Too Picky or Not Picky Enough? : ThyBlackMan

Thursday, November 23, 2017


Too Picky or Not Picky Enough?

December 28, 2011 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com)  When we try to figure out why it is that we can never seem to find “The One”, the usual response is that you can’t find love because you’re too picky. But, is that really the case? Most of us, whether we openly admit it or not, have a list of things we want in our ideal mate. For some, it’s a simple list like: “I want someone we want someone calm and loving”; “for others it could be: “I want someone hot, rich, powerful, great in bed, and worships the ground I walk on, etc.” There’s really no right or wrong list since each list is a culmination of what’s important to us; it changes and grows as we grow and change.

For the sake of argument, let’s look at both sides of the question. First, “Am I being too picky?” Don’t I deserve to have someone tailor made to me? Is it  really too much to want someone perfectly model gorgeous? As mentioned earlier in the post, it’s all about what’s important to you.

When making a list of things we want in a mate, we feel we’re being responsible and even smart in our approach to finding love. While getting your thoughts and needs down on paper as a sort of guide has some pros, it can also have some cons.

In making the list, we give ourselves the opportunity to really think about what we need from another person to be happy in a relationship. On the other hand, being tunnel-visioned on the contents of that list can make us blind to other options and make us blind to the person we’re really meant to be with.

On the other side of that, you can also not be picky enough. Sometimes, we see not limiting ourselves by having a list of what we do or don’t want in a mate as freeing and a better option. I would say that this is a dangerous state. While it’s usually a good thing to keep our options open, sometimes it’s wiser to have some kind of plan or vision of how you want your relationship to be and the type of person who will fit the role of your ideal mate.

Compromise is a necessary in any successful relationship, but there’s a difference between compromise and sacrificing our needs to make a relationship fit. Accepting just anyone because you want love and affection is a much worse option to being alone.  Sometimes a long internal look can satisfy a picky approach AND a “let chips fall as they may” approach. Who says love can’t be emotional AND cerebral?

Staff Writer; Kelleye Robinson

For more Dating Tips, Relationship Advice, feel free to visit; K. Robinson.

Also connect with this sista via Twitter; Internal Searcher.


Comments

2 Responses to “Too Picky or Not Picky Enough?”
  1. Mack says:

    Good article.

    People seem to have very unrealistic expectations about relationships nowadays. I’m sure the humongous wisdom gap between our elders and ourselves has much to do with this. We used to get good wisdom from grandparents. Now we have grandmothers no older than 30… and there ain’t much wisdom you can grasp from a person fresh out their 20’s.

    The best relationships work because both people involved are committed to making it work. It’s not 50/50… it’s more like 100/100. You gotta go all in and go hard for the long haul. And people nowadays want instant gratification. They’re not willing to wait or work for the perfect relationship. They pretty much want it ready made.

  2. Giosincere says:

    Amen to the way you closed the article.
    I agree. Love can be emotional and cerebral.
    We must love intelligently.
    Not many take an internal look before they
    find themselves in another relationship that they don’t belong in.
    But it is important that we do so the cycle in repetition of choosing
    anyone who looks at us
    because we’re seeking love and affection.

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