Bitter Woman Blues.

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(ThyBlackMan.com) I keep hearing a symphony everywhere I go, and the chorus is always the same “Black Men Ain’t Shyt”. Have you ever considered the fact that if all the Black Men that YOU come across “ain’t shyt”, then maybe….just maybe it’s not them…it’s you? Whenever a female tries to come to me telling me her man ain’t shyt , I look at her sideways. If he ain’t shyt then what the Hell does that make YOU? Our mates serve as mirrors, so whatever you see in him, resides in you. Who is giving BIRTH and PRODUCING all these “ain’t shyt” men? Where there are no decent WOMEN, there are no decent MEN, so if we can’t find decent men it is the DIRECT RESULT of our indecent behavior as WOMEN. I mean every day, there is a rant, a post, a conversation, a script being written, a t-shirt being made that will state how black men are trifling, don’t have nothing, won’t be nothing. Do you think that is motivational to men? You think that inspires them to do better or be better for a group of women that have already deemed them “no good” and “failures”? Yet, we keep our favorite “Black Men Ain’t Shyt” songs on repeat.

You know, not everyone who comes under the cloak of Sisterhood is sincere. Some are very crafty and manipulative. There are women who will prey on other women’s hurt, pain and anger and try to induct you into the “We hate Black Men Club” every time you look around, all you see is a bunch of hurt and angry women, trying to mask their pain as empowerment. They will feed you lies such as you don’t need a man,  because they don’t know how to keep a man, and since misery loves company, they want you sitting in Lonelyville right next to them. Be mindful of women who always have something negative to say about men. You’ve met her once or twice right? You might have even been her once upon a time. All she sings is the blues. “I don’t need a man blues”, “Men ain’t shyy blues”, “A man can’t do nothing for me blues”.
 
At the end of it all, YOU are the common denominator in failed relationships. One of the worst things we do as women is take advice from another bitter woman, she becomes like venom, poison and planting seeds of HER dissatisfaction in YOUR relationship . Why can’t we just be honest with ourselves? Instead of saying I don’t need a man; try saying some of the following:

“I’m scared to rely on you. When I was younger instead of reading me a bedtime story, my mother told me horror stories of all the trifling black men that left her and her girlfriends, to raise children all by themselves.”

“My mother never told me how to choose a man, because whatever man I chose (according to her) was going be a shiftless nicca regardless.

 
“I wasn’t taught how to “keep” a man, so I lash out and say I don’t need you. I was taught to be strong and independent, and that I was supposed to do everything by myself”.

“I was taught to never be a follower in the wrong connotation, so I don’t know how to see you as leader, because for the longest time, I thought the only place a Black Man could lead me was to hell, never stopping to understand the HELL that MY attitude and actions have created for you.”

“I was taught that YOU weren’t reliable but the child support system damn sure was. I didn’t have to wait to see what you would willingly do for your child because I knew these courts would FORCE you to do it”.

“So you see deep down it’s not that I don’t “need” you, I just didn’t realize How MUCH I REALLY DO NEED YOU, so please be patient with me as BOTH of us find our way back to original selves, which will in turn lead us back to EACH OTHER.”

 
But honesty and accountability among women seems too much ask for. We lay down with a bum, and expect to rise with perfection and when we don’t, it’s all HIS fault. We don’t make marriage a requirement, then wonder why you don’t marry us. We give you hatred, then wonder why you don’t love us.We’d rather bask in deflection and bitterness; those seem to be our comfort zones.
 
So, no mam I don’t want to sing your Bitter Woman Blues. I don’t desire to join your bitter club and pay your “Black Men Ain’t Shyt” dues. I’d rather focus on accountability and responsibility for the men I chose. Keep belting out those solos, while continuing to BE solo, as in alone.
 
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
 
To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.