Sisters of Deflection Incorporated.

by Staff April 25, 2012 9 Comments News Relationships Sista Talk Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Those that are familiar with my platform know that I am an advocate for accountability, inclusive of looking at “Self”. Whenever I mention accountability among my Sisters it is always met with some form of Deflection. Why is that? Why don’t we want to look at Self?

As women we must hold ourselves accountable for our actions, our choices and be more responsible in the criteria that we base our choices on. Lastly, we must forgive. Forgive ourselves for the self-inflicted pain, for the mistreatment, for the lack of discipline, for the abuse, the neglect, for letting those not worthy in our spaces……for anything that we have done that has proven to be crippling to our development. It seems that deflection is easier than doing the above. In fact I am met with so much deflection (especially via my personal facebook page), that it feels like there is a Deflection Handbook being circulated, maybe even a new sorority has been formed with a collective love of Deflection at its core.

When one is inducted to the Deflection Sorority…..you think it might go a little something like this?

“I (state your name) solemnly swear to reject all ideologies dealing with accountability and focusing on self.
I pledge my diligence to maintain allegiance to the mantra that is “It is ALL his fault“.
I pledge to always respond with my emotions coupled along with the following fallacious errors in reasoning: “Straw Man“, “Cherry Picking“, “Genetic Fallacy“, “Red Herring” and “Appeal to Motive“.
I pledge to refer to the handbook at all times especially dealing with Nojma Muhammad, and when in doubt I will personally attack her, scream for balance, and when I am still unable to counter her argument, I will delete her.
I pledge to recruit new members by befriending those that click “like” on any comment that is in opposition to her, and those that write statuses about her.
I pledge to come under the guise of anonymity if I don’t feel my argument is strong enough.
I pledge to hold on to my bitterness and anger from past relationships as it serves as my fuel.
I pledge to use “there is no such thing as no good woman, she was made that way by a no good man” as my foundation and basis for every rebuttal.
As a member of Sisters of Deflection Incorporated, I promise to uphold all creeds, rules, laws and amendments of said laws.
I pledge not to betray the Sisterhood by engaging in activity that involves me looking at self.
I pledge to be Deflection “Personified”

Welcome Sister *** gives her a shield (to of course “fight” accountability), the Deflection Handbook (written in Gold of course) and lastly but certainly NOT least……a shattered mirror as a reminder to never look at “SELF”***.

Sisters, healing is key towards a healthier you (physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally), and healthier relationships. Anger and Bitterness only serve as impediments. It is a scientific fact that two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Love cannot and will not enter your heart if bitterness currently resides there. One of the definitions of bitterness is: Difficult or distasteful to accept, admit or bear. One of the hardest things for us to accept is that we caused or contributed to our own pain.

We need to start looking in the woman in the mirror because the man is NOT ALWAYS at fault.

When we chose this man, what served as the basis for our choice? Was it materialistically based? How did we present ourselves to him? What did we display? Our behinds or our minds? What did we bring into the relationship? How did our actions help to build or destroy the relationship? Was God at the center? Or is what WE desired only at the Center of the relationship?

You want to be loved? I’m talking about REAL love, not that generic, watered down love, but real love. The kind that empowers, motivates, heals, renews and thrives in a righteous manner. Free yourself from anger and bittiness, they are only holding you captive. Stop allowing Bitterness to serve Love eviction notices, instead make Healing/Love permanent residents of your heart. And by all means, stop allowing others under the guise of “Loving my Sisters” recruit you into the “Men aint shyt Club”, all those chapters need to be shut down immediately!

Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad

To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.

