Black Men: It all Comes Back To Us! : ThyBlackMan

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Black Men: It all Comes Back To Us!

July 11, 2012 by  
Filed under Brother Talk, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

Like Love Haha Wow Sad Angry

( I’m going to get right to it, brothers we are seriously slipping, we are slipping in our homes (if we are not still with mama), we are slipping with our kids, we are slipping with our women, and last but not least, we are slipping with ourselves.  The year is 2012, technology is steady advancing, our kids are steady growing, and the world is steady spinning, but for some reason we are still going backwards. I don’t even know where to begin with us, we have so much improving to do, and it’s hard to even pick a topic. They are locking us up every day, yeah they do pick on us half of the time, but we often do stupid things. It all comes back to us.

I think I will start with ourselves and how we are not living up to our full potential.  You see, I drive for a living; I transport brothers with addiction and mental health problems. As I am driving through the different hoods throughout the day, I often see young men, the same young men standing on the same corner, at the same time, every single day. Most of the time they’re pants are hanging off of them, they got a beer in their hands, and they are  smoking them funny cigarettes that I can smell as cruise through the area. I’m not the police, but I can just about tell what they are up to, but if I was the police, I guess I would be wrong for assuming what I’m thinking. All I can say is, I know that they don’t work, but somebody got their hands on some money to be able to drink and smoke every day, you know what I’m talking bout (in my Pimp C’s voice).

One day while driving a van full of brothas through the hood, we noticed a street full of the same guys that we pass every day. I asked the fella’s riding with me, “Is this all that we can do?” One of the guys said, “man it aint no jobs out there, you got to do what you got to do”.  He told me that he had been looking, but couldn’t find anything, and a few more of the brotha’s concurred. So I ask them a few questions, Do you guys go job hunting every day, or every chance you get? No, they replied. Do you have a degree or a certification in anything? No, they replied.  Are you good at using computers? No! Do you even plan on going back to school? Maybe, and I might, and I thought about it, they answered.  Well how in the hell do you plan on getting a job? I asked.

Come on brothas, the economy is messed up, everybody is struggling, but you got to give the employer’s something to work with. Why would the man even hire you and you don’t have any skills? I even asked them to try a couple of places that maybe, just maybe would give them the time of day; some said that they didn’t want to work in places like that. Do you see where I’m going? It all comes back to us! 

We don’t do our women any better than we do ourselves! Hell, they fine as you know what in the club, yeah we want her real bad then, but when the baby comes, we call her out her name and get ghost. Sometimes I think that getting ghost is one of our best skills. We know how to hit them sheets and get ghost real quick. How about getting a job, building a family, and taking care of that woman? If he does stay with the woman, he is the one laying on the couch all day with the kids playing the Xbox, while his girl is out working. How many times have you seen that? Most of our women have been scarred by their fathers, or some thug who shot her a bunch of lies, by telling her that he loves her. The fool doesn’t even know how to love his self, how is he going to love a woman?  You know what though; he probably doesn’t even know his father.  It’s no excuse, but it is a reason, and you know what, it all comes back us.

Brothers we can do much better, we can do anything that we want. Go to school, get an education, and get a career job. Find that good woman, buy a house, and live life. I’m talking about taking vacations every year, putting some money in the bank, throw your mom’s a couple of dollars and being a blessing to people man. Teach your kids the same things. Your sons are going to follow you, your baby girls are going to get a good man like pops. Don’t stop there, you and the wifey can start a business.  Life don’t begin and end with a job, we got to many things that we can do brotha’s.  God put us in control. There is no man as strong and gifted as the black man.

If you don’t believe me, ask yourself, who are the best athletes? Who are the best musicians, singers, dancers, and all around hustler (if that is a skill)? Who can make a dollar out of 15 cents like a black man? I mean we can make something out of nothing. I don’t even want to get on the fact that we just all around cool, cause brothers we got style, yawl call it swag, but there aint nothing like a brotha. If you don’t want the things that I listed, cool, do ya  thang bruh. Just remember, it all comes back to us!

Staff Writer; Kataurus Braswell

This brother is founder of Black Convo Media Group LLC, a group of website’s dedicated to African Americans. He is also a freelance writer, music producer, and blogger.

