How To Break a Negro: Baltimore’s Hero Mom.

by Staff May 2, 2015 15 Comments News Opinion Relationships Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Ms. Toya Graham is receiving her days of fame amidst the Baltimore City riots. Many news reporters and media sources are referring to her as “Supermom” but, is she?

As a mother I completely understand Graham’s concern about her 16 year old son being amongst rioters who are in the streets of Baltimore protesting the death of Freddie Gray who died in police custody on April 19^th. Baltimore has been plagued with crime for many years now and is often referred to as ‘Bodymore, Murderland” ranking number 7 of the top 10 most dangerous places to live.

Toya Graham made her way to CBS “This Morning” on Wednesday where she stated, “My intention was just to get my son and have him be safe”. Toya admits to “losing it” when she saw her son amongst rioters. In the video, which has gone viral and made its way to local news stations, Graham can be seen pimp slapping her son in the face as well as on the head. As the 16 year old walks off without saying a word, Graham begins to run behind him yelling obscenities and proceeding to pimp slap him just a bit more. No doubt, she “lost it”!

My question is: When is it acceptable for our youth to “lose it” in order defend themselves against social justices?

I’ve heard many African Americans referring to the youth who are rioting as ‘thugs’ yet when asked what they’ve done within the black community to assist in rearing these youth, you can hear crickets. We sat idle after the murder of Trayvon Martin in Florida hoping that the judicial system would do what we deem right. We saw riots erupt after the Mike Brown verdict in St. Louis just months ago and here we are yet again watching, commenting and whining about the aftermath of the Freddie Gray murder.

It’s obvious the younger generation is in a state of unrest. Not only are they restless, they no longer trust us as adults and current leaders of today to do what is right, what is just. We can’t continue to toss their voices and day-to-day reality aside under the false pretenses that we have “paved the way” for them to have a better life. What exactly have we paved to? The opportunity to hold hands with little white children? The opportunity to sit in classrooms and read from textbooks that constantly show their ancestors as worthless beings that were sold into slavery? The opportunity to find a job, pay taxes before they see their wages and hopefully live to retire? The opportunity to accept the rewards that white supremacy is offering in exchange for good behavior? What have we led them to that’s worth living for, that’s worth allowing their broken down neighborhoods to stand yet another day?

I can’t understand why so many adults feel these youth have nothing to be angry or upset about. I can’t understand why we don’t see the warrior spirit of our ancestors such as Nat Turner, Malcom X and Marcus Garvey within them. Our youth have the heart we lack; our hearts have been tainted by the luxuries of life, the comforts that those before us were unable to enjoy, the luxuries that keep us in a state of compliance and submission. Our youth, on the other hand, are more familiar with the luxuries and comforts of life so they thrive for something more soul felt: Justice and Equality.

Where do we go from here? How do we move forward when our youth are rebelling and we as parents are beating them down in the street for their oppressors to see? How do we begin to redirect the anger and frustration of our youth into projects similar to the Black Power Movement, the Stop the Violence Movement or The Harlem Renaissance? Why are we, as black people, more obsessed with life than we are with equality? It is as if we would rather live decades in oppression than fight for our birthrights. I recall reading a statement in the Willie Lynch letter that states, “If you break the female mother, she will break the offspring in its early years of development and when the offspring is old enough to work, she will deliver it up to you”. That very statement explains why Ms Graham, who in her own fears and frustration unleashed a thrashing on her son, is being applauded by media outlets throughout the country.

I can assure you that “losing it” on your offspring will not prevent them from being Freddie Gray, Mike Brown or Trayvon Martin, however, it will limit their capacity to be a Fred Hampton, Desmond Tutu, Bobby Seale, Stokely Carmicheal and the likes.