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Rameses says:
April 25, 2013 at 1:02 pm
Life is very interesting. I’ve seen a lot in 34 years. I really have. I have fought hard to just make it to 34 years old as a Moor in this country which is no joke. I have always been the type of person to be very observant and watchful of people. From a male perspective, I’m here to say that majority of black women have major psychological issues. When I was younger and in college, I came across many black women (not media) who told me that their own mothers would call them ugly. It got even worse when many of these females tried to go natural. Now me being the Man that I am, I would always encourage them when they went natural, especially dark-skinned ones. However, I was just reflecting on these experiences and realized something: most of these females, if not all, have been hearing this type of hatred since they were two or three years old. So imagine hearing for 18 years, from the mother who is supposed to encourage you, and make you feel good about yourself, that you’re no good and ugly. I have come across some of the most beautiful black women in my time who had some of the worse self-esteem issues you could imagine. Matter fact, in my opinion, the more attractive the black woman, the more self-esteem issues she has in my experience. An ex-girlfriend of mine was guilty of this. Beautiful chocolate brown female (remind you of lela rochon). She would date down subconsciously because if things didn’t work out, she wouldn’t feel bad about losing these dudes when things went sour, which they inevitably did because she dated down. But this didn’t start in her adult years. This mentality was cultivated in her younger years. Now we like to say that the reason why some of these women are the way they are is because they have no fathers. To that I say BS. Although it affects you, doesn’t have to affect you negatively. And also, in the 80s and early 90s, there were black mothers that did not play run up in their daughters crap. They would beat you down and their daughter down too for even thinking about having sex. I say that to say this: many people think people give up on life in their 20s or 30s or 40s, etc. I disagree. Many people give up on life early in life. Something could have happened at ten, that made you say “this world is f”’ed up, and I will not engage with it.” Some people give up on life in high school. Even elementary school. Some people realize their limitations and choose not to rise above it. Me personally, I chose not to let my parents BS keep me from living my life in the future. I knew I had my own life to live once I got older and once I made it to adulthood, whatever i didn’t get from them, I knew I would have to get from myself. We have this “savior” complex where we think everyone can be saved, but this is not reality. And sometimes, when we operate with this mentality, we end up getting hurt ourselves in the process. I’m pretty sure there are people on here, male and female, who have been in relationships where they were with someone they felt they could save. And how many of you were able to save that person? Probably not one. See the running story right now is that “there is an attack on black women in the media and wants to destroy the black family.” This is not true. Black women have been taught to hate themselves from their own mothers really since they were in the womb. Black women perming their hairs while they were pregnant. You don’t think this mentality transfers to the child? Deflection and reflection are two words black women need to learn and real fast. Your first teacher (your mothers0 have done a poor job raising you because by the time you hit adulthood you are nowhere near mentally or spiritually capable of being in a relationship. I remember in 2001, when me and this chick were together. The chick admitted about her mother that “she’s just hating on you because she has no man herself.” So my ex admitted her mom was jealous of me being in her daughter’s life. However, when it came time to choose between me and her mother, who do you think she chose people? Her mother. Her mother used to sit there and manipulate her daughter for money, her car, etc. The same things black women say about black men, they allow their mothers to do on a consistent basis. This chick used to actually work and pay for her mother to stay in hotels while she was in college!!! Yet, because she’s her mother, she allowed her mother to get away with it because she wanted to still feel like a child, even as an adult. She was not ready to be with me. She was only ready to have sex with me physically. There’s a big difference. There are people in their 50s who are physically capable of having sex, but it doesn’t mean they are ready to be in a relationship. You have black mothers manipulating their children (men and women) out of money and other things, and causing problems in their own child’s relationships. I knew in 2001 what my ex’s mother was doing. She was trying to get me out the way because she knew she wouldn’t be able to manipulate her with me in the picture. I tried to stop it but to no avail. So while many black women want to blame black men for poor relationships, you might want to look in the mirror and at your teacher (your mother). You have black men like myself who value marriage over prositute lifestyle many black women operate under out here. Are black women better off being strippers and prostitutes than a wife? Who taught them this? Not me. Maybe their mothers? Many black women I’ve met over the years won’t get with black men not because they hate them necessarily, but their mothers taught them to not depend on black men. One of my exes said to me “I’m gonna teach my daughter not to depend on a man.” Imagine the confused look that was on my face. When I was younger, I dealt with an older black woman who said “once you tell a Man you don’t need him, you kill his drive to want to do for you.” This chick definitely killed my drive and subsequently I broke up with her. You know what’s so interesting? People have seen me on here and know how I get down. But the interesting thing is, in all of my relationships, including my marriage, my ex’s never broke up with me. Now they might not have liked my straightforward delivery, but it was something about me they recognized as genuine and real. I was the one who ended my relationships, not them. But I willingly admit, it’s not all these black women fault in terms of how they view themselves. However, what I won’t allow them to do is place all the blame or any blame on the media. Because their mothers shoulder all the blame and I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. I always encouraged black women, no matter what their shade was, in terms of beauty. When I say majority black women have major psychological issues, I’m not saying it to be funny. I’m really being serious. I have a friend (black man) who is about to move to Brazil. He just broke up with his girlfriend in Cali (a Philipina). Now he he broke up with her because she