Official website;

Can also connect via Facebook BCMedia and Twitter; BlackConvo



8 Responses to “Black Men: It all Comes Back To Us!”
  1. John says:

    Thanks James for your comment! I hope that you will write in the future many film critics, you are reeeeally good and there is a big scarcity in this field (for Black movies). However, I have to be honest, I prefer the first movie (1995) about the Tuskegee Air Men.

  2. James says:


    Thanks for the reply. My main point on the movie “Red Tails” is in reference to the Tuskeegee Airmen and the forward credit which clearly states:**(Blacks are inferior and they cannot fight or support combat missions)** This is a rough draft of what the credits actually say at the beginning of this movie however, the Army War College Study of 1925, was also conducted at the same time the Tuskeegee Institute was even thought about, before WWII.

    Being a Military Combat Veteran myself, this same thinking was still in play when I enlisted in 1980 and it was further emphasized by white commanders in the field during “Operation Urgent Fury–Grenada Invasion–Oct. 1983”, “Operation Just Cause–Panama Invasion–Nov.1989” and again, “Operation Desert Storm–Kuwait Liberation–Aug. 1991”. . .

    The end results of this thinking from whites in the 1980s & 1990s military, was that several Black Army Rangers & Navy Seals were well received, decorated and recognized by upper echelon commanders; i.e., Generals, Admirals, etc. etc. So in essence, the main actors as Commanders in the field of their black pilots in Red Tails, REFUSED to accept hand-me downs from the military and white society as a whole; (Cuba Gooding, Jr. & Terrence Howard).

    There are a lot of other very talented black actors in this movie as well yet, my main focus is on Cuba & Terrence because their “push back” was done the right way—“face-to-face with the white establishment” through intelligent dialogue and faith in their men that they would far exceed the expectations of “failure” that the white commanders had placed upon the Tuskeegee Airmen during that era and, these men not only proved their white racist commanders wrong, they were decorated and recognized well beyond the shores of the United States.

    Thus, the same thinking applies today except, its done more financially, socio-economically, and with racial profiling (both socially & politically); which in turn points to what Natalie states in her post: (What is coming, is the tipping point where men and boys will inevitably “push back).”

    If we really notice beyond the negative sensationalism that the media spits out about black men, the “push back” effect has been going on for years in various forms except, the central issue in this “pushing back” is that black men are killing black men,the prison system(s) are full of black men & women, etc. etc. etc., so I hope that our ‘sistas’ do not become an endangered species as a result of black boys and men “pushing back.”

    Hang in there Marty. I see your points and I agree that WE must solve these issues within our own communities before we try to help other people/communities of color. The value of the Black Man & Black Woman is far beyond what we look like, have, don’t have, can/cannot get, etc. etc. etc.

    OUR VALUE IS FROM WITHIN OURSELVES and,our character traits far outweigh those of white people which, is why they keep attacking ALL PEOPLE OF COLOR but, it is interesting that they start at the very top; President Obama, and then work down through the political, social, and financial black entities in this country that help keep us afloat.

    I hope I clarified some things about the movie Red Tails for you John however, I suggest ALL black men see the movie and listen from within, not just hear with their ears. Use your imagination and think what and where we black men & black women would be at in 2012 if, the socio-economic racism of 1944 were reversed. . . .



  3. Thanks for the comment James

  4. John says:


    Your comment is very interesting. Can you elaborate more on the message regarding the movie Red Tails? Thanks!

  5. natalie says:

    “Hell, they fine as you know what in the club, yeah we want her real bad then, but when the baby comes, we call her out her name and get ghost. Sometimes I think that getting ghost is one of our best skills. We know how to hit them sheets and get ghost real quick.”

