Black Women: Badges of DIS-honor…. : ThyBlackMan

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Black Women: Badges of DIS-honor….

January 25, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk

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( Here are a couple of titles that we as Black Women need to stop wearing like they are a badge of honor.

1. Baby Mama
2. Miss Independent
3. Jump off
4. Wifey
5. Bi** and the Baddest one at that!

Baby Mama-Too many of us not only proudly wear this title, but we also STRIVE to be one! This seems to be the new occupation on the scene. We don’t want to be wives, we want to be “baby mama’s” so we can have what we think will be security in the form of a child support check. We are training our daughters to be prostitutes when we teach them the “pay to play” mentality.

When we as MOTHERS, don’t know our value, we become the MADAM and  groom our daughters for a pimp game. If our daughters don’t see US stressing the importance of being a wife, if our daughters don’t see US stressing the value of our wombs, the sanctity and security that marriage brings, why would they want it for themselves? If WE seem complacent being “baby mamas” why would our daughters do anything different?

Miss Independent- I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, Do you know what that means? I know Webby and Destiny’s Child have us PROUDLY declaring our Independent from men, specifically BLACK MEN.  You have “your own car”, your “own house”, you have an abundance of degrees right?  There is nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments, and if you are on your own, then you should be able to pay your OWN bills, since you are an adult. I mean, that makes sense right? So why get upset when we see Brothers with women that don’t look like us? Or those that say that have NO desire to be with Black Women? We are looking at the “effect” but not the “cause”. Haven’t we have been telling them we don’t NEED them? I can do this WITHOUT you? Who would go/stay where they are not needed? We talk about the Brothers, posting how they hate or dislike Black Women, but could it be BECAUSE, we exuded hatred towards them FIRST? Saying I don’t need you sure as hell isn’t saying “I love you” so if we as women want a new “effect” then let’s focus on a better “cause“. If we desire the love of our Brothers, let’s make it known. Because at the end of the day, as much as you say you are “independent” and you can do it everything by yourself, at the very core of your essence you know you don’t want to.  If you are proudly claiming independence, then you have lost the right to talk about the caliber of Black  Men and why you don’t have one, because a synonym for Independence is alone, and that is exactly where you will end up; ALONE!

Jump Off-Now a jump off is a sex partner; nothing more nothing less.  Is this all we are worth Sisters, simply fulfilling a DESIRE? Being a pleasure receptacle? Do you know how much mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wear and tear that places on us as women?  If we feel that all we have to offer a man is sex, then don’t expect anything BUT sex in return. A man views you in the same manner in which you see yourself.

Wifey- Sisters, I know it may sound cute to be a “Wifey” I know Next had a song about it and when I was younger I sang “yes I’ll be your Wifey”, but now that I am older, I fully understand that in order to be a man’s wife, he has to OFFICIALLY make you his wife, anything else is just a glorified girlfriend. If your goal is to actually be a “wife”, stop settling, for being the “Wifey’ and stop preforming all those “wifely duties.”

Baddest B***- What ever happened to “who you calling a b**!”? Now we are PROUDLY calling ourselves the “Baddest B**? If you are a SELF-PROCLAIMNED Baddest b**** then your ONLY OPTION is the WORST dog. As women we were designed to comfort and console Men. God didn’t say I need a b**** to console me, comfort me… know why? Because a B**** can’t do those things! How can a dog bring comfort to  God? A b**** walks on all fours, so you can’t elevate a man because you are already on a lower level.

You’ve placed yourself on the level of a canine Sisters! So you become a dog groomer. You wash a dog. You feed a dog. You train a dog, then you complain about “the dog in your house” but if you call yourself a B**** then you have INVITED this “dog” in your house and in your space, then complain when you get dogged out. You won’t get tired of being dogged until you get tired of being a B****. . Plain and simple.

Let’s change the way we think about ourselves. Let’s change the way we view ourselves. Why do we call ourselves EVERYTHING but what God created us to be? Why can’t we be a Queen? Why can’t we be Godly Women? Why don’t we want to tap into that part of ourselves? We can’t attract a Godly man being a woman of this “world“.

So starting today, let’s retire these badges of “dishonor” when choosing to describe ourselves. Let’s be what we REALLY are: beautiful Black Queens. You’ll get much more respect being a Queen than you ever will being any of the above.

Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad

To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.



10 Responses to “Black Women: Badges of DIS-honor….”
  1. Lauren says:

    Also, I think it also very important for we as a people to re-evaluate how we have ALSO placed double, triple standards on Black women (African-American), where these very same identities become GLAMORIZED on OTHER cultures of women, BY US; while, simultaneously demonizing our sisters. We have our work cut out for us in deconstructing and ridding ourselves of the internalized racism, sexism, and colorism again African-American women.

  2. Lauren says:


    Hello! I would just like to reply to your comment, and say that I can take all of the instances that the article says SOME black women do, and apply that to ANY category of women. I have seen women of other cultures perform these very same acts. The fact remains that they are not ridiculed or crucified in the same manner that we are. This is where I point to the double and triple standards. Rather, what is demonized on us, it actually CELEBRATED with them. Can you imagine? Just look how the term “baby mama” became the latest glam factor, when Kanye said that regarding Kim K? Or how twerking is seen as the new dance craze, now that Miley Cyrus performed it? Yet, for us it is the “ghetto,” “h*” dance. Do you notice when those same terms are placed on us, how they become demonized? I think we should begin to examine the racial and gender discrepancy that is exerted on imagery and terms, once they are place on black, female bodies!