Blessed Parenting and Godspeed

Staff Writer; Dina Tuff

Connect with Mystic Philosopher & Inner Fitness Coach Dina Tuff @

The Magick Playhouse; http://dinatuff.blogspot.com/

Twitter; https://twitter.com/DinaTuff

Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/ClubMagick

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Marque Anthony says:
June 2, 2015 at 3:35 pm
I am a family and relationship counselor, life coach and mediator. I am married and have children. The way the mother handled things was both wrong and ignorant. Now I see where the boy is getting his ignorance from.
True he should not have been out there, but more importantly, she should have handled things behind closed doors. If she handled her business as a parent at home, he probably would not have wanted to be out there in the first place. If the child fails, it is because the parent (and the village) fails.
Ignorance and violence are a bad example, even when disciplining children. Embarrassing a child only shows even more of that ignorance that our people struggle with in the AA community.
What if the son is off the chain because his parent or parents are off the chain? The apple does not fall too far…
For far too long our people have used brutal violence, loud mouths and ignorance to discipline our children. This has to stop. I am all for discipline, but in the right way – and a lot of it while children are very young so it does not have to be done when they are our size. Wake up people and if your parents used violence, fear and intimidation, they were wrong too. Our children are people, not animals or slaves.
Learn to treat people the way you want to be treated, not the mistakenly way you have been treated.
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Yakub says:
May 25, 2015 at 9:07 pm
Then she turned around and put him in a cute little pink shirt on national TV. Just cut the boys balls off…
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toomanygrandkids says:
May 17, 2015 at 6:13 pm
If it was my child, I’d most likely do the same thing. Of course, I wouldn’t expect the situation to go viral nor appear on television. But I doubt if her son would have ended up another Freddie Gray. That day, the police didn’t fire real bullets at the looters/rioters. They used rubber bullets, and blacks were showing where they were shot with a rubber bullet as if it was a badge of honor or they didn’t deserve to be shot. I just smdh. Anyway, every adult or parent in their right mind should have done what this mother did. IMO, I would have done it to let my child know that destroying property wasn’t the answer to problems. That’s not how you solve a problem or problems.
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Independent_Systems says:
May 16, 2015 at 2:25 pm
Hilarious…damned if she does damn if she doesn’t! This smells of anti-black woman, because how else in a single parent home during an epic crisis is she able to reach her son? What about the spankings that the last 2 generations had? Didn’t work out? Why the accusations?
“How To Break a Negro: Baltimore’s Hero Mom”
Is this written by white people in 1985?!
This website is so schizophrenic its not even funny. It has a serious identity issue publishing articles within 2 months of each other with completely different viewpoints.
…
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Larry Q Perrin Jr says:
May 13, 2015 at 4:43 am
I live and work in Baltimore City. I work the night shift from 11am to 7am. The job I have requires me to travel throughout the city all night long. I was downtown Baltimore City the day and night the riots occurred. The people that were peacefully protesting during the day before the riots; I would say they have the spirit of Nat Turner, Malcolm X and Marcus Garvey within them.
I can tell you first hand that the KIDS that were looting, destroying property, and running amuck had NO thoughts of Nat Turner, Malcolm X and Marcus Garvey within them that night. Most of the children were following the lead of the few really bad ones that wanted to just cause chaos. It was the opportunity to be as mischief as possible. It was fun for them. Break in a store and take what you can get for free. Disrespect policeman and get away with it because you can. And justify it by using the Freddie Gray situation. Most of those kids may have heard of Malcolm X but I guarantee they don’t know Nat Turner. Maybe some have heard of Marcus Garvey but no little about him. I live in Baltimore. The kids that looted that night have a warped sense of thinking. I don’t agree at all with anyone who participated in those riots. But guess what, unfortunately the riots brought more attention to the situation than the peaceful protest did.
And I totally agree with the way Ms. Toya Graham handled her son. That is exactly how a single mother has to handle a young teenage black child growing up in Baltimore City. There were hundreds of kids running through the streets acting a fool. Why? How? I am 43 years old. When I was 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, etc….years old and something like that had happened the first thing I would have come to mind was let me get home because I know my mother will be worried if I’m okay.
