Black Men/Women, Playing The Victim is PLAYED Out!! : ThyBlackMan

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Black Men/Women, Playing The Victim is PLAYED Out!!

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( One of things I have noticed about us as women is that we play the victim card like it’s the Big Joker in spade game. Some situations are we really the victim? Yes….but in ALL situations? Not so much. The following statement was made during a dialog on my facebook page.


So, I had to wonder what’s behind a “no good man“. Is it a no good woman? Could the same be true if it was a no good mother, what if a woman abused him? What if a woman molested him? What if a woman pimped HIM out? What if he was hurt, lied to and manipulated by a woman? Does that affect his expectations of a female? Or does the woman get a pass because the misconception is that some no good man did those things to her? (Please understand that I am NOT making light of any situations where either the male or female is violated or abused) I only ask because I see that a lot or I see women saying behind a “good man is an even greater woman” or  something similar to what was stated above… again I was just wondering what’s behind a so called no good man?It seems like it’s a double standard to take credit for the “greatness” we bring out in men and discount that we can also bring out the “worse” in them as well.

I know the nursery rhyme may have told us that “little girls are made up of sugar and spice and everything nice”, but that is not always the case.  Among women, when we swap horror stories of failed relationships, why is it that no one offers accountability? I used to be among that circle, and no one would ask me, well Nojma, how did you contribute to the situation? More than likely I was encouraged to do tit for tat and was told that I was justified in doing so. We talk about how we have been dogged out, but conveniently leave out the part about putting out the kibbles and bits. How can two people make a decision yet only ONE person is 100 % blame?

When I hear things like “men are running through women” my initial thought is well…how can they run through women IF the women aren’t using their wombs like  a baton at a track match? Open legs double as an invitation. Closed legs serve as a keep the hell out. You have to know your worth so not even the dude with the dopest game will have the ability to get you off your square. Sisters, somewhere along the line we are going to have to accept accountability.

I mean it seems like if we get a cold we blame the Brother for not covering his mouth when he sneezed. WE set the tone; Brothers could not sleep around IF WE were not SLEEPING WITH them. I mean….if we want brothers to respect the womb, then we have to respect it FIRST. It’s so simple I’m teaching my daughters how to do it!

Whenever I promote accountability or post pictures that showcase the mindset of a percentage of women in our community, I get so much opposition. I wonder if I posted one of those Black Men are all dogs pictures…what would the response be like? I wonder if Sisters would have been like Nojma you are wrong for that….or I wonder would my ears be ringing from all the applause of “that’s right”!

We don’t even understand the science of words. When you call a Black Man a dog, what you are really doing is calling his Mother a Bitch. If you say all Black Men are dogs then what you are really saying is all Black Women are Bitches, because who gives birth to these so called dogs? See whenever we insult HIM, we are really insult OURSELVES and vice versa. Either way we show gross disrespect to our own existence because we can’t continue the cycle of life without one another. 

I’m just saying….if all you see is the dog in HIM, then all he is going to see is the bitch in YOU. Keep in mind I am not calling Black Women that word, nor do I promote it, but  Again, if you can’t see the good in HIM…then how in the hell can he see the good in YOU? Doesn’t feel too good when I put in that way….does it?

When a man reveals himself to us, and we transform him in OUR mind, give him our heart, give him access to our sacred space, and get hurt, whose fault is it really? If we give ourselves to someone that has proven to be unworthy are we just in playing the victim? I know plenty of situations where women are the victim by default, and the man is automatically in the wrong and those roles given were  solely based on gender. While we “claim” the victim, role, the REAL victims are our children.

Too many of us are becoming the “woman who cried victim” just because we don’t want to honestly asses ourselves, our destructive behavior, our manipulative ways, our contributions in a failed relationship, because it’s so much easier to blame it on someone else, than face that reflection in the mirror.
If you lay down with a man, then be prepared to get up with the consequences that may follow. Stopping playing the victim because originally you played yaself!

Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.


4 Responses to “Black Men/Women, Playing The Victim is PLAYED Out!!”
  1. Niecey Gee says:

    I just learned of this site today….TO GOD BE THE GLORY! SPOT ON!

  2. James says:

    Nojma & Sankofa:

    I’m neutral on this issue because I’ve been with women who play the VICTIM role but the point is that; a lot of these women have the “needy, codependent” mindset and its sad because of the socio-economic conditions in EVERY BLACK COMMUNITY in the United States; some men play the VICTIM role as well however, I can’t understand why specifically BLACK WOMEN tend to put us all in the same box. I’ve been with the VA for almost 20 years now and I see it every day from women who work here and some make a ton more $$$ than me yet, some come at a ‘BROTHA’ the same way; (with their bodies; before they come with their minds). . . . .

    I don’t blame ALL black atheletes who choose white women over black women; I BLAME THE BLACK MAN & BLACK WOMAN why???: because if we get in the bed first, then the rest is drama and other issues that are current.

    Chad Ocho’ just married a Hispanic woman. I don’t like it but everyone has a CHOICE and, I’m just disgusted that Chad & Terrell didn’t learn to keep their mouths shut, leave the ego//image at home, and just terrorize defenses on the field however, these 2 brothers also made their own beds so now they have to sleep in their mess. They both could’ve had awesome careers, just like Jerry Rice, Steve Smith, Tory Holt, etc. etc. etc.; the list is endless regarding black ball players however, I guess $$$$$$$ talks and bullshit walks.

    WE ARE NOT ALL DOGS; there are still a lot of good black men out there; I just think women focus on what a ‘brotha’ has in his pockets, between his legs, and so on and, I think a lot of black men are tired of this nonsense so, maybe that has a bearing on why black men choose white, hispanic, asian, and other ethnic women; NOT JUST BLACK WOMEN.

    Not bashing the BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN; just my take on the issue based upon my past experiences in friendships, sexships, relationships with black women; I’ve been with the same black woman for 10 years and I do look at other races however, no other race of woman can understand me as a blackman BUT!!!: the black woman.

  3. Nojma says:

    Peace Sankofa! I’m just tired of the victim card being played and women automatically thinking they are the victim by default. Every time someone says that all black men are dogs, my response is who is giving BIRTH to these so called dogs? Must be all these SELF proclaimed BADDEST BITCHES I keep hearing/reading about!

  4. sankofa says:

    Nice sistah Nojma, as per usual. Apologies in advance, as I tend to be raw in how I speak, but too many women engage in “pussy politics” because that is truly the depth of their mindset. You make the statement…”If you lay down with a man, then be prepared to get up with the consequences that may follow.”

    However for all the bitter women who see African men as dogs, perhaps a better statement would be ” If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas”. Trust not even a trifling knee-grow will want to be around a flea infested bitch.

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