Monday, February 18, 2019

The Remaining Parent Deserves to Live.

May 15, 2018 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( The death of a parent is hard on a child to the point is can be scarring. There is no such thing as really getting over it. This not a wound that time heals; many of us just have to learn how to live with the loss. Constituting a new norm takes years and for some the adjustment never quite happens. It’s as though half of who, and what, you are is no longer there; all you are left with is memories and hollow space. When the parent was a huge part of your support system and talking to them was a part of your daily life you very well may feel vulnerable.

You find yourself being reminded that you are an adult and your parent did in fact teach you plenty on how to navigate life. However, it seems as if the wisdom doesn’t feel right being recalled from self verses hearing it from them. You are constantly told they are in your heart, and still with you in spirit. This may very well be true, but when you have spent a lifetime use to their physical presence…what’s missing is rather obvious to you.

The lose of one parent is so devastating it’s easy to lose sight of the parent that is still alive. When parents have been married for years children may not understand the loss of a spouse, but they tend to deem it worse at times. The thinking is how would I feel if I lost my life partner…how would I move on. In that mindset children can become possessively overprotective of the remaining parent. Its as though out of fear of losing the only one left the parents life is now the property of the children.

Legacies are children not spouses so its hard for children to understand we can not hold our parent hostage. We are basically asking them to surrender their like to our servitude because we are all they need, but we as their children obviously can’t feel every need. There is a part of them, though we don’t know it, that we don’t understand didn’t die with their spouse. Basically, without realizing it, we are sentencing them to be lonely for the rest of their life. Though the children may mean will its rather selfish on our part.

The parent we lost would want their spouse, and children, to continue to live. No, its not easy but if our remaining parent meets someone, though we are protective of them, we must remember they are still our parent. They are still afforded the respect of a parent. We can’t begin to handle them like they are our children as this can ruin a relationship with the only remaining parent we have left. Keeping a selfless open mind allows us to be able to dialog with our parent. If we have concerns they can hear us out without feeling that we don’t care about them or their needs.

For our parent to have a fulfilled life it will require more than just us. Granted some spouses may never date again, and it’s definitely their choice. However, if they choose otherwise they will need our support. Them living doesn’t mean they have forgotten their spouse, nor are they trying to erase their memory…that isn’t possible as they see their spouse every time they look in our faces. Loss of a loved one is difficult for everyone, and its important to be there for each other with love and respect.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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