    If we spent as much time family planning and using birth control as we do trying to define “manhood” for men this wouldnt be an issue. We have defined manhood in a way that is not rooted in a personal empowerment and growth for men, but in a way that benefits those doing the defining…WOMEN! If a man does not comply with our expectation of “what a man is” we shift to the shaming language (often it is man up). Its time we woman up before its too late! These socially constructed ideas of men as the protector and provider are roles that we expect men to maintain while womens roles continue to evolve (i got my own, I don need a man, Im independent). The social contract that protected families for thousands of years has been destroyed as we as women have benefitted greatly from an evolving role that has changed our status in society. We have made enormous gains in education, are achieving upward mobility at a greater rate, etc. And yet while our roles have evolved and our trajectory is upward having changed for the better, we STILL maintain this false idea of ourselves as the victims of mens ill intent, as opposed to being victims of our own poor CHOICES! Sistas are we indenpendent and empowered decision makers or are are we victims. It is getting old the crying from the “baby mama” generation! The entitlement and lack of personal respnsibility kills me! We’ve been laying the blame at the feet of men regarding reproductive decision making in the black community for decades, allthe while watching the stats rise from 40% to 50% to 60% and we are currently approaching 80%. The problem is that society shifted towards a message of complete accountability for men/boys while extending them little compassion, it is ruthless and we respect men but the message of love is not reaching. At the same time we dont extend the same level of accountability towards women/girls while society extends us limitless compassion, it is infantilizing and it delivers a message of love for women but does little for respecting us by continuing to honor us even in the midst of many of us being dishonorable. In 2012 a baby does not have to result from sex, particularly with the advent of patch, foam, IUD’s, female condoms, the list is a page long. But we emphasize men “wrap it up” (as we should) without encouraging our women girls to protect themselves. Because we do not it maintains the idea of us as perpetual victims, abdictates us of any personal responsibility and we have pivoted towards a full acceptance of the current “babymama” issue. We have a post conception focus of accountability. Hididng behind the best interest of a child once they are here, we focus on “what deadbeats men are.” However, if we shifted our focus on the pre-conception model of accountability it would expose the irresponsible choices we as women make. It truly is fascinating the narrative we have created in our community regarding the single mother (we’ve lumped unwed mothers in with divorced and widows for the all encompassing term). We have created this narrative of the strength of the single mother where if a child succeeds and attends college it is the testament of the strength and personal abilities of a singke mother, but should the child become incarcerated it is an indictment of the colossal failure of absentee fathers? The message doesnt hold weight anymore!!! It really is amazing! I sent this article to my friend in Ghana. She replied after reading the comments, “You would be lead to believe that our sistas across the water were living in a third world country, with no access to contraception or no choices about bringing children into the world for this drama.” We only talk about how selfish individuals are after a child has arrived as opposed to the selfish decisions made pre-conception. The roe v wade reality is that women have been given COMPLETE control over our reproduction and family planning pre conception, post conception and after birth. When women have an abortion, it is essentially aborting motherhood for the same reason that many men get “ghost” (financial, emotional, etc). The hypocrisy is that we label men deadbeats, but the law has given us the right to “abandon” the responsibility that comes with unwanted motherhood. Should I not be called a “killer” or a deadbeat myself? We send a lot of mixed messages in the west and our community has been indoctrinated by these idealogues more than most. We will never solve this crisis with these antiquated messages where men are reduced to the value of their “doings” as opposed to the value of their being. Evry clergy and black leader in the country should be marching against the destruction being perpetrated against our men in the family courts and state supported child support agencies but it wont happen because they are cowards that lack the passion and humanity to truly address the issue! Most importantly they do not, like most of us, have the capacity for perspective taking that would allow us to get a handle on the true complexity of the issues in our community.

  6. natalie says:

    The president continues to ignore the efforst of this council. He continues to fund the council on girls and women, but has stated that there is no need for a comparable program for boys and men.

    When my son applied for college he did so with the expectation that in order for him to secure loan money he would have to register for selective services. This was not an expectation for my daughter. I sat watching news of the crisis in Syria where the journalist reported casualities in a way that has become common in western journalism. The reporter stated, “27 killed….including women and children.” These are two examples of the message that is communicated to our boys/men regarding the level of importance we place on the lives of our girls while holding our boys to a very different standard. We have reduced the value of men in society to the sume of their “doings” instead of a value in their being. Oh and these young men may not be able to fully understand the message but they are starting to demonstrate more outward objections to the comparative difference in expectation that society has placed on them. When girls lagged behind in school we implemented multiple programs and initiatives to address what was believed to be an institutional issue, but now that boys are falling behind we simply ask what is wrong with boys? But one will never hear this injected into conversations regarding equality by idealogues. What is coming, is the tipping point where men and boys will inevitably begin to aggressively “push back.” A society that despises its men runs the risk of creating a society of despicable men. The issue is more complex that what many of us have reduced it to.

