Deadbeat Dads or Bitter Mamas?

What message does this send to the child? More importantly what overall and long term affect will this have on the child? This type of thinking, action and immaturity will eventually backfire on the women.  How long will we continue to use our wombs and our children to be a poster child (literally in this case) for bitterness?  Researchers have said that from infancy to the age of six (or seven in some studies) are the MOST crucial years of development in a child’s life. Who is the child with most of those years? The MOTHER.  What are we as women TEACHING our children about their fathers, men, women and fatherhood in general when we promote these types of messages? This is a case of psychological warfare, which has become so commonplace in our community.

 

Bitterness has several faces and sadly we are looking at what bitterness has produced. This is what happens when we shape, fashion and mold our children in our bitterness. I wonder what her response would be if he asked “well mommy if my dad is a dead beat daddy, why did you CHOSE him to be my daddy?”  We think child abuse is always physical; this is an example of  psychological, emotional and mental abuse.  This is what happens when a woman uses her WOMB and the title called “Mother” as a weapon!    Situations like this occur, and then we feign ignorance when our child grows up not only hating himself, but also hating Black Women, because if the womb/woman that BORE him can’t respect the seed that gave him life, why the hell would he respect/love/desire women that look like her?

 

Some females left comments applauding the picture.   I wonder what the reaction would be if the child had a shirt with a picture of the mother and the caption read “Bitter Baby Mama“, or “I use my child as a pawn” or “My child support is really MAMA support” or whatever. Would  all those poms poms still be out, or would they say it’s foul because the MOTHER was being exposed/exploited….but yet had NO problem when the exploitation of the so called father, and that’s what I called hypocrisy at its finest.

 

Another Sister spoke about the devastating   effects caused by fatherless homes, which I don’t negate that at all. I fully understand the pain of growing up without a father and being a single mother. However, what we don’t take into account are ALL the reasons fathers aren’t in the homes, and just because fathers aren’t in the homes doesn’t mean fathers aren’t in the LIVES of the children.  What about those men that are pushed out of the homes, because of a nagging, overbearing, “attempting to emasculate him” woman? What about the man who is exasperated because nothing he does is ever good enough? He could give her the sun, moon and stars and instead of appreciation, she will complain about not having the rest of the Universe.

 

What about the man that gets tired of being belittled in front of his children? What about the man that is tired of having to fight for his position as “head of the house” because his woman is always competing with him for it? Again there are several factors as to why men aren’t in the homes of their children, but women seem to only like to promote the reasons that are favorable to them.

 

As a woman it is not mathematically sound for me to attempt to make a man take one hundred percent accountability for what takes place in MY womb.  The word “my” dictates ownership, so how can I blame him for a decision I initially made? I have extended the lives of men via my womb, who clearly showed signs that they didn’t want the responsibility of a husband, let alone the responsibility of being a father, but by offering my womb I made the conscious decision to become a MOTHER.  With women we bear majority of the responsibility when it comes to children, starting with who we CHOSE to reproduce, then after conception we are responsible for the life that is being formed in our wombs.  

 
Now does that absolve the fathers of their duty? No of course not. Do I have to be held responsible for who I gave access to my womb? Of course I do. I know that every story isn’t the same, and yes while fatherless homes  cause devastating and painful effects, so do “bitter mamas“, and the bitterness seeps into the womb while the child is being formed. I mean bitter because we tried to turn a one night stand into happily ever after, bitter because we tried to sex our way into a marriage proposal and failed, children made in “lust” and after the act was over, we couldn’t wait to get the hell away from one another, only to find out we are connected for life, though we didn’t mind when the connection felt good. Bitter because while we played the role of “wifey” while he officially made someone else his “wife“.

 

Resentment, hurt and disappointment are valid emotions. However we have to deal with what we feel accordingly, and our children have to stop being the physical manifestation of our pain. This is why we have so many broken children, because as parents we are failing to heal ourselves. Look at the innocence in the eyes of the young Brother in this picture. As parents we are supposed to shield our children’s innocence, NOT shatter it.  Instead of reveling in our pain, how about we try to revel in healing?

 

Let’s turn Bitter Mamas into Better Mamas, because a healed Mother, is a better Mother, because she understands that her womb was designed for CREATING life, NOT MANIPULATING life.