drained hiw with her complaining all the time. Now, even though she messed up with him, you know what she did? She went and sought counseling for the second time. The first time she went and got counseling, her counselor told her, after she explained to him what type of man she had, that she was dealing with a man that was in the top two percentile of types of men she should want to be with. I applauded the fact that she loved him enough to see where she went wrong and went and got counseling. I doubt it will help her get hm back but who knows. The pint is, how many black women do this? How many black women are willing to go seek counseling when they lose out on really good men? Majority won’t because majority black women don’t think they are ever wrong. I remember when a chick I was with years ago said to me after she clearly did something wrong and I really didn’t want to hear what she had to say said “well normally I don’t ever say I’m sorry so you better be glad that I am apologizing.” If you all could have saw my face. I always say “it’s not the mistakes you make to me, but it’s how you atone for them dictates who you really are.” The gall of this female was astonishing. But that’s how I knew her apology wasn’t genuine and I refused to accept it. She only apologized to get the attention off of her. Although she knew she was in the wrong, she really didn’t want to give me the apology. This chick literally used to accuse me of being sensitive because I had the temerity of being insulted when she actually insulted me!!! Lol….I don’t know any female that will willingly hurt people, yet get so offended when someone says something truthful about her like black women. Black women get offended by the slightes thing, yet talk about people like dogs, especially other black women!!!! The media has nothing on the way other black women cut each other down. It’s not even close. Yet somehow, the blame gets deflected onto everyone else: media, black men, or black children, white women, asian women, latina women, etc. Psychology is psychology. When you have clear psychological issues, you must address the issues. Black people always keep making race the primary culprit of their problems when that’s far from the case. Black people in general, but especially black women have major psycholigical issues going on with them. Do I give black men a free pass? Hell no. I dig into them as well. But hell, who doesn’t. Can’t beat a dead horse. But the black community (which I highly doubt can call itself that) cannot keep giving black women a free pass for their out-of-control behavior and yet keep holding black men feet to the fire. This is why I look at things from a cultural values perspective because looking a things from a racial perspective makes things emotional. And also, there are black people out here who will do me more harm than the KKK. I’m more likely to be killed by a black man than the KKK so I don’t get fooled by this “Black” thing. That is a twentieth century concept that needs to stay stuck there. Like I said earlier, you can’t change people once they made a choice in their own minds on how to view life. My relaity is not the same on these posts as others or many others are not willing to embrace the reality I see I should say. Many black people do see this behavior in black women, but won’t say anything. Many of the behaviors black women get praised for in America, other women globally get admonished and outcasted for (not being virgins when married, multiple bastard kids, style of dress, etc. Black women are the only women I see that dress like whores, yet say “respect me as a Queen.” Look like the Queen of the Damned to me. Your community is damned if they allow you to keep carrying yourself the way you do and say nothing. I’ll put it like this: if other black women won’t hold each toher accountable, then there is nothing left to say. Black men don’t need really need to say anything else that hasn’t been said by Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, Booker T Washington, Dr. Malachi Z York, Khalid Muhammad, Elijah Muhammad, Noble Drew Ali, etc. All the thoughts that have ever been thought exist in all of us. Greed, jealousy, envy, love, care, affection, etc. So you choose which thoughts you want to permeate your conscious and subconscious mind. If black women choose hate, then they will attract that to themselves. It’s simple. But stop deflecting blame on everyone else. That’s old and tired. Can’t get away with it.
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Naqah says:
April 24, 2013 at 11:51 pm
If Only The Denial Level Wasn’t So High Then Maybe Many Sisters (Even Brothers) Could Heal One Another With Loving And Peacable Words. Then The Bitter Tears That Were Bottled In For Many Years Can Finally Release And Be Poured Out.
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Leslie says:
September 25, 2012 at 9:19 pm
This blog is definitely hit home with me and you are so analytically/ perceptionally correct on all aspects of this column. We as women have to look within self and recognize the real along with the fake, which is not a hard task to distinguish the two. It’s just accepting the fact and revealing them for what they really are rather than what you would like to mold/ create in a “perfect world”. We as women should be more “real” with ourselves…
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Eric Harriel says:
June 13, 2012 at 10:09 am
Sister,
Thankfully, more women like you, true sisters, NOT Distas, are making yourselves known. I wanted to share your information on facebook but it was in a different language. Women in America are being used as traitorous houseslaves while the men are treated as (out of the house) slaves. My organization is doing what we can also. It is hard to get through to some of these women as a man, also.
God Bless!
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Nojma says:
May 10, 2012 at 6:16 pm
@Mack I am wrapping it as we “type” LOL I need a graphic artist to help design the cover….know anyone?
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Mack says:
April 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm
I make no qualms over the fact that I love where you’re coming from. Truth is: if more sisters thought like you, more would be wifed up, fulfilled and headed in a better direction. The sisters that are worth being wifed up, get wifed up! When can we expect that book of yours to hit the market?
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Nojma says:
April 28, 2012 at 10:40 am
Peace Queens! As always, thank you for your support and most of all for the ability to see my sincere intentions, regarding us as women. Gotta lot of love and respect for both of you! 🙂
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Eleanie says:
April 26, 2012 at 7:05 pm
As always you force us to look within.
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natalie says:
April 26, 2012 at 11:50 am
Excellentt! There are more of us out there..keep fighting the good fight!
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