My mother would kill me if she found out I just robbed a store, burned a police car, threw a flaming trash can at police men in riot gear. What? Bottom line, parents aren’t parenting because they lack the proper skills to. Because they were kids when they had these kids. In my opinion that is the root of all of poor black America’s problems.
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hassan_aziz says:
May 3, 2015 at 11:23 pm
Dina,
Your reply actually proved my point. As I stated before, to correlate destroying your own city, and businesses that provide not only jobs, but goods and services to the people that live in those areas, to the movements, and actions by Malcom, Garvey, and MLK, is nonsense and borderline if not complete delusional. And yes I did read your article and I could see what you were alluding too. I will tell you this, to raise a child with a mindset of everything being fair, and that everyone should like him or her, is cruel, and whether you know it or not, you are setting that young person up for failure. My perspective was not uncommon during my childhood, I was told by both my parents constantly “life is not fair” and it’s not on many levels, to lead a young person to believe anything else is irresponsible.
Just like your depiction of these miscreants acting out is likened to the civil right protests that took place during the era of MLK, and Malcom X….my question to you is will be then, when these businesses do not return or no longer want to invest in our communities whose fault is it going to be then? Or will be another brand of hidden racism because people see no value in doing business with us or where we live because of potential outcomes. If you support this type of behavior and enjoy mayhem, and looting then just say so, but to equivocate it to some type of righteous social movement, you are disingenuous.
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RacistBlack says:
May 3, 2015 at 7:32 pm
A black man in a majority black city, ruled by a majority black government gets beaten to death by a team of police half staffed by two black men and one black woman! Black city burned down and looted by blacks.
What’s not to love about this story? Apparently, blacks can’t even survive in cities in which they have exclusive control. Look out Detroit! Baltimore is coming!
Then – THEN – you have a black mother that beats her black son protesting the death of a black man supposedly killed in a racially motivated, police black beatdown!
Holy Moses! I love it! This is news! String up those white folks! Oh – the cracker oppression! Cracker oppression of blacks! Poor oppressed black children!
We need to let out all of the violent, predatory black prisoners (thugs – shhh) so that they can take on the role of responsible citizens and fathers! It’s the crackers that prevent this black dream from becoming a reality! Black mothers – BEAT YOUR SONS! THIS WILL TEACH THEM TO RESPECT ALL BLACK WOMEN!
From a Caucasian to the “African Americans” – please accept this gesture of comradery (picture yourself being flipped the bird by a cracker like me).
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Barry Thomas says:
May 3, 2015 at 7:19 pm
Single Mothers Of Today”Yesterday,Tomorrow,Has To Be A Little Heavy Handed With Young Boy’s Because They ARE Young Men Born And Bread To Be Mentally,Physically And Often Times Spiritually Tough In The World They Are Born In” Boys, Young Men Sincerely,Respectfully,Dearly,Love Their Mothers.Black Mothers Often Tell Their Boys two wrongs Do Not Make It Right, God will Handle It,But At The Same Time Never Let Anyone Hurt You,Man Up Stand Your Ground. I Can Tell U How To Be A Man” But U Will Have To Be A Man On Your Own.Only A Man Can Raise A Man.But I Can Teach U How To Respect Your Self,Others And Women.And That Is What We Hear The Loudest” In black Families A Strong Woman Equals A United Positive Loving Family. willing and wanting to be A productive Force In this world.Father Or Not.”
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Dina Tuff says:
May 3, 2015 at 4:55 pm
Hassan Aziz its safe to assume the motivation for your dissertation came solely from the reading the title, you obviously didn’t read the article. You are being completely disingenuous to call our youth “little animals” while attempting to protect the legacy of Detroit Red and Mlk whom you obviously know nothing about. Malcom’s path to enlightenment was sparked while he was serving a prison sentence, MLK…. yeah pretend perfection has reached any human ‘being’.
The ignorance to ask if another ever left their “hood” is amazing! As one who is well traveled pardon me for not being impressed but rather moving forward to ask, What have you done within your community for the youth? Did you take any youth from your community with you to experience these black utopias that you speak of?
As for blaming things on “white people”…. redirect yourself back to the article in which I question us by using the term “WE” rather than “them”. Its so sad that you proceed to make the argument that America is a much better place to live based solely on upon “luxuries” that I mentioned have tainted the hearts of many adults leaving us in a state of compliance and submission.
Black Youth of America Hassan Aziz says ” Realize your potential, and expect unfairness….”
Black Youth of America overstand there comes a time in every individual’s life when they must decide if they will die on their knees or fight on their feet. Realize your potential, play your role and NEVER EXPECT NOR ACCEPT Unfairness!!!!
