robinson, was much more than a first lady of class, purpose and intellect. She stood beside her man all the way to the White House. She did things I would say so many  African American women are unwilling or unable to do. And I hope African American women everywhere can learn from her example even before the White House. Michelle deserved to be the First Lady because she earned it. So let’s look at why and how a woman like that can be worth her weight in platinum to a good African American man with vision.


Unlike many African American women, Michelle Obama dated a man (Barack Obama) who made less than she did. In fact, when they began dating, he was still in school and she was already an attorney making money. She mentored him when he was a first year law student. But she never saw him as less and she recognized his potential. It was not about him having everything in place that she thought he should have. It was about spotting potential, real love and being there to help a man with vision. Those traits are the mark of a phenomenal woman who will make an incredible wife.

Today most African American women could not and/or would not do what Michelle did because they are too wrapped up in making everything about what they want. And because they would not, they will miss out over and over again on African American men of incredible potential and vision. Today far too many African American women want to define African American men based on what they think we should have by the time they think we should have it. Vision and potential are often overlooked and/or replaced with immediate expectations of a house, a car, a good income and whatever else women think men should have. And that, for many women, is their mistake. Then they have the nerve to say they can’t find any good men. But I have to ask are they good women? Why? What do they bring to the table other than a Christmas list of demands and immediate expectations?

Michelle Obama was a catalyst to the success of her husband. She was the key that cranked the Rolls Royce Barack Obama had within. Ask Barack Obama. She saw greatness in him early but today too many African American women will not even glance at such a thing. Brothers find your Michelle Obama and drop the other women who cannot see your potential, will not stand with you when you have nothing, take away from the foundation you are trying to build or lack the ability to help you fulfill your vision. They are part of the problem, not part of the solution..

Michelle Obama had a 6 figure income that she put on a shelf to help a young man from Hawaii move from community organizer to state senator to the most powerful man in the world for 8 years in a row. Michelle could have been a partner in a law firm and easily made a million dollars all alone. But she had more insight than that. And now the Obama’s are worth millions and millions of dollars. Not that it is all about money people, but either Obama likely make more for one speech now than Michelle ever gave up in the early years of Barack Obama’s career. She made the right decision and so did he.

Barack Obama’s net worth is estimated at $40 million and climbing. Michelle Obama’s net worth is $11.8 million and climbing.

As I heard Michelle Obama in the ABC interview say she loved her husband, I heard thunder, passion, commitment, fire and resolve. Brothers that is what you need in the woman you are with. There are women who are cuter with nicer bodies etc. But you will be hard pressed to find an available woman out there who is more powerful in supporting, loving and helping to empower her man. Brothers find your Michelle Obama. You likely have potential that is yet to be unleashed. And the type of woman I speak of is both capable and willing to start from the bottom with you, do what she must and rise to the top with you. While you may be able to do it alone, she can help you get there faster, easier, with fewer mistakes and pitfalls and stay there.

As a veteran marriage, family and relationship counselor, mediator and life coach, I have counseled thousands of men, women and families. And while I clearly acknowledge no man is perfect, this article is not about our imperfections. A woman who is not working with you is working against you. It’s that simple. A woman who is not adding to your life and your vision is a woman who is taking away from both and making it harder for you to rise to the top.


Whether our African American women want to admit it, want to hear it or not, there are too many of them who are destructive to the African American man trying to do the right thing. There is far too much “real hood wives of where ever” drama that brothers simply do not need.  And you need to stop tolerating that drama. You are not a whipping post. you are not her personal ATM machine. And many of you brothers need to stop playing “baller” and spoiling these women, especially those who are not your wife. Poor choices can mean anything from incarceration to child support court to an empty bank account to you paying a house note in a divorce for a house where you cannot even reside.

If you have to buy a woman (or rent one), you do not know who you are. If you have to impress her with what you have, expect her to go after it and stay with you because of it. Do not work against yourself by giving away the pie while trying to increase the size of it at the same time. Easily the African American male in America has suffered more than any other ethnic group, race or gender. But part of that is because you have accepted that and lowered your standards both for yourself and the woman you chose. That has to stop and you have to draw the lines bold and clear. Correct the problem and rise.

The alarm clock is ringing and I suggest you hear it. this time do not hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. You cannot afford to. Your future is at stake. Find your Michelle Obama.

Staff Writer; Trevo Craw


7 Responses to “Brothers Find Your Michelle Obama.”
  1. Shelly K says:

    To Kendria, you need to read slower and with more understanding. You need to pay closer attention to the point of the guy’s article instead of trying to take the narrative and change it.

    The article above, which I agree with, is about our men finding their Michelle, not about us women criticizing men or finding our Barack. Keep up girl, keep up.

    I experienced exactly what the writer talks about. My husband had virtually nothing but potential and a vision when I met him. My gfs told me he was beneath me and to find a man who had more or who was doing better. Now every single woman who told me that is either without a man or has a man with THINGS who cheats on her and treats her like dirt.