  7. Marty says:

    Thank you for your article. Well written and I think it aptly expresses the frustration of African American women. I worry what my daughter will have available to her when she finished college. Right now, as she meets brothers, many times, she is not impressed. I notice what attracts her, it’s intelligence, a goal in life…. hum. Have we as women done too much? Mothers, are we complicit somehow? Whatever it is, we need to solve it together because as a people, we are clearly an endangered species.

  8. James says:

    Mr. Braswell:

    Awesome post and on point.

    I agree and the problem is more mental than financial, physical, and/or social. I’ve been down this road many times and I was asked the same questions you asked those ‘brotha’s’ standing around the block looking like decorations to nowhere however, IT ALL COMES BACK TO US and, if we as black men don’t do anything at this point to save our black boys, then the ‘TEA PARTY—aka Klan in suits’ will be running this country. Yes we have a black President however, too many black folk’ tend to think that he is the black savior and he is not; he is a man, just like we are and he is very limited to what he can and cannot do; who started these limitations?? ***(the so-called ‘TEA PARTY—Klan in suits’)***

    Anyone ever noticed why the Republicans have been attacking Mr. Obama even before he got elected President?????? The white folk’ know he will get re-elected and they will continue to do everything they can to stop it specifically, recruiting Black Democrats to publically bash Mr. Obamas’ policies and, the fact that the NAACP invited Mr. Romney to speak and after he basically said in a nutshell (Blacks are less than)… Sure, Mr. Romney dressed it all up with polical diatribe but his underlined agenda is to keep ALL PEOPLE OF COLOR down in the gutter). . . . .The flip side to this is that Republican School Board members here in Miami basically told First Lady Obama that she was not welcome to speak at their schools to rally support for her husband) so, go figure.

    As aforementioned, I used to think the same way those brotha’s you tried to help get up off the curb and it took me to almost be laying in a casket before I finally reached out to GOD and got me some help for drug/alcohol; and other abuse issues that many of these same brotha’s are afraid to face within SELF; SELF has to be a priority as a black man or we will eventually loose out entire communities to other ethnic groups and the majority of those ethnic groups are not people of color.

    Once I stopped playing the ‘victim’ role; I was then able to come up and stay up; despite any/all barriers created by SELF, WHITES, BLACKS, etc. etc. etc. I’ve been Clean & Sober for almost 14 years (1 DAY AT A TIME) and, it’s not what people think when it comes to various addiction(s) and abuse issues)…
    Yes, education helps us understand addiction(s), abuse issues, and other self-destructive behaviors however, experience is sometimes the best and only teacher to help the healing process; not that I’m bashing the Medical Profession but, so many people have basically told me what they think or are guessing at when it comes to getting off drugs & alcohol; (IT IS NOT A MIND DEAL where a person can just put it down and stop; IT IS ALL SOUL AND SPIRIT; starting with GOD, then upward from that point). . . .

    I’m a 2–time Combat Veteran and now work at the Miami VA serving the men & women that made it even possible for me to enlist in the military. I’m almost done with my B.S. Psychology-Substance Abuse and yes, we as black men can and MUST strive for the agenda you noted in paragraph 6. . . .

    If we don’t try to improve SELF both individually and collectively, then we may become EXTINCT!!! You may not agree with this but, I see it happening very slowly every day; in society and in our black communities.


    Thanks for the heads up article and I hope a lot of brotha’s read this and seriously think about their current state of being, existence, and overall representation of the black communities as BLACK MEN who are in control, changing lives, and moving upward; not down. . . . .

    Maybe a lot of Brotha’s need to watch Red Tails and look at the long-term message that the white military commanders really are saying to the black military commanders; After all, the 1925 Army War College Study noted in the beginning credits of this movie says everything that we need to know as black men. . . . **(Don’t just focus on the actors and drama in the movie; but the MESSAGE it sends to not only Black Men, but society as a whole; regardless of race)**

    PEACE my Brother. . . .


Speak Your Mind

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!