Sistas, Delusions of Grandeur.
(ThyBlackMan.com) To all the women that say they can’t find a man on their level, what exactly is this “level” that you speak of? What if your “level” isn’t appealing to some men, especially if you like to talk about your” haves” and his “have nots”, your independence and his dependency on you? I mean did you ever stop and think that “your” level might be BENEATH his? Sometimes I wonder what type of mirror we as women view ourselves in. Maybe it’s the kind that gives us an optical illusion, you know if you go a fair or a carnival and you go into the house of mirrors, and what is being reflected is not reality? Kind of like that.
Why are Black Women encouraged to “marry up” as if all Black Men are just down trodden with bleak futures? When you ask women what their level is, normally the answer is based on material things. You know we say things like “I pay my own bills”. And have the nerve to say it like we’re really doing something! Ummm if you’re GROWN, and living on your own then you SHOULD pay your own bills. Next come the “degrees”. Oh I have a B.A. B.S, Masters, a Ph.D, all of that and no M-A-N? Why are we instructed to “lower our standards” if we want a man? What’s wrong with elevating our Men? Helping him rise, encouraging him and motivating him?
Another misconception is that men are intimidated by “successful” women. First of all what is your definition of success? There is nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments, and what you acquire in life. However some women equate success with degrees, nice cars and houses and assume that having those things automatically make them a “good woman”. If that is the case, then why are women able to prosper professionally but suffer personally? Sometimes we as women don’t realize how arrogant some of us have become, and we interpret OUR arrogance as THEIR insecurities or intimidation. What man wouldn’t want his woman to have the best in life and be able to GIVE that to her?
So many Sisters say “I don’t want a broke ass man“, well men don’t want a woman that will “break“(him down) either. While you are checking out his bank account are you RICH with compassion? Are you RICH with understanding? Are you RICH with love? Are you RICH with rebuilding? Are you RICH with knowledge on what a man NEEDS and do you WILLFULLY and CONSISTENTLY EXERCISE that knowledge? If not, then maybe that’s why you’re always finding yourself “over drafted” and in the “negative“.
I think women have VERY unrealistic expectations of Black Men especially in this current financial climate. Now should he have a job? Yes? Of course, but today it does take two incomes or a financial contribution from a wife to maintain the household. Now does that make him LESS than a man? No. It just makes a wife what she is; a HELPMEET.
It seems that we are looking for pre-packaged “great” men instead of seeing the potential in a good man and helping him becomes a GREAT man. A man will be his most successful (in my humble opinion) when he has the support and encouragement of his wife.
Yes all of us are born with a purpose, but you think a great man is groomed on his own? He needs a patient and understanding wife. Sometimes a man may not even see or know his potential until he marries a woman that recognizes it and CULTIVATES it. A marriage is a partnership, your wife; your husband is your business partner. Formulate a financial plan together. Assist your husband. Nagging does not produce positive results nor will it produce a solution. So many Brothers are passed up because they aren’t sitting on stacks, but these same Sisters that are passing them by, are sitting…..by themselves. Check the unemployment rate for Black Men! Some of these items on our checklists aren’t realistic, and to be honest, Sisters want Brothers that they themselves aren’t even QUALIFIED for. You want a man like (insert the name of a name that you think is great) but look at the WIFE of this great man, then look at yourself.
It’s not that you’re so “elevated” that you are unapproachable or one of my favorites “most men can’t handle me”. It could just be you. Let’s define the word “handle” shall we?
Handle: to manage, deal with, or be responsible for, to control.
Now, let’s define the word “husband”.
Husband: A married man, especially when considered in relation to his wife, a manager.
A husband is manages and handles his wife accordingly. So in essence, when you say a “man can’t handle a woman like me”, more than likely he doesn’t want the task of managing or being responsible for a woman like you, depending upon your attitude.
Don’t believe the hype that Black Men have a fear of commitment or don’t have the desire to marry. The right woman can turn “I will never be a one woman man” into “I want to be with her forever“. That is the power of a beautiful, knowledgeable, Godly woman, that knows her role, isn’t auditioning for yours, knows the beauty and power of submission, doesn’t flex on her man, laces her tone with compassion instead of contempt, walks with him in this journey called life, instead of running ahead so she can claim “first place“, revives you when your energy is low, shields his weaknesses from the world but promotes his strength, she is his diary, her mind is the pages, and the love is the ink with which he writes with, her heart is where the key remains secured, what he expresses with her, STAYS with her, she provides an atmosphere that allows him to speak his pain, fears, and frustrations without judgement , allows him to be vulnerable, because he knows that this woman, understands him, like no one else, he knows that this woman loves him like no one else, in her spirit he sees God, in her wombs he found the path that leads to his legacy, in her arms he finds solace, in his house he finds PEACE, in her food he finds healing, in their children he sees the perfect blend of both “he and she“…….and the type of man he “never” thought he would be…..is now the type of man he has PROUDLY BECOME.
So it’s not so much that you can’t find a man on your level, you just might be suffering from “delusions of grandeur” placing yourself on a “level” that you don’t or haven’t qualified be on. Sometimes our levels are really superficial and why would a deep Man (mental giant) swim in shallow water?