  3. Lauren says:


    I would just like to say that regarding the INDEPENDENT woman category, I think that we should also examine the CAUSE as to why so many sistas’ like to flaunt that around. Could it be that unfortunately, we live in a society (and with our own communities) that place double and triple standards on us when wanting partners?? Could it also be that because we have been labeled, “less of women,” that our own communities have trained us to be independent, because of not being able to rely on anyone. I feel it important that we address this issue. Very important. Not feeling that you are part of a community that will have your back, as a black woman (or will take care of you, as a feminine energy and being that continues the RE-BIRTH of the community), or better yet, the “strong, black woman” theme that was implemented on woman since slavery plays a significant role. I have met some brothas’ who will not mind taking care of a non-black woman (who has nothing going for herself), simply because of the love factor. Yet, if a black woman would come, desiring a black man, with nothing going for herself (no ambitions, prospects, or resources), on a general note, would NOT deem her worthy the time of day.

    I really feel we should balance these conversations a lot more. Part of the cause of the INDEPENDENT streak is because society has forced us so, to the point where our femininity was (and still is not) not deemed worthy of protection, nurture, or care (even WITHIN OUR OWN COMMUNITY). That pride probably comes from feeling a sense of accomplishment in being able to defy the odds, and surviving the impossible. I feel that a healing needs to come regarding the community, and the changing of attitudes that see black, women as these strong, hard objects, who do not need help. Because this is the CAUSE of the INDEPENDENT streak that many black women have, which relays to the EFFECT of too many black women having to take on this mentality, and having to take pride in this, simply because the laws of patriarchy in this country did not protect us. The pains of being abandoned, and not having anyone to depend on, has put quite a few Black women in wanting to take pride in this. I feel this healing needs to take place, and change of attitudes in the community and society need to take place, in addition to the change that is being articulated in this article.

    It’s interesting that I am currently living, working, and studying in Egypt. I have dated. One of the things that has attracted men to me is the fact that I am independent! Imagine that. I mentioned on another blog here that Egyptian women AND men found me fascinating in seeing that I have no family here to rely on (again, family, where womanhood is to be protected), and was able to put myself through school, work, volunteer, and get involved in activities and associations on the University, despite, some horrendous things I went through.

    Quite frankly, I feel that Black women have been making our desire and longing for our brothas’ known for a LONG TIME, yet, that same has NOT been equally returned. We have been the LEAST LIKE TO DATE OUTSIDE OUR RACE for LONG TIME. NO OTHER GROUP OF WOMEN have been as loyal, as we have, and we CANNOT DENY IT. And all of those pairings are not what you think they are. I have been this with African women with European men, Egyptian women with European, Russian with Egyptian, Ethiopian with Egyptian, here in Egypt, AFrican-American men with Egyptian women, and there are a lot of couplings where the women “play their role” in making the man feel wanted as a means of economic security. That is not to say that there are not few instances of TRUE LOVE. However, let’s keep in mind, that there are those men who purposefully get women who are not independent, in order to secure power over her. I see that A LOT with couplings over in Egypt. Women’s empowerment is becoming a HUGE THING over here. It’s amazing how what so many women are trying to achieve worldwide, AFrican, and AFrican-American women have been doing already for a long time.

    Also, keynote. Just because you continue to sing praises to a group of men, letting them know that we desire them (which we have done so often) doesn’t mean they will stay. There also needs to be the teaching of our men the value of the wombs, who bring their existence back into this world—and for them (and us) to evolve out of ideas that deem the black woman as not needing nurture, protection, or care as other group of women.

    Thank you for reading!:)

  4. Eleanie says:

    When we know better we do better. Some just don’t know better. Yet! However, there is always hope for change and reinvention and improvement.

  5. Yaddie says:

    In studying the origins of a lot of words, I know the power of using them. This is a great piece. “A nation can only rise as high as its women.” ~Unknown

    Once she’s healed from low self-esteem, she’ll cease addressing herself as such as well as allowing anyone else to address her as such. When you’re spiritually bankrupt, you’re just so out-of-touch. But I’m confident we’ll heal…ALL OF US.

    Not to be semantic, cause I overstand how the collective views the word, but once the writer studies the etymology of the word “Queen”, they may think twice about offering that as a suggestion again. And conversely the word “b**ch” in the Encyclopedia of Myths & Secrets is listed in a way that may stun ya too. It’s all about studying.

    Everything else therein (in the blog above) is spot on. Kudos.

    Mama Ya.

  6. Clifton Richard says:

    An excellent article. SOME black women just vehemently refuse to accept any accountability whatsoever. This brand of black woman is hardwired into scapegoating the black man for HER shortcomings.

  7. Nojma says:

    @Fake, is it not true that SOME Black Women are PROUDLY calling themselves b***? Is it not true that SOME Black Women take PRIDE in being a child support hustler/baby mama? Is it not true that SOME Black Women PROUDLY BOAST of their so called independence? Is it not true that SOME Black Women SETTLE for being the “wifey”? So regardless of where you think the origin came from are we not as Black Women(some of us) EMBRACING the above?

  8. Fake says:

    All those names came from The Black Man

  9. DG says:

    Great article!

  10. natalie says:


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