Single, successful Black woman, where art thou? : ThyBlackMan

Friday, September 21, 2018

Single, successful Black woman, where art thou?

April 15, 2014 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

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( I heard a child the other day ask his mother why Donald Duck comes out of the shower with a towel on? “Ducks live in the water. Why do they need showers?” she asked. I thought it was insightful, and funny, that a little kid who couldn’t have been more than 7 years old would be sharp enough to ask a question like that. 

Likewise that started me thinking about questions that I’d like to ask. For instance:

  1. Has President Obama ever said the word “ain’t” out loud? (saying it in your head doesn’t count)
  2. Is Prince really a vampire?( I heard he doesn’t sleep, nor does it appear that he ages.)
  3. Is Lil Wayne really just a grown up version of Stripe from the movie Gremlins? (I think he is)
  4. Did the movie Soul Plane really happen or was it just a bad dream?
  5. Where do successful Black women hang out?

I think it’s a forgone conclusion that YES, Prince is a vampire (I’ve never seen him wear silver), I’ve never seen Lil Wayne around anything resembling water, every time I attempt to watch Soul Plane I feel like I’m falling….backwards, and President Obama probably thinks the word ain’t is how they say aunt in Australia.

Which leaves the question of” where do successful Black women hang out” unanswered.

In my research it has come to my attention that many people have this same question, especially Black men.  Yes, Black men want to know where you lovely ladies are.

It may come as a surprise to some, but over 80% of all black marriages are between a black man and a black woman. Census data actually illuminates the reality that less than 5% of all black men actually marry someone other than a black woman.

However if you were to ask many black women, as I have, it might seem that black men, for the most part,  are making all of the choices with other women that they should be making with them. The perception amongCouple touching heads many black women is that black men, given the chance, choose someone else other than them. But the facts prove quite differently. The numbers show that black men, and obviously black women, are overwhelmingly looking for one another to form a lifelong relationship with.

But when dealing with opinions sometimes actual data goes out the window. And to be fair to the many women who I have surveyed I didn’t ask them to recite facts. I freely asked them for their opinion and, in return, they freely gave it to me.

Yet, I still haven’t mentioned what I found out in doing my research on the subject of “where do successful black women hang out?” In my research I sampled career minded women who were in their 30’s and 40’s, all single, all successful, and yes, all black.

Here’s what I found out:

  • Most successful black women don’t “hang out”. They work, volunteer their time, help support their families and hustle. They’re too BUSY!!!!
  • A lot of successful black women are involved in their places of worship. BUT, at this stage in their lives their focus is on the spiritual growth, not on finding the next hot thing.
  • Successful black women typically do NOT go clubbing. When they do it’s to blow off steam and have fun, not to find Mr. Right.
  • Having been burned in the dating game, many of them simply stay at home

Many successful black women are looking for partners who share their same values. And this is where it gets tricky. While many men who I spoke with readily admit that they appreciate a woman who can “pull her own weight”, the women who I spoke with had quite a different experience. Part of their frustration was that many of the men they encountered were actually intimidated by their level of success. “You can be successful, but not that successful,” lamented one of the women I spoke with.

But still the question remains: where are these women?  Here’s what I found:

  • Places of worship: This is one of the most awkwardly intimate settings to meet someone. Why? Because it is in this place, around these people, that a person’s brokenness is often on display. They are looking for healing first. If you’re going there thinking you’ll find someone all zipped up and ready to go, think again. Courage, honesty and patience are pre-requisites for this path.
  • The Club: Here the brokenness is being hid behind a thick veil of make-up, mini-skirts, high heels, freshly did hair, liquid courage and a small army of friends. Unless you like that sort of thing then stay away. A fat wallet, the ability to speak well and a good wardrobe is a pre-requisite for this path.
  • The gym: Being serious enough about your physical appearance to actually make an investment in making it better is a great place to meet a successful woman. However, their often busy schedules don’t usually allow them to be there at conventional hours. Humility and lack of sleep is a pre-requisite for this path.
  • Places where children are: The truth of the matter is a lot of successful black women have children. On the weekends they are involved with kid’s activities. A great place to meet single, successful black women is being a referee, a judge or a coach. Liking kids is a pre-requisite for this path.
  • Professional development courses: If you want to meet a successful black woman this is probably one of the mother loads. Successful people are usually around other successful people. Going to training seminars and classes is a great place to find someone who is also looking to improve themselves in this area. Personal initiative is a vital pre-requisite for this path. 
  • Home Improvement Stores: Many successful black women expressed their desire to be with a man who knows how to fix things. He doesn’t have to be a contractor, but he should know his way around a toolbox. Not being afraid of getting your hands dirty is a pre-requisite for this path.

Ultimately it appears that like-minded people have like-minded interest. Black men and black women who are working hard and being successful have a lot on their plate. Those that are sincerely looking will find that special someone if they’re willing to open their eyes and be more strategic. Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t necessarily going to fall out of the sky nor are they going to come all buttoned up and ready to go. All relationships take work as no two people are the same. But, in the end, those are universal challenges that everyone has to undertake, even we…the black sons and daughters of America.

Next week: The problem of being a black man.

Staff Writer; Steven Robinson

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3 Responses to “Single, successful Black woman, where art thou?”
  1. Realman2 says:

    To be honest, the single/successful black woman is more Urban Myth than reality. It all comes down to how you define successful.

  2. toomanygrandkids says:

    Many successful black women have made a decision to be a lesbian or to not get involved with anyone at all. For whatever the reason(s), these women feel as though they are better off without a man. And they hang out at the places you described in your article.

    There are single women who live with a man. Some refer to living together as common-law marriage.

    In some cases, single women want a man who’s already taken/married because this allows them to remain single and free to mingle.

  3. julie says:

    We want to read an article about where successful Black men hang out!!!

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