Bitter Woman Blues. : ThyBlackMan

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Bitter Woman Blues.

August 15, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

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( I keep hearing a symphony everywhere I go, and the chorus is always the same “Black Men Ain’t Shyt”. Have you ever considered the fact that if all the Black Men that YOU come across “ain’t shyt”, then maybe….just maybe it’s not them…it’s you? Whenever a female tries to come to me telling me her man ain’t shyt , I look at her sideways. If he ain’t shyt then what the Hell does that make YOU? Our mates serve as mirrors, so whatever you see in him, resides in you. Who is giving BIRTH and PRODUCING all these “ain’t shyt” men? Where there are no decent WOMEN, there are no decent MEN, so if we can’t find decent men it is the DIRECT RESULT of our indecent behavior as WOMEN. I mean every day, there is a rant, a post, a conversation, a script being written, a t-shirt being made that will state how black men are trifling, don’t have nothing, won’t be nothing. Do you think that is motivational to men? You think that inspires them to do better or be better for a group of women that have already deemed them “no good” and “failures”? Yet, we keep our favorite “Black Men Ain’t Shyt” songs on repeat.

You know, not everyone who comes under the cloak of Sisterhood is sincere. Some are very crafty and manipulative. There are women who will prey on other women’s hurt, pain and anger and try to induct you into the “We hate Black Men Club” every time you look around, all you see is a bunch of hurt and angry women, trying to mask their pain as empowerment. They will feed you lies such as you don’t need a man,  because they don’t know how to keep a man, and since misery loves company, they want you sitting in Lonelyville right next to them. Be mindful of women who always have something negative to say about men. You’ve met her once or twice right? You might have even been her once upon a time. All she sings is the blues. “I don’t need a man blues”, “Men ain’t shyy blues”, “A man can’t do nothing for me blues”.
At the end of it all, YOU are the common denominator in failed relationships. One of the worst things we do as women is take advice from another bitter woman, she becomes like venom, poison and planting seeds of HER dissatisfaction in YOUR relationship . Why can’t we just be honest with ourselves? Instead of saying I don’t need a man; try saying some of the following:

“I’m scared to rely on you. When I was younger instead of reading me a bedtime story, my mother told me horror stories of all the trifling black men that left her and her girlfriends, to raise children all by themselves.”

“My mother never told me how to choose a man, because whatever man I chose (according to her) was going be a shiftless nicca regardless.

“I wasn’t taught how to “keep” a man, so I lash out and say I don’t need you. I was taught to be strong and independent, and that I was supposed to do everything by myself”.

“I was taught to never be a follower in the wrong connotation, so I don’t know how to see you as leader, because for the longest time, I thought the only place a Black Man could lead me was to hell, never stopping to understand the HELL that MY attitude and actions have created for you.”

“I was taught that YOU weren’t reliable but the child support system damn sure was. I didn’t have to wait to see what you would willingly do for your child because I knew these courts would FORCE you to do it”.

“So you see deep down it’s not that I don’t “need” you, I just didn’t realize How MUCH I REALLY DO NEED YOU, so please be patient with me as BOTH of us find our way back to original selves, which will in turn lead us back to EACH OTHER.”

But honesty and accountability among women seems too much ask for. We lay down with a bum, and expect to rise with perfection and when we don’t, it’s all HIS fault. We don’t make marriage a requirement, then wonder why you don’t marry us. We give you hatred, then wonder why you don’t love us.We’d rather bask in deflection and bitterness; those seem to be our comfort zones.
So, no mam I don’t want to sing your Bitter Woman Blues. I don’t desire to join your bitter club and pay your “Black Men Ain’t Shyt” dues. I’d rather focus on accountability and responsibility for the men I chose. Keep belting out those solos, while continuing to BE solo, as in alone.
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.


7 Responses to “Bitter Woman Blues.”
  1. Papacool says:

    Even though this article was done some time ago, the bottom line issue still remains true that negativity is everlasting. At least it makes me thankful that I had a mother who willing took up the task of raising her family without being bitter about all that she suffered through as a result. My mother was raised without her father and she made damn sure that we did not go through that routine. She stayed with my dad through thick and thin as she took her vows to heart. Although Dad has been gone now for nearly 21 years, I can honestly give her props as she did not go Gap Band with any other man throughout this time period. Our generation has gone through changes thinking that we finally have overcome, when in reality things have not really changed as much as we are led to believe. Back to Moms, she met her father when she was in her forties. He had married another woman and had moved to Maryland. The sad part is that the other woman went through lengths to keep them apart and not to develop the realationship of family that was missed earlier in her life. When he died my Moms got notification of his passing about 1 year after he passed. Meanwhile the wife got the benefit of selling his house and taking any assets he had. She moved in with her daughter and has never tried to make any contact with my mother at all. When one can see the wicked side of what we call humanity, we can find ourselves in disarray. As for me, I have chosen to make family a priority and am thankful Mom just celebrated her 76th birthday on this earth. They just do not make woman of character on the widespread basis from back in the day. Seems like we have gotten adjusted to living and dying fast without accomplishing a damn thing worth mentioning. Our leaders lack leadership skills and seem not to be willing to do anything without getting paid in some form or fashion, whether it is legal or illegal. Heaven help us all…..Peace out, Papacool.

  2. Nicole says:

    There is much truth in this article but we must also note that both men and women share in the fault of perpetuating this mess. We indict and persecute each other on a regular basis both must decide to let go of the slave mentality and those willie lynch papers— put man against woman, mother against daughter, dark against light,…. Have you ever watched ‘Claudine’ and saw how the government removed men from the homes in order to receive gov’t support and made this seem natural in our communities. Mothers need to raise their sons better as I have seen some raising their sons to be players instead of the man they would want for themselves or daughter. The TV, radio, and internet doesn’t help either. I could go on but….Educate yourselves, respect yourselves, and love one another.

  3. Nojma says:

    Peace Family, thank you for your comments! @thetruthslapper, I am loving that name! I am really feeling that lol 🙂 @RealMan, we as Black Women give birth to you, then shun you. SMH We love treating you like some step children we inherited that we can’t wait to get the hell out the house. You know we love saying we are the mothers of Civilization….until it’s time to claim ALL our children.

  4. The truth slapper!! says:

    Great Article Nojma!!!!

  5. Brad Washington says:


  6. Realman says:

    Many black women have turned bashing black men into their own anthem and hobby. Like you say “there are no decent black men because there are no decent black women around”.

  7. sankofa says:

    Sistah Nojma…I am not a Christian, but seeing that most of your readers and most of us gravitate to the church, whether hypocritically or out of fear, I would like to re-introduce a line from the European fantasy book.

    “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
    2: And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
    3: And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
    4: Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
    5: Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
    6: Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
    7: Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
    8: Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
    9: For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
    10: But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
    11: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
    12: For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
    13: And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”

    V. 11 is particularly apt as there are too many women you speak of, that DON’T practice this simple passage:

    When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a (wo)man, I put away childish things. We are in the year 2012 of the Roman calendar…how can we call on ignorance and say we don’t know?

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