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TruthAndLight says:
May 3, 2015 at 2:24 pm
Black mother beats black son protesting the death of a black man supposedly killed in a racially motivated police attack.
Mother is wearing best clothes with quaffed hair and jewelery a blazing.
Yeah. I’m glad I’m white.
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TruthAndLight says:
May 3, 2015 at 2:17 pm
Perfect example of cultural misandry and why people think it’s OK to send men off to war to die for women’s rights.
Perfect example of why the courts will ruin the financial life of a man to continue a woman’s standard of living in divorce.
Perfect example of why masculinity is considered toxic and the female can act in any way she pleases.
Perfect example of why white knights exist and why hyper-gynocentrists (feminists) have been so successful in destroying men (the patriarchy).
Perfect example of why men are shamed for remaining bachelors, despite the terroristic, man-hating family courts, but women are brave for being single mothers.
Perfect example of the sadistic reason underlying the rule that men can never hit women but women can hit men.
Perfect example of why laws like Yes Means Yes and the VAWA get passed despite the fact that these laws violate men’s constitutional rights.
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LeVar Smith says:
May 3, 2015 at 10:31 am
great job sister.. Can you Imagine Martin Luther King’S mom slapping the shit out of him in the middle of the march on selma and told him to go home white people would still be saying she’s the greatest mother in the world.,.
and dumbass sell out black people would be saying they’re glad
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hassan_aziz says:
May 3, 2015 at 4:45 am
The reason why she was heralded was because she at least showed some interest in her child and what her child was doing. Which says a lot concerning our community, when I saw these teenage savages running wild, I wondered where the parents were, and why would any parent let teenage children run the streets acting out. You are being completely disingenuous when you try to imply that these little animals carry with them the spirit of Malcom x, or MLK, and if you really believe that you are delusional. They are nothing more than antagonist, and opportunist taking advantage of a situation to be self-serving all under the guise of “protest” which you and I both know not to be true.
I also have another question for you, and for Kellogg, who are these white oppressors specifically? And what “white system”, half those cops in Baltimore that are being charged are black, is your reply going to be “the white man made them do it?” I hear a lot of accusations but no specifics, with no specific acts, just generalizations, in short engaging in the same behavior we accuse others of doing. Have either of you ever left your hood and travelled outside of this country? To black utopias like Haiti, the various countries in central and south Africa? Etc I have visited and its horrible worse than anything you have experienced here. I do concede, that this country is based on European ideals, and culture, but I would not have it any other way. Ever wonder why blacks from all over the planet risk life and limb to migrate here and to European countries? Its not because they are seeking slavedom, but a better quality of life.
I have noticed those that love blaming whitey are actually defeatist; non innovators that have given up on themselves, and their community. Blaming whites is convenient, and helps those that do it accept and embrace complacency, and failure. I have thought about it and go by what I have witnessed and seen through my life, the ones that scream about this nonsense have never taken risks or accomplished anything, because of the white man. The people that achieve, produce, and overcome do so by self-accountability, honesty, and no excuses. That is a common trait among those that achieve regardless of background or skin color, the ones that I have come across are not interested in pity, sympathy, or victimhood. Realize your potential, and expect unfairness, and no not everyone is going to like you for any number of reasons… but the reality is, if you want it, you can get it here in this country.
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Kelloggs says:
May 2, 2015 at 9:20 pm
Well like so many places in America today we are asking for justice, equal rights a fairness under the law. I had my son with me, in school n acting up one year. The damn police came to my house bcuz I disciplined my son n they wanted to lock me up. I told them if they wanted to feed n cloth him they could have him but while in my house n under my care they could kiss my ass.
They found that I wasn’t scared of their approach and proceeded to leave my property.. Like so many Black men we are singled out n our lives are ruined by our WHITE SYSTEM… That’s what we have to change , ” THE SYSTEM”
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go mom says:
May 2, 2015 at 3:00 pm
I’m glad she whooped that @ss on national TV. It may not prevent him from doing it again but best believe he’ll thing twice before engaging in this suicidal behavior.
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