(ThyBlackMan.com) These days, I’m too wrapped up in how Black R&B, pop, and rap artists and their lyrics help perpetuate harmful dynamics between Black women and men to listen to listen to the lyrics anymore because I’m afraid of how much I might not like the messages I’m hearing. However, I was reflecting with positive reminisces on two decent songs in particular: “Give Me You” performed by Mary J. Blige and “Cupid” performed by 112. The message between the two songs together is this: True love doesn’t lie and when two people bring all of themselves to a relationship with the intention of expressing care and love to build a relationship, it’s a beautiful and fruitful thing, so to speak.
I don’t like using phrases like “true love”, but I have my 
ideas and understandings of what love is to me and what it looks like. Now I confess that I’ve only seen and experienced snatches of what I think [romantic] love looks like, between Black women and men, or otherwise. But then again I have the standard and expectation of excellence. Here’s some of what I’ve observed and taken in from the best relationships:
1. There are ways to express love that are not physical or material—let that marinate and decide what it means to you.
2. Ask for trust, give trust, and earn trust: The song “Cupid” asks a woman to trust the man she is in a relationship with. In asking for it, a man must be committed to earning it and having his words and actions match his desire to dispel distrust. The same goes for women towards men. Building relationships that are worth it to the both of you, relationships that are fulfilling, takes an offering and acknowledgement of trust. (But if someone’s got you jumping through hoops like at the circus, then you have to start asking, What’s the real issue here, if it isn’t you.)
3. In life, we’re going to hurt each other—but we should try not to: Don’t be reckless or thoughtless in your actions and words towards your partner, if you really care for that person. This is general advice for any relationship. If you’ve been hurt or had your trust abused in the past, it’s important to acknowledge that and not feel bad for wanting it to be acknowledged. If you’re both trying to build and love in this new relationship, at the same time, there should be no reason to take it out on the other person.
4. We have to love each other, not just in the romantic way, but in general: Specifically, in a great relationship for Black folks, it is essential in this society to have love and care for our bodies and our skin, history, and culture. This is not only for the sake of our private and individual identities but for fostering relationships and for the sake of our political (and/or public) identities. Quick Anecdote. The first man to ever tell me he thinks I’m beautiful—weight, political views, everything— and insist on this is a white man from Finland and he is has been my friend and stuck by me for a while. *looks under the rocks for the Black men* Black folks have to see each other as beautiful, see each other as deserving of love, see each other as desirable. If you’re constantly looking at your partner and going, for example, “I wish her booty was bigger like a Latina” or “He too dark-skinned”, then there’s a problem. Let’s recall the lyrics of India Arie’s “Brown Skin”.
5. Say you’re going to be there and be really be there—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and (wait for it) politically: Back your actions with words from your heart and your words with meaningful action.
6. Do say what’s in your heart and in your mind: Some relationships fail because we’re not saying what we really feel and think. We go through the motions of being in a relationship. If you’re not in a relationship with someone who can really appreciate, listen, hear, and respect your thoughts and feelings, then let’s just say it’s time to reflect on your relationship with that person. Being honest and open is the only way to build lasting relationships or even ascertain who you want to be with. Do give yourself to the relationship.
7. Love is 24/7—there are no off days because it’s not really a job.
Take note of the generalizing language, if you find it offensive (the use of “us” and “we”). I know that annoys some people but given the topic, I went on ahead with that though I don’t usually do so.
Staff Writer; Shannon Rucker
For more articles written by this talented sista, do check out; The Black Feminist Blog.
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