(ThyBlackMan.com) Sister circles are a wonderful thing to have, especially when the reciprocity flows easy like water. However, sometimes as women, we are our worst enemies to each other. There is an understanding within us of what we need out of a sister. We need someone that’s going to show up for us, have our back, tell us the truth about ourselves, be with us when times are hard, they won’t abandon us in our low points, they will accept us wholeheartedly and truthfully for who we are, see the best in us, and defend us as fiercely as they love us. These are wonderful things to expect from a sister. To know that you can trust her, that she’s loyal to you, and loves you and your family makes life easier to face. Your children call her Auntie. This is a blessing.
Some of us will not give the title of sister, and it’s not biological, if we don’t know these things to be true. We will cut you off if you can’t truly be a sister to us. Even if expectations are extremely high, we feel that for the love we give, that is what we deserve, and it is what we will demand. The problem comes with the fact that many of us that will make the demand are not the sister that we expect. Some of us don’t reciprocate well. And in not doing so, we tend to harm the soul of the sister that gives us all the things that we claim we need. You see if the reciprocity was flowing like the river, then no sister would be sitting back feeling abandoned, left out, misunderstood, unheard, unseen, unsupported and questioning the loyalty of the women around her. We would not have sisters that are decaying on the inside because they’re unable to express what they’re going through to another woman that they call sister, because they don’t want their business in the street. Basically, confidence isn’t kept. This is so sad to see. It’s heartbreaking, even. Because while many of us are talking about the damning things that men do to us, that is all that we are willing to address; however, the one thing we do not wanna talk about amongst black women is the things we do to each other. Be the sister you expect.
This may sound really simple. Unfortunately, it’s not. Being there in the gap for somebody when they’re going through is a mental, and sometimes physical and emotional labor of love. When you’re going through your own challenges and struggles and you find the bandwidth to be there for another, you’re just hoping that what you’re going through is cared about. If you find that you are able to spill about your day to your sister circle… you’re able to tell them everything that’s going on with you, but you don’t listen to what’s going on with them that’s a problem. When you want them to stand by you, but you’re not allowing them to do so because all of your anger and frustration is taken out on them, yet they had better not express their feelings regarding your behavior because you’re going to play the victim…that’s not okay. If you are wrong in a situation, and they come to you in love about it because you brought the matter to them, and they told you the truth about yourself, but you decide that you’re going to again be angry at them…that’s not OK.
When you have that sister that answers you all the time and never leaves you hanging, but when they are going through a devastating challenge and they aren’t able to show up because they are down as in they mentally or physically find themselves incapacitated and communicate such, but you decide to berate them as weak and disloyal…that’s not okay. When you demand that time be made in the schedule of your sister’s for you and your family, but when they need you… you don’t prioritize them even if you could…it’s not reciprocity, and it’s just not OK. In these moments, we are taking, taking and taking while giving nothing to those that are giving us everything, and we yet have the audacity to play the victim when that sister gets tired of not being treated as a sister.
Sisters, it’s important that we love each other as we love ourselves. I can honestly say that I have been blessed to have some of the best sister support anyone could ask for. They held me down when I just thought my life was ending literally. Some of them have sat in the hospital with me. They sat in funerals with me. I make it my priority to be there for them and love on them. I also want them to know that they are so important to me that the show can stop for them. That I care for them. I want them to know they can trust me. Whatever they tell me, it’ll never leave me. I want to be the sister that they are to me, the reciprocity matters to me. That must be our desire for one another. We have the desire to love the women around us to the degree that they’re loving us.
If you have sisters that are not sisters to you, that are toxic, that are hurting you, it may be time to reevaluate those relationships because you deserve better. If you were the sister that has a sister in your life that is holding you down with everything she’s got and she’s in the challenges of life with you, and never allows you to go through alone…love that woman. Love on her and make sure that you are giving her the same. You see, the young girls of our community will learn how to be sisters to each other as they watch the older women. If they see us tearing each other down, not caring about each other, being disloyal and lying to end on each other, being more in competition with each other than in support of each other…that is what they will do to their friends and sisters circles. This is a vital part of our life, and it is vital to the growth of our community. Please be the sister you need.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.