How Some Black Men React, To Young Black Males Seeking To Court Their Daughters. : ThyBlackMan

Sunday, July 21, 2019

How Some Black Men React, To Young Black Males Seeking To Court Their Daughters.

July 8, 2018 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Most would attribute my evolving worldview regarding young black males to the gradual increase in age and hopefully wisdom, in actuality, these factors are secondary to my inheriting two daughters via marriage. This colossal alteration in my life has naturally forced me to consider and re-evaluate a host of issues that had never been on my plate before their arrival.

Although I consider myself a relatively aware individual, there have been noticeable changes appearing in every aspect of my life such as the following. During what has turned into a relatively common occurrence of my wife dragging me to a local craft shop, I have learned to entertain myself during such “dates” by aimlessly wandering through the establishment, I noticed a sign that I had seen at least a hundred times before titled, “Rules for dating my daughter.” The alluded to metal sign that was most certainly designed to hang in a “man cave” served as a warning to potential suitors seeking to date an unspecified daughter of a father. The sign listed the following rules.

  • Get a Job.
  • Understand that I don’t like you.
  • I’m everywhere.
  • You hurt her; I hurt you.
  • I don’t mind going back to jail.

As stated above, I have read this sign seemingly hundreds of times and paid no attention to the message it was communicating to the world. My how things have changed.

At the forefront of the way that my life has changed in regards to the unexpected arrival of daughters has been how do I handle who come “calling” on my daughters. Undoubtedly, Amari, a high schooler whose athleticism is surpassed only by her charm and social abilities, is the underlying reason for my finally “seeing” the alluded to sign. This matter is even more pressing as she has done what her biological father, whom I communicate with regarding her as grown men should, considered the unthinkable and taken a strong liking to some curly-haired boy named Jeremiah.

Jeremiah’s entrance into Amari’s life has presented me with an interesting question of how should black men treat/interact with young black males seeking to “court” their daughters. If nothing else, I can proudly state that this young man is the product of a seemingly well-functioning two-parent household that has produced several sons who have already extended an admirable familial legacy of personal and professional success. As my uncles’ would term it, Jeremiah appears to come from “good stock.”

Nonetheless, after much reflection, I have come to consider Jeremiah’s arrival at my doorstep as an opportunity for me to see my reflection in a mirror that will show as every mirror does my imperfections and areas that I need to improve.

In many ways, there is no better reflection of how adult black men feel about young black males than that moment when one of them arrives at your front door seeking to “court” one of your daughters. After pondering this issue for more than a few moments, I have concluded that our reaction to this moment speaks very little about this relatively anonymous young man knocking at our door which represents our greatest fears. Instead, our reaction to this situation speaks volumes about how we view other black males. Although rarely discussed, the truth of the matter is that without concerted effort, it is darn near impossible to be an American and possess a substantial ever-lasting affinity for black males. Let’s be honest on this matter, one of the integral elements to becoming an “American” is the development of some level of distrust, if not outright hatred/fear, of black people.

One must remember that it is the presence of blacks that allows for those of British, Irish, Polish, Italian, etc. ancestry to suppress many of their substantive issues and situate themselves under the umbrella of “whiteness.” The daunting and damaging anti-black messages and images that have come to be a staple of this America’s socialization process are consumed by all citizens, regardless of racial identity. Put simply; if black men are not aware of such matters we will instantaneously project onto the young “suitor” referenced the inherent biases, prejudices, and stereotypes that black men have acquired during a lifetime of frustration, disgust, and disdain in “the land of the free and the home of the brave.”

I am confident that many will find it difficult to comprehend that the young man standing at our doorstep provides an unusual opportunity for each of us to take an inventory of who we are at our core; particularly as it deals with ideas of black manhood. If the above signage that was recently discussed and supported by the majority of black men in a Facebook group that I belong to is a reliable indicator, black men are filled with anger, suspicion, and hatred. It is these deplorable perspectives that we project onto that mirror that arrives at our front door seeking an opportunity to “court” our prized possessions. When viewed through such a lens, the average adult black man’s perspective and considerations of young black males are frightening, if not psychotic.

At the present moment, it appears that many black men have abandoned one of our grandest traditions of mentoring young black males through the tumultuous terrain that they have stumbled through and chosen to join a chorus of opponents who seek to destroy young black males. It appears that what has historically been a mentoring relationship has turned into an adversarial one that conflicts with a total abdication of the black man’s classic call for collectivism of “We all we got.”

In the words of Notorious B.I.G. “Damn, things done changed.” And that is not a good thing in this particular situation.

Staff Writer; Dr. James Thomas Jones III

Official website;

One may also connect with this brother via TwitterDrJamestJones.


One Response to “How Some Black Men React, To Young Black Males Seeking To Court Their Daughters.”
  1. Trevo Craw says:


    It amazes me how many of you are still brainwashed to call yourselves BLACK. Black is not an identity and scientifically black is not even a color. It is next to nothing. Black is the “color” of your car tires, not your skin. The white oppressive slave trader called you black and himself white to set up a contrast and to attach negative images and denotations to you based on a lie about color. Look up BLACK in the dictionary.

    Research even shows that blacks are perceived by other groups as very different from African Americans. But we still keep calling ourselves what someone else defined us as, what we are not and what has a negative dictionary denotation in society. WAKE UP. LOOK AT THE REAL COLOR OF YOUR SKIN. YOU ARE NOT BLACK. You are an African American. The lie of calling us black and defining us by color (the wrong color) has been in place so long that our people accept it as truth – but it’s not. Know your colors.

    Native Americans do not allow others to call them red men. Asians do not accept being called yellow men. Hispanics do not answer to “what’s up brown man”. And Caucasians are not white, notebook paper is white. Wake up and see the plan where white racist supremacists plotted to redefine our people from Africa. STOP CALLING YOURSELF SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE NOT!

    Black is the “color” of your car tires, not your skin author. Being called “black” is a lie and it should be offensive. Haitians, Jamaicans and even Africans do not accept being called “black”, Why do you think that is? They are identified by tribes, klans, geographic areas and their respective countries. By using the very term black to describe us, we are doing the following:
    1. Using a term white oppressors and slave masters gave us.
    2. Letting someone else define us other than our own people.
    3. Calling ourselves something we are not.
    4. Buying into thee lie and the negative denotation. Check the dictionary.
    5. Being set apart in a way that no other ethnic group allows. Native Americans are not called Red Man. Asians are not called Yellow Man. Hispanics are not called Brown Man. They do not and will not accept being defined by color and by some other race or ethnic group at that.
    6. Ignoring our actual color (brown) which means brainwashing has worked. Any time someone can get an entire race, ethnic group or culture to ignore what they are and call themselves what they factually are not, THEY HAVE BEEN INDOCTRINATED, ASSIMILATED AND BRAINWASHED.
    7. Playing right into the oppressor’s profiles and stereotypes. Did you know studies show there is a different perception of black people than there is of African Americans? Words create perceptions and perceptions create actions towards us.

    WAKE UP. You know your colors. And even though others around the world equated our ancestors with the color of the soil in Africa or the meaning of negro/negroid, that does not change the fact that WE ARE BROWN – NOT BLACK.
    Facts are facts and YOU ARE BROWN, NOT BLACK. When you receive the revelation of why they keep calling African Americans “black” and Caucasian people “white”, you may just wake up!

    STOP LETTING OTHER GROUPS DEFINE YOU WITH AN OBVIOUS LIE that we have heard and accepted so much that we believe it’s true and forget our colors. The de-programming has to take root or African Americans will forever be defined, limited and oppressed by those who get us to accept a lie.

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