(ThyBlackMan.com) Loving one’s mother is natural, and there is nothing wrong with it. Mom birthed you, nurtured you, and has always been there. With that being acknowledged there is a such thing as an unhealthy attachment to one’s mother. If you find yourself, as an adult male, unable to make decisions without your mother you are setting yourself up for a chaotic life, and marriage if you choose that path. Many mothers need to understand their son is NOT their man, you are raising a boy that as a man will take on a spouse of his own. We can go on about the need for mothers to foster a healthy relationship with their sons. However, at some point men must take into account the relationship they have with their mom especially as they approach marriage.
Some women fear the “dreaded” mother-in-law. This is a woman that will try to undermine a wife’s decisions openly, try to run the house of their son’s wife, make offensive comments about child rearing, smother the couple by behaving as I she doesn’t have a home nor life, speaking ill of the wife opening and in private, and lastly counseling one’s son against his wife. Men it is very important that you understand what you sign up for when getting married. Let me just say YES this also applied to women, and their father’s. Yet, we must be honest mother-in-laws tend to take the cake because they can feel rather possessive about their son. There are some men that still believe in the responsibility of being head of their home. Well, being head also means addressing issues concerning order. You can love your mother, and love your wife. However, your mom should not unseat your wife.
Many men have lost good wives, or emotionally broken their wife as a result of allowing their mother to simply trample over the woman. The wife was left feeling alienated in her own home, but expected to be a viable part of the home running efficiently. Your wife is NOT your mother, and she never will be. If you choose a woman to be your wife…no one should be able to disrespect her in any fashion, and that includes your mother.
Most of the wife mother bickering can come to an end when the man in the middle takes a solid stance against ill treatment. When you embrace your wife above all others this can lead your wife to want a closer relationship with your mother. A wife doesn’t want to feel she has to compete with anyone for her position as a wife. Mothers have no business stepping into the wife roll where their son is concerned, and that is what men need to understand. Yes, your other has done things for you no can such has giving birth to you, but there are things a wife does that a mother cannot.
Men you can honor your wife as such, and honor your mother…as such. Mothers must understand they can lose a close relationship with their son, and grandchildren by mistreating the wife. A wife is not capable of setting this order right. Men must step in and respectfully address their mom if she is out of order. You don’t choose your mom, but you do choose your wife. In choosing carefully one should not marry a woman that would try to turn you against your mother. If you are a big advocate for family…marry a woman who has a heart that is the same in this area.
No one wants to feel mistreated, belittled, and blatantly disrespected in their own home. Men understanding this dynamic, and taking an active part in the resolution of such allows a wife to know her husband did not sit back and allow her to be harmed by his mother. It is very important to understand children see all of this, and it will shape their perspective on marriage, and family. It’s important, in a marriage, that both parties make each other a priority. Family must respect boundaries for there to be peace. Two women cannot run the same house; it is important for men to understand this simply thing or there will be no peace.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
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