(ThyBlackMan.com) I fight many battles.
One that is very important to me is the struggle not to be pigeonholed due to my fitting into one “box” or another. I embrace many identities and generally have no problem with being associated with any of them. My problem is when description becomes definition — and when definition is seen as determinative.
My most important identity is Christian. Unfortunately, being a Christian can be problematic. Or, more specifically, being identified with the beliefs and actions of some Christians can be problematic. In any case, the identity to which I have most often felt the greatest affinity is that of father and, more recently, grandfather. (When I was married, I was equally proud of the label “husband.”)
Similarly, I am fiercely proud to be a Black man. It is the pride that emanates from knowledge of history, love of self, and acceptance of the call to lead. Yet, that identity is fraught with the realities of also having been born an American. As W.E.B. DuBois wrote in his magnum opus, “The Souls of Black Folk:”
“The Negro is a sort of seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted with second-sight in this American world, — a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness — an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.”
With sincere adoration and great respect to De La Soul, as a Black man in America, it can never just be about “me, myself, and I.”
Some of the subtlety of honoring various identities is the nuance that is captured in saying “yes, and…” as opposed to “yes, but…” In other words, we can (and often should) embrace our wonderful dichotomies and paradoxes, even some that might border on being contradictory.
We should not shrink from the fact that an infinite God created complex humans.
Renowned philosopher Immanuel Kant, who was a devout Christian, is well-known for developing his theory regarding our inability to know a thing “in itself.” In other words, according to Kant, something can only be known through its relation to something else. For human beings, that means we can only be known via our relationships with others.
If that is true, then it makes perfect sense for us to form and strengthen bonds with family, friends, and co-workers. In doing so, we unavoidably attach ourselves to one another in deeply intimate ways. Those people not only become part of our identity; they are intertwined in the essence of who we are. They help us experience ourselves as we interact with them. This is expressed in the African philosophy of Ubuntu, which is often translated as “I am because you are.”
Of course, there has always existed a palpable tension between the impulse to try to stand out as compared to the comfort of staying within the safe confines of the pack. When one goes out on a limb by oneself, there is always the danger of falling to the hard ground below. The point is that self-discovery and “coming into one’s own” involve risks; it also promises rewards.
In the end, we should not let anyone define who we are. We often speak about the right to self-determination in the context of politics. It is even more important to exercise our right simply to be what God has called each of us to be. The only boxes are the ones that we dream up.
Written by Larry Smith