    I, on the other hand, helped him through school and he just passed the BAR exam this year. He is also a school teacher and a mentor for young boys. We have a strong relationship but i first had to have insight, not a bunch of stipulations that would have made me screen him out.

    So where is your man since you can only criticize?

  2. Trevo Craw says:

    From The Author,

    Any marriage is a risk in a dozen different ways. But you can minimize most of that risk by carefully screening the person you want to marry. The problem is that most people either don’t know how to do that effectively or won’t bother to because they are focusing on the wrong things. Things like sex, looks, what he drives, how much he makes etc.

    This causes people to think below the waste or use their hearts while turning off their minds. Almost any relationship that crashed and burns likely had signs and symptoms all along. But you didn’t see them or didn’t want to. And for those who did see them, many of you didn’t know what the signs and symptoms meant.

    I have written articles on this site (and others) about how to choose your spouse. It is not complicated, but it is complex and it does require you to pay attention and do your homework. To know his or her background, past relationships, desires, objectives etc.

  3. Trevo Craw says:

    Author’s Comment correction:
    I meant to say “Ice-T” who has Coco, the Frankenstein blow up doll white girl.

    I have no problem with a man of color who knows who he is dating or marrying a Caucasian female for the right reasons – love, not as a status symbol trophy.

  4. Trevo Craw says:

    To Elaine from the Author,

    First of all, as a counselor I would not say the 18 years were a waste. Especially if you were happy with your husband. And especially if you had children. What if the relationship came to be for the primary purpose of the birth and success of those children, not just for you nor him? We always think about what we go through as only for us or about us and sometimes that is just not true.

    I am not ignoring your point about your 18 years of commitment example and I do not support a man who does that at all. He either has an identity problem or he feels he has “arrived” so he can get a white woman. But white women are not the standard, certainly not based on color. It makes me sick to see people like Tiger Woods, OJ and Ice Cube think they have risen to the status to have a white woman. Then look who they get and what happens when they get one. Serves the guys right.

    To the woman who is deserted by her husband, if she was faithful and a good woman, she has just seen who he really was after 18 years. i would rather die than leave my wife and vows mean everything to me. It is easy to me because my parents were married 54 years until my dad died and my wife’s parents hit 46 years until her dad died. Sadly that is not the case with far too many African American men because many have not seen that.

    I suggest the woman forgive him, never connect with him again, know that she was a giant among people, rebuild and enjoy her life. She should be admired tremendously and the pain will fade with time. She should also try again and not let what he did spoil her future.

    I also suggest the children confront the dad about what he did. And believe me, nobody gets away with anything so he WILL answer for that at the most inconvenient time. I think about Diary Of A Mad Black Woman.

  5. Trevo Craw says:

    To Kendria,

    Barack Obama did not have a plan. you are wrong. He was groomed and encouraged and selected to run for President. He wanted to be a lawyer and community organizer, which he did. When Michelle met him, Barack was not making any money and had very little. He did not have a law degree because she mentored him in his first year. Get the facts.

    While she turned him down, eventually she married him and stood by his side. Thus you have not refuted anything in this article. Your statements are misleading and inaccurate.

    Women like you prove I am right and you are part of the problem. Clearly i pointed out that she saw something in him – potential. And there was no guarantee that he would even finish law school when she got with him,. So she took a chance on love and potential, not on what he had.

    All that being said, what do you have? What do you bring to the table? What is your education? You are the type woman who will miss your blessing because you are too ignorantly busy judging him to be less than you.

    As a counselor I have seen so much of that. Then when a white female stands by a brother, he ends up a doctor, lawyer etc, you will have your mouth all stuck out saying he left the sistas. You need counseling and your attitude is bad.

    You pick whomever but you don’t get to define what a man should be. You are not God, not his parents nor his employer. Work on yourself. Brothers don’t need tearing down that you learn from white racists oppressors. Brother need building up and to be believed in.

    In your example at least the brother is in college, not on the street and not incarcerated. And if it is taking 5 years, you don’t even know why. You are just running your mouth. And if he is sticking with it for 5 years, that is something you idiot.

    I have advanced degrees and certifications and corporate management experience and I am a published author. I guarantee you i make more than you do. But I would never ever choose a headache like you because you would be a liability.

    Kendria you would have looked down on Greg Matthis who went to jail. but now he is JUDGE Greg Matthis and if you can’t see that, you are blind as a bat and only half as smart. Women like you are an infection on the African American community and you prove my point.

  6. Elaine says:

    Good post, but there is a flip side, which I know to be true because Ive lived it. What about when you have been Michelle Obama, and devoted 18 years to building your man, starting from the absolute bottom, and then when you are living the good life, and he decides he wants “Becky with the good hair.” And all those years you invested in your husband, because you loved him, go to waste. And you could have been focused on building your own career. But instead you focused on the family collective. What then?

  7. Kendria says:

    Barack Obama already had a plan, an Ivy leaugue undergrad education, a Harvard Law degree, and a job when he met Michelle. And she turned him down more than once. Ain’t nobody wasting time on the potential of Justin the 5 year community college student or Dequan the call center employee. NEXT!

Speak Your Mind

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!