(ThyBlackMan.com) Communication and trust are important for the foundation of a relationship. Regardless of who you date, you are likely to run into topics that will make one or both of you uncomfortable. Moving in together, household affairs, and finances are sure to come up.
Being able to express one’s thoughts and feelings is vital in building a healthy relationship. Many times we miss red flags simply because we fear hearing the truth. These things will not just go away. If your partner acts strange when you want to know about their finances or when you ask about their past, that may a be a red flag.
Below are a few questions that you and your partner should be open to answering, without hesitation, if you both desire a stable, healthy relationship.
1. Do you have any STDs? While this can be an uncomfortable topic, it is much easier to ask this question before you get into the heat of the moment. In fact, the sooner you ask in a relationship, the
better. If your partner refuses to give you a straight answer, this is a red flag. Talk about sex and talk about it often. Do not let it end with a conversation, many clinics offer couple HIV and STD counseling and testing. A simple “I love you” does not guarantee your safety in sex.
2. Do you still talk to your ex? These arrangements tend vary from person to person. Some people can not stand the thought of even seeing their ex, while others may feel their ex is their best friend. For some, children are involved so communicating is necessary. Whatever the case, your partner should be able to share openly with you the arrangements they have with their ex. If your partner refuses to give you a straight answer, it could indicate they want to keep aspects of their life from you or they do not feel you can handle the truth. Either case is a red flag.
3. How do you want to handle money? It is all good when you are in the dating phase and you and your partner are eating out, attending events, and living the life. Those fun dates often change when partners decide to share a living space. Before you get deeply involved in your relationship, find out how your partner manages money. Finances are a very important part of relationships. Many problems arise in marriage because one person is in the dark about how the other person manages money. This is not about being in your partners pockets, it is about knowing that the two of you can maintain a living space, have food, provide for yourselves and your family, and put away a few dollars for a later day.
4. What is trust? Licensed Professional Counselor Brandon S. Ballantyne says “Questions about trust and safety are a part of healthy communication as relationships are built on trust. Converse with your partner about setting boundaries within your relationship and create a space of openness so that any issue can be addressed within the relationship without anger or insult.
5. Have you ever had mental health issues? We sign the confidentiality agreement at the doctor’s office so we know everyone is entitled to keep their health issues private. However, if something could affect your relationship, you definitely have the right to know. You should be aware of any depression, anxiety, or substance use your partner may have had in the past as well as the potential triggers. If your partner is unwilling to share, you will not be able to help and that is unlikely to make for a healthy relationship.
6. How did your last relationship end? This is not about stirring up the past but rather seeing what caused your partners last relationship to end, how they parted ways, what they learned and how they have changed or grown since then. Many times we enter into relationships with partners who still need closure from their last relationship. There may be unresolved hurt or anger that keeps them attached to their partner. You need to know what went wrong, and if those behaviors still continue for your own safety and sanity.
There are so many conversations we should be having with our partners. Above are just a few topics I find people shy away from in relationships. We’ll ask about moving in together or marriage, yet shy away from discussing how bills will be handled. We about boundaries and what we will not accept from our partners, yet fail to define what trust is to our partner. We want to know the ex is out of the picture, but not why. Ask the questions that scare you, the one’s you do not want to answer and watch how your relationship begins to open up. Or end, if necessary…
Staff Writer; Dina Tuff
333rd Eye Healing Temple
Reconnecting Consciousness